[Solved] Grieving

Hi Mr O

I cannot imagine the grief you are encountering and I like everyone else would like to offer my condolences.

In terms of turning this into a blog i think you are being very open and honest with us and it is sometimes easier to write things down in order to deal with the grief. There are many dads out there who are touched by your honesty and indeed bravery, I for one could not imagine what I would do in the same situation.

We all take too many things for granted and this thread certainly has helped me put my "Problems" into perspective.

Thank you and keep posting

Mario

I agree. I cannot imagine the loss you are feeling (the closest I can imagine is when my father died, but even that, I think, doesn't come close). Your postings are extremely moving, and I certainly hope that in posting here, you are gaining some comfort.

Thanks for your posts!! Yes, it is helpful posting here. I believe, in part, it assists my grieving to proceed.

Today seems to have been rather emotional. Firstly thinking about my LO, but this moved me to enjoy listening to her favourite music as I walked into town to get milk. I have what I can only express as an inner desire to go off and see her (which is not very practical in reality), but the need is still there.
Two hours later, when leaving the local mini supermarket, I chatted with the charity person promoting their charity. It struck me that I am also grappling with the reality that my Mother's health has dipped this year (she had help from a nurse from this very charity).
I think the above 'moving on' today has been assisted by sharing here, and therefore acknowledging, thoughts going on inside me.
Having said that, it hurts today and I expect to find it useful when I meet with my cousellor next week... [ooh, is that the correct spelling, or have I just planned a meeting with my MP]

I will now go shoot some Xbox360 and get on with other stuff as the day goes on.

Hi MrO

I think it's great that you are able to express yourself through your postings - and I agree with actd that they are very moving. I'm sorry that your mother's health has deteriorated, it's something else for you to contend with on top of everything else. You mention that you are seeing a counsellor next week - is this from a bereavement charity? It's a positive step and I hope it goes well for you.

Take care

Regards

Yes, its through the children's hospice which she had been receiving regular respite from us (because she had life limiting conditions).
The hospice gives families, siblings, parents, carers access to counselling. In the case of berevement they can provide counselling support for a couple of years after the child's death.
My Mum had a lump removed in '95 and there was some secondary cancer in 2004. Recently getting diabetes, and associated drugs, has given her a few hospital trips to get rid of giddiness, pain etc. Most of all its her reduced confidence to go out which has had the biggest impact on her. But in this last fortnight she has had a good appetite and been for visits with my brother to a brass band, a supermarked and shops down the road. I find it difficult that I am some 2 hour drive away from her so have to settle for phoning her and relying on my brothers (and they are both very good).
Its been 4 weeks since I've met up with my counsellor and am aware of things building up inside. Some get expressed, some don't.
{gunna stop sharing now - need to lighten the mood}
(I have now reconnected my hifi since moving all my 'junk' into what is now my room - Currently playing Keene: Hopes and Fears - I guess the title is rather appropriate).
PS. I use the term HiFi rather loosely. More like vintage bits and pieces. I like the amp (it has the words "solid state" on it so it must be good), and some nice Castle speakers.

Long time since i've posted an update....Generally things are a bit easier than a couple of months ago.
Recently it was our little girl's birthday - she would have been 3. It was harder a few days before her birthday. I eased this over the days by: using a 2nd birthday photo as my desktop background; listening to some of her favourite music; by putting her sparkley hat on the Christmas tree. On her birthday I just kept busy in the morning as a way to 'hide' and then in the afernoon I made scones for the first time with our toddler which had a very positive spin on it - flour everywhere and lots of fun. When I saw her 2nd birthday photo it struck me with the finality that she wouldn't have a 3rd birthday. This might seem a bit obvious from the outside but I guess it was just another degree of acceptance I was able to face. Very sad thought all the same and still when i get to think about it.

Christmas is another thing to work through. I chose to put the Christmas tree up without lights to keep things safe with our toddler. But even this was difficult because it was specifically the bright lights that she enjoyed throughout Christmas. I think my wife is finding preparation for Christmas more difficult than I am.

I've been reflecting a little about the past year and looking forward to next year and trying to shape things to aim for in 2010. There are a few things that I have on my list which I will be doing with our little girl in mind - things that we just kept putting off or not bothering to do.

I somewhat know how does it feel to lose someone so important to you..

It really hurts so much and it took so much time to recover from that loss.

God bless you in your tough times,i haven't been so unlucky to lose a child,but i lost my brother 2 years ago and it is still raw.Everyone deals with the loss in different ways and take different lengths of ime to recover .wish u luck,Ray