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Hi I'm new here I've got 2 little boys 1 is Just over a year and my other is 3months. The mother won't let me see them because we aren't together in a relationship I really don't know how to describe what I've been through but my situation is I won't ever see my kids unless it's on her terms and in her 'MY flat (which she kicked me out off work that one out) but she doesn't let me even get milk, nappy, clothes, I feel like I've been robbed of the chance to be a dad which I admit I wasn't ready for because I am quite young but none the less surely no man deserves this, I'm not a nasty person, im not violent, I did drink alot but that was purely the stress I was under because of money and bills (but her parents are rich so she always got what she needed) where as I wanted to be the provider as best I could and baring in mind I don't have alot of family so I didn't have anyone to guide me or give me tips or literally just someone to talk too for advice but she's always alienated me and as such I've struggled to create a bond and I'm at a morale crossroads what do I do is there anyone who has just let the mother get on with it and let the children make their own decisions ? Because I pay my maitainece and I just don't want to go through the process of going through court and c100 forms does that make me a bad father?
Hi there
I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time of it at the moment, but I want to reassure you that not wanting to go to court doesn’t make you a bad father. Hopefully others will be along to offer you some support too.
Having two babies one after the other is a lot to manage, and for a young and experienced father, it can be overwhelming. Bonding with a child isn’t always automatic, especially when there are outside stresses going on, just try and cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself.
With a very young baby and a 1 year old , she will also be feeling the pressure, that doesn’t excuse her behaviour, but it does explain it.
I would try and do as she asks right now, it’s not unusual for separated dads to be asked to visit their children at the mothers home to begin with. Just keep a low profile and concentrate on your children. Break ups are hard, she probably feels worried about the future, and is still recovering from the birth, given time things should start to settle down. What you don’t want to do is to create a bad atmosphere by arguing with her... let her know that you understand how hard it is for her and you don’t want to make things any worse. Tell her that all you want is to be a part of your children’s lives and help as much as you can.
It might be helpful for you both to try mediation to try and agree some ground rules that set out how contact can progress and the things that you can help with.
Talking about problems does help and we are here to listen and support you as much as we can.
All the best
I agree with Mojo
Do what it takes to have contact for now as it does usually get easier over time.
It's not unusual for mothers to supervise contact in the early days. If you can stand to do it, you should find things can progress from there.
Court isn't pleasant and it's a good idea to avoid it wherever possible.
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