[Solved] The hardest life choice

To all who read this,

The hardest life choice was presented to me a few weeks ago. I am just 18 years old. I have suffered and do suffer with mental health to a severe level. I was in a relationship for 4 years. The last two years of the relationship i underwent a huge amount of pyschological abuse. Last December, The person i once loved and i began to get better and engaged in sexual intercourse, i had watched her take the pill in front of me and never expected the following events that occured.

During January i was made aware by my ex, we'll call her L for this story. L made me aware that she was pregnant and this came at a time that arguments had began again. This took me by massive shock after she told me that she lied about taking the pill for days upon days. The arguments came at a time that i was heavily swamped down by life events including my final year at sixth which was extrememly stressful for me.

The arguments got progressive worse and she began to use the baby against me. She would says things such as 'do this or I'll stop you from seeing it'. 'stop talking to this person or I'll tell everyone you're abusive'. She had incredible manipulative skills and having been subject to abuse i found myself back down everytime. As we had been seperated for four months i had tried to ensure i didn't isolate myself as i often feel suicidal in my own company. I had a friend who had not been aware of the situation i had to deal with. L continued to argue with me until she blackmailed me into telling my bestfriend. This began to really pull me down and hurt. I told my friend and she understood and suported me. However L continued to influence those around me to bring me down and made reference to encouragment of suicide and continued to use the child against me. I had to get away so cut all communications.

A couple of weeks back, during phonecall over the phone, L's mum spoke to me, It was a harsh conversation and opened my eyes to how much L lies and manipulates her home life. Her mother forced a yes or no question on me regarding whether i had rights to the child. I may add at this time it could potentially not be mine. Upon her repeating the question i chose to walk away and have no continued communication with L or the unborn child.

My decision was based upon my own health being torn apart by an individual. I felt that i only had one outlet remaining and that was to take my life. I felt i was in a position of my own life against having the childs life ( girl ) in mine. Having made this decision i am unsure of how this will play out. I intend to go to university this septemember and i am getting better with help. My initial intention, being upfront, is to allow our paths to drift.

Is walking away from the abusive mother of potentially your unborn child the right thing to do if it means saving yourself ?

I know the child will grow up and be supported and have a good life. I just want some input from anyone who has been through a similar situation of walking away from a mother and child. Should i make a diary incase the child ever grows up and wants to see me. Should i bury it and focus on my life.

I am not going to communicate directly with L or her family again, that was an agreement and written down on paper. I feel like i needed to put this out to vent my thoughts and recieve feedback