[Solved] Are there others like me?

Hello Headspace,

I think your wife is in as much of a confused state as you have portrayed yourself as being. She is going to need time, equally as much as I think you are. Concentrating on yourself is all important and she, separate from you, will have to deal with her own confusion and emotions. Do not let her "yo yoing" as in sending kisses then not, affect you.
All is not lost in that quarter though when it comes to dating again, let's see how you are and what you feel after a few weeks have gone by when you feel stronger.

I must say your attitude and approach to your situation is very sensible plus the diversionary tactics you are doing, all will enhance and bring you inner peace. They will certainly bring you rewards as in recovering quicker, you will gain confidence and feel more secure, learn to cope with personal situations better and become a stronger character who has faith in his abilities. You will then be able to determine what you want in the future.

I sincerely hope the harmonious relationship you have with your wife regarding your daughter is maintained as it is vital to you and your child to have as much access as possible, you need her and she definitely needs her Father in her life.

Keep doing the things that bring relief and make you happier.

Hello Headspace,

I have sent you a private message.

I feel your last post sounds as if you are doing the right things for yourself....concentrating on finding wholeness/self awareness and gaining inner peace through mediation I'm sure will help you immensely to grow independently.

Your wife wants to see you as strong and unbroken, but she may find that once you have become that person you will have grown so far apart from her, and in fact you will have moved on with your life!

She does sound very confused, having a bucket list to try and replace that which she feels is missing in her life...that could take her a very long time if she's not prepared to look inward and ask some questions of herself that she's prepared to answer truthfully, as you are doing.

You are doing great in my opinion and opening up your spirituality to fInd yourself, have patience and be open to new experiences and I feel you will come out of this a bigger person.

Hi There,
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I can't really add much other than to back up the advice above, you seem to be doing all of the right things, and even though you will have some down days, they will become fewer and further apart.
.
You sound as though you have started the accepting phase of this and are dealing with it.
.
GTTS

Hi GTTS and others

I am in a better place emotionally and I really can attribute it to time and meditation that I have discovered.
We are remaining amicable and it's been left as my wife needs a looooooong time to sort herself out and decide whether a reconcilliation is possible in the future, that's why she's told me to move on.
My feelings are that we'll just get used to being separated and start our own lives, but in her own words "I haven't completely given up on the marriage, I just need space".
I feel that as I'm getting stronger, I'm getting in the mindset that I have to assume that we won't get back together. I'm not in a position to leave my sisters yet, although I am looking at rented places on the websites, but don't feel I can commit as I'm still taking things day by day.

My wife and daughter are off to a wedding abroad next week and I was going to stay at the house for the week, but I've decided to stay only a couple of days so I can do some minor DIY jobs for her (it was my choice). It will just feel strange if I stay there.

Hello Headspace,

I am so pleased your efforts are bringing you reward and that you are beginning to feel more at peace.

What a lovely gesture of yours in doing some D.I.Y. jobs for her while she is away. A thought has crossed my mind which is, does she know what you intend to do or if she isn't aware, will she mind you going to the house and doing this work? The fact you have an amicable relationship, it would be most unfortunate if your good intentions in doing the work caused any friction if she should take exception to it being done unknown to her whilst she is away.

Hi Motherofafather

She is encouraging about me staying at the house, even saying that I should stay in the marital bed! She is fine with me doing the DIY; when I'm at the house, I normally wash up and get my daughters tea if my wife is busy. There is a large round patio to lay which I won't do as yet as I had already spent £5000 of my own savings, on house renovation a month before we split up! Laying the patio is something I will do maybe next spring for her even if we don't reconcile but at the moment things are still to raw for me to go ahead and do a big project like that.

Hello Headspace,

Great, I'm pleased to know there will be no surprise and that the possibility of any friction avoided.

It is truly heart warming to read of the amicable and open communication between the two of you.

Morning

I felt I needed to blog this morning as its the first time for over a week that I have felt quite low.

After visiting my GP yesterday and being signed off work for another 3 weeks, I went to the house to see my daughter. My wife went out to give me some alone time with her and we played and watched TV. I gave her some tea and my wife returned home and offered to cook me something, which I agreed and we all ate tea together.

The problem is, whilst things are still amicable and respectful between us, my wife says things that I don't really think she knows is hurtful. Last week I posted about her saying that she has feelings for me and wanted us to try dating each other at some stage, to changing her mind the following day and at the end of the week stating that she just needs time, giving me hope again.
Yesterday, she came out with "I wouldn't get upset if you started seeing someone" and "a weights been lifted now we're not together".
So, naturally I am being built up and now getting knocked down again. I am trying to get into the mindset that it's all over, but when I get confusing messages, which I am not pushing for, it gets to a point where it's a head game!
She insists that she has not found anybody and states that she does not want a relationship with anyone at the moment, wants to find herself and to be there for our daughter.

I want to move on but because I still want my family and I get these conflicting messages I feel that I am in limbo.

This is more of putting my thoughts down as this forum is my lifeline, but any advice or encouragement as usual would be appreciated.

Hey Headspace, just been trying to catch up on your thread.

It sounds like your wife is all over the place at the minute and not really thinking before she speaks. Being amicable can sometimes be harder than having a lot of space between you. I think you either need to appreciate that she's not going to be consistent or perhaps ask her if you can both keep off topics like that for a while as it's messing with your head a bit.

Keep doing what you're doing and try to be kind to yourself.

Hi Headspace

being the devils advocate here, is your wife trying to let you down gently, rather than actually not being sure, and possibly also she feels guilty for what has happened and trying to justify that by "giving" you your freedom?
My personal view is that you start to move on with your life as much as possible - this will give you the best chance. I'm not suggesting you date anyone yet, but just start to get yourself in a better place. It may be that, by doing that, your wife may realise that she does want you back, but don't rely on it, and if she doesn't, then you have already made a start on a new life.

Hi guys

Well, one thing that I really did not want to happen through all of this mess is my wife and I turning nasty and making threats as we have been so sensible with this. Well, I am staying over tonight as they are off abroad tomorrow quite early and I noticed that she has taken down our wedding photos from the bedroom. When I confronted her, things got heated and then the nasty threats that I did not think would happen -happened!!
I really don't want to go down this road, but this has confirmed to me tonight that there is no reconcilliation; in fact, I don't want it now.
I'm not upset, just so angry at being held in limbo for so long when all shewas doing, I agree, is letting me down gently because she says "I know you're hurting" quite frequently.
I truly do regret the argument tonight especially as my daughter heard some of it, but enoughs enough for me. I'll try and salvage any co-operation that I can but I feel like ive been made a fool of.