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Hi there
Me and the mother of my 2 children split 5 years ago. Without going into the decision to split too much, the constant arguments were not right for the kids and she made the decision to end the relationship of 8 years. We were not married which of course meant the kids automatically went with mum.
Since breaking up, the arguments have not stopped. I work, long hours in my chosen profession and child arrangements are constantly a topic for argument between us. 2 years after our split, I met someone else and 3 years later we are now expecting a little one. The mother of my eldest two has recently started working in a role where she picks up her hours by choice. We have my eldest two every other weekend Friday-Sunday. Some fridays my new partner is able to collect them from school but it all depends on her rota as she works a rota pattern. I work 7-5 and I can be anywhere around the country. This has been made extremely difficult in recent months as we had to sell one of our vehicles as we could not afford to run the two of them. I would use the work van instead but have now been told by work that this is not to happen unless passing through. So there are some weeks where we are unable to pick them up. She has told us to give her a weeks notice as like I said previously, she picks up her shifts around the kids so needs to ensure child arrangements are sorted first, but this doesn’t happen. She picks up her shifts assuming we can collect the children by a certain time. When my partner is off, this is no problem. But when she is working, this causes problems.
I was told as the legal guardian (mum), it is her responsibility to ensure child arrangements are sorted and in place before anything else. I’m just wondering if anyone else has this issue? And how they resolved it? As it is causing a lot of stress for me, my partner and my kids as she purposely makes sure they hear the conversations between us.
May I also add that we live a 60 mile round trip a part from each other.
So strictly speaking:
Their care in her residence is her sole responsibility, and you don't have to work around her.
So at worst this means that you don't get to see them at all and she will have to manage.
The best you'll get in court is you will be told you have to pick them up by a certain time and that's it. If you fail to show up at the arranged time she will have every reason to withhold them.
This will provide for some certainty regarding times and care arrangements - as you don't seem to be able to come to an agreement with the given flexibility.
In reality this is crying for a practical pragmatic solution
How far are you off each other?
Can you do things like, pick up an uber?
perhaps cycle there and then get back in an uber/taxi?
public transport?
If you just can't do it - then you can't.
if theres no court order, she is free to mess around make whatever arrangements she wants. courts were not sympathetic to my work commitments. asked can i pick up kids 5pm. they making me collect from school, to avoid handover problems at mothers address. now i am only doing work that is as close to my kids school as possible. otherwise i could have worked all over the country.
one thing that you might get from court is you being allowed to collect the children from mothers address in evening, as you live very far away. but as i experienced, they told me to collect from school. i live 30 mins away from kids so not much of a big deal.
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