[Solved] Following on from my last topic on Anxiety - advice needed

hi,

hope your doing well. i think i know the feeling. i had no contact for 3 months during lockdown. just video calls. it made me numb, and in some weird way it seemed to become the new norm of child contact.

am trying to break out of that strange feeling. planning on taking kids to seaside this weekend. 🙂 make the most of the summer. take the kids out. FUN FUN FUN!

Thanks. I hope you are well too. 🙂 I've always been someone who overthinks and that makes me feel anxious, I'm probably my own worst enemy.

every time i get a message from the ex, the feeling of doom and gloom sets in. the petty complaints. dictating things to me. just trying to get used to that nonsense and carry on with life.

I hear you and totally understand. It's this type of mental abuse which no one thinks exists. 🙁

My ex. is uncomfortably 'ok' at the minute which is disturbing in itself. Do you use a 'communication book'? Not sure that that's much better than a text, in fact it's worse as you have to wait until the next handover. You'll be a stronger person for it even though it may not feel like it.

court actually recommended we use a contact book. ex used it. she ditched it right after the final hearing. :p i don't want to use it. its pretty useless for urgent, last-minute arrangements. there's a pass the parcel game instead. she passes whatsapp messages to her brother. brother forwards it to me.

Oh dear. 😮

Mother is still there in the background and that he seems to mention her more (silly I know, she's his Mum). How do I enjoy my time with him more

Hiya i tried to find your other thrread or posts on here to see how old your lad is or an estimate as in toddler start or toddler end of toddlibg.
Best way to enjoy him is do something that differes from mums its then your specially hobby. Cooking melting choclate, football, board games, kite flying, indoor wall climbing starts from 2 years old great fun.
.if you own your own house and hes not to young to know you dont do it at your aunties. Draw stencils on his bedroom wall and colour them in himself. Get face paints let him paint a mask on you. Thats his stamp on his 1st or 2nd or equal home and you.

The nitpicking insinuations that you are not as good or need scrutinising are part your ex but also part of society.
I think the best thing is you have his best interest in mind and nothing else matters. Some hate that your good because they cant match moaning mable at the moaning coffee club.

I think you are right to try not to overthink things - small children are programmed to love their mums and dads, so remember that he will love you for no reason other than that you are his dad! Make sure you tell him that you love him too, and show him with lots of cuddles as well as words. I think it is natural that he will talk about his mum as she is the other big thing in his life and he is too little to understand how you may feel. Try and take every time with him as a new day and I agree with the other comments, to have as much fun as possible! You could build up some toys or activities that he really enjoys that he only does with you, so they become things he looks forward to because he does them with you? Take some photos of you both having fun so you can remind yourself that you are a good dad, and that you had great special time together. Enjoy the summer, I hope the sun keeps shining for you 😀

This may sounds silly but when I heard the expression “ worrying never fixed anything” it went deep and made me reevaluate my thought processes. So all of your overthinking has zero effect on any outcomes or concerns that you may have. The opportunity you have to spend time with your son on this planet at this time is beyond calculations and may not ever present itself again, don’t waste this time.

Mother is still there in the background and that he seems to mention her more (silly I know, she's his Mum). How do I enjoy my time with him more

Hiya i tried to find your other thrread or posts on here to see how old your lad is or an estimate as in toddler start or toddler end of toddlibg.
Best way to enjoy him is do something that differes from mums its then your specially hobby. Cooking melting choclate, football, board games, kite flying, indoor wall climbing starts from 2 years old great fun.
.if you own your own house and hes not to young to know you dont do it at your aunties. Draw stencils on his bedroom wall and colour them in himself. Get face paints let him paint a mask on you. Thats his stamp on his 1st or 2nd or equal home and you.

The nitpicking insinuations that you are not as good or need scrutinising are part your ex but also part of society.
I think the best thing is you have his best interest in mind and nothing else matters. Some hate that your good because they cant match moaning mable at the moaning coffee club.

Thank you. I do try and do things differently to what 'she' may do. My ex has got away with so much. 🙁 She didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that Naunidh has 'another man' in his life ( I heard from elsewhere) - he calls him 'something else' and me Daddy. I don't mention anything and jus keep it to myself. When I video call him, when he starts saying 'too much' she distracts him and then sometimes whispers something to him. I've even noticed when I say ' I Love you' to him now, he doesn't really say it back, but says 'and Mummy too'. I just say yes. It's little things like this that make you wonder what she may be asking him to keep secret or not say?

I think you are right to try not to overthink things - small children are programmed to love their mums and dads, so remember that he will love you for no reason other than that you are his dad! Make sure you tell him that you love him too, and show him with lots of cuddles as well as words. I think it is natural that he will talk about his mum as she is the other big thing in his life and he is too little to understand how you may feel. Try and take every time with him as a new day and I agree with the other comments, to have as much fun as possible! You could build up some toys or activities that he really enjoys that he only does with you, so they become things he looks forward to because he does them with you? Take some photos of you both having fun so you can remind yourself that you are a good dad, and that you had great special time together. Enjoy the summer, I hope the sun keeps shining for you 😀

Thank you. I always make sure I say 'I love you' to him and always have the time for cuddles. Fun is the way to go. I regularly take photos of our time together as mementoes for the future. 🙂