[Solved] Are there others like me?

I think your reactions and feelings are all completely natural. When a couple separates and try to be friendly, it can be very difficult to do family things as it will stir up a lot of emotions for you. Renting your own place might be the best thing at this stage and perhaps avoid staying at the family home as it might be blurring the lines for all of you. Are you having counselling at the minute? If not, that might help. Going back to work might be too soon but it also might be just what you need right now. You can only try.

I feel like I am just reiterating what has already been said but focus on your daughter. It also sounds like things have remained civil, so do everything you can to keep it that way.

However, i cannot stress this enough, if you are beginning to feel depressed, talk to someone. As good as this forum is, it will never beat talking to the professionals.

Not sure what the rules are on external links here, but in the past i have called Mind and it helped. Just type 'Mind' into Google

Best of luck

Hi there

I agree with Yoda, doing things as a family and staying over has blurred the lines and sends mixed messages. I think it might be easier if you step back from that type of involvement, whilst still staying amicable, as Hilts mentions....its your daughter that is important and she will also be getting these mixed messages too, which will only confuse her.

You're doing really well...despite your ex making it more difficult for you and I think it's for the best that you have deleted your messenger account....you're stronger than you think.

Whilst your sister is happy to support you I wouldn't rush into looking for your own place, get yourself in a better place, get christmas out of the way and then think about it again in the New Year.

All the best

Hi guys

How have guys felt when their ex-wife or girlfriend meets someone new?

My wife and I have been separated for 9 weeks and whilst it's amicable for the sake of our daughter, the thought of her meeting someone new is filling me with dread and anxieties, she hasn't met anyone yet, but I'm sure she will when she's ready.
I spend a lot of time at the house that I left, sometimes staying for tea and playing happy families.
I know this is not conducive to moving on, but it feels nice and I go away feeling happy.

Sunday, (yesterday) an ex-male colleague of hers whom we've both known for a number of years, came over from Ireland to visit his daughter. He was going to visit my wife yesterday before he was due to go home and she offered him the option of staying over in the spare room. She did invite me over to see him, but I declined.
I felt that this was inappropriate as we were so recently separated and it would confuse our daughter.
She tried to placate me with the fact that he is 20 years her senior, has a daughter near my ex-wife's age and that he is just a friend and no more.
I spent the weekend absolutely depressed where I just shut myself away and switched off my mobile phone.
This morning I questioned her via messenger if she had slept with him and she replied angrily that she had not and he simply just stayed over. She was clearly annoyed at my accusations.
Knowing the type of person she is, it was unlikely that she would do that, but you never know and when you have still not let go of someone, your mind convinces you of inappropriate thoughts.
I know I was out of order questioning her as I have no control over her life, but I am so anxious and worried about how I would feel when she does meet someone new. I am not the sort of person to do anything stupid, like turn up and make a scene if she did. I would just hide away and be depressed instead.

Anyone else experience these feelings?

Hi There,
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I think what you are feeling is natural, you aren't over her yet and that makes the thought of her being with someone worse, as in your head, it's almost like you are still together. As you have already said, it's wrong to question her, but I can understand how you mind made you feel this way and why you did question her.
.
I would imagine that she was quite angry at your question, I would sit and talk with her, explain that you are still struggling with the seperation and moving on, it may also be worth while having some distance for a while, as much as it's nice having meals with her and your daughter, it isn't doing you any good.
.
GTTS

Hi guys

Just thought I would blog my feelings today as its easier than talking to someone sometimes and I am feeling just so sad.

My wife and I have backed off from one another as we had been spending a lot of time together with our daughter, considering we separated 9 weeks ago. Whilst spending time as a "family" where I could see our 5 year old daughter, I have been staying at my sisters house for the past 2.5 months.

I have been making some progress in my emotions, having equal good and bad days recently, as opposed to just feeling bad and depressed all the time.
Yet last week was a particularly depressing week on most days, but by the time the evening came around and I was on my own, I felt better. Being on my own I always feel better, it's always been that way for me.

I am now viewing houses to rent and returning to work in 2 weeks following 3 months off with depression, things that I couldn't have even comprehended even a month ago.

At present, my wife and I are amicable and whilst we don't spend too much time together now, we do message one another just to chat which I look forward to.
Keeping our distance is for me to let go and move on, but the decision to limit contact just makes me feel low and heartbroken again.
I am putting all my efforts into my interests at present, reading novels, and meditating where I am a member of a Buddhist temple.

I just pray for the day when I am not anxious about going back out in the big bad world on my own again, I don't feel so sad and I can wake up one morning, smile and say -"I am happy again".

As a good supportive friend tells me -one day, the sun will shine again
I believe my friend, but it just seems so far away.

J

Hi

Glad you're sharing. I know it feels that it will be a long time before the sun shines again, but just consider where you are now, compared to where you were a couple of months ago - do you think you would have thought you'd be feeling even a bit optimistic now if you'd been told that at the start of this? I doubt it - of course it's slow, and there will be setbacks, but you know yourself now that it's possible, so keep looking forward and try to keep it amicable with your ex for all of your sakes.

Hi friends

Does anyone have any experience of contacting the Samaritans?

I called them for the first time a few days ago and whilst they are not there to give advice, the call taker was a good listener and I was able to talk for 40 mins about how I was feeling without the thought that I was taking up their valuable time.
I called them because during the 9 week separation where I moved into my sisters spare box room, I began to feel a little better about things, but the last week I have hit a sudden deep depression which I cannot attach to anything recent and just cannot shift.
Yes, I am still sad and I miss my 5 year old daughter, but I get to see her twice a week and things have been amicable with my ex to a degree.

I am returning to work in a weeks time and I am actively looking for a place to live; I don't want to do either now, except just stay in bed all day where I feel safe.
I'm a natural loner, so I don't seek out social situations which I am fine with, just choosing to read novels and practice meditation instead.

I am on anti-drepressants but a very low dose as I did not want to go on them in the first place.

Can anyone relate or share their experiences as I am getting quite scared now and need to know that it is normal how I am now feeling.

Regards

Hi

I think it's very normal to feel what you are - you have come quite far, quite fast, so it's to be expected that there will occasionallyt be setbacks, especiallt when there is something big changing, which going back to work will certainly be. I would definitely give the Samaritans a call, that's what they are there for, and they don't have time pressures, they are there to help you through.

Hi headspace, sorry to hear you've hit a low, it must be twice as hard when you felt like you were making progress. I would definitely make use of the Samaritans if you are feeling really low, but it's also worth going back to see your GP to review your medication.

With physical issues, people usually have no issue taking medication, but are quite often hesitant to trust mental health meds. Please speak to your GP and they can help with medication or setting up talking therapies for you (I can't remember if you were already having counselling), both of which might help you. You might need your dose adjusting or to try a different type of medication.

Just a thought - would it be worth going back to work early, but just for a couple of hours a day, even if you don't do much, just to be in a familiar environment for a short time each day?

Actd's idea is worth bearing in mind. A phased return to work might help you to gauge whether you are ready to go back or not.