[Solved] Withholding access new partner

I feel your pain because my ex did similar, even got the judge to put in the order that my wife could not be around the children.
This was after all reports saying my new family was happy and there were no issues with my new wife. And I actually walked out of court because it was a absolute joke and found out my wife wasn't aloud to see my daughter when I got the court order through the post!
That all happened around nine years ago.
Since then my ex made having my daughter in my life very hard neigh on impossible at times. Only person who was allowed to see her was me. My older children grandparents everyone were banned,
She'd said daughter doesn't want to see new baby etc and doesn't want to see you. I'd say doesn't matter I'll come anyway and if daughter comes out I'll take her to eat and get deserts etc I'd talk to my daughter and say we all really miss you and it's a shame you can't come out more or stay, I'd tell her about her family and what we do . I'd tell her about new baby and she said I wanna see her. I'd say mummy will be cross, daughter still wanted to see her new sister. I'd say things truthfully and in a way I'd feel like I was wording things to get my daughter curious and did think was I handling it wrong, but then I'd think nah I'm her dad she's got a full family she doesn't see everyone suffers and loses out including her due to her evil mother so no I'm not wrong and all guilt would go.
Long story short daughter became part of the family and saw the way her mum controlled everything and how lost I was with it all and how different me and her mother were.
Her mother had so much control I couldn't work I had to close my garage down, I even had to move my wife and kids into another house if I wanted to carry on seeing my daughter. My ex always found something to make life hard but I always managed to do what she asked and basically said, done it can I please see my daughter now.
Wife moving out was the most recent thing and my ex said once wife is out she will stop fighting. I knew it wasn't going to be the end of her reign of terror though!
But my daughter had grown up seeing all this behaviour from her mother and how I despaired of it and then my daughter who was nearly 10 going on 20 haha basically told her mum bye bye she's living with dad and will kill herself if she's made to go home to mum.
Daughter has been with me around 6 months now. Judge didn't put any contact in place for mum and there's been no contact. Mum has lost her daughter all due to control. Mum has realised she's "lost"
Mum could control me. But she couldn't control her daughter and me as a family. Without my daughters love for me and my wife and families support I wouldn't have my daughter in our lives today.
Now my daughter walks arm in arm with my wife and I'll be walking behind thinking wow smiling like a idiot cos I'm so happy cos all I wanted was my family and my daughter happy out of my exs control.
I never wanted things to go this way, all I wanted was my daughter in my life and to live happily, I'd have done anything to help my ex even though she was evil and only wanted things to go nicely but she controlled everything and it's all back fired, I knew her ways would be her downfall.
So I'd say show your kids true love, talk to them. What's the worst that could happen? Mum stops them seeing you? Or she'll make your life [censored]? She'll probably do that anyway! What's the best thing that could happen? They see the love and suffering in your face and see mum's not really this nice loving mum but "fake loving" mum who only wants control.
And support your new partner and family best you can cos you all gotta work together as a team, and hopefully your kids join your team cos it's the winning one.

Its a very difficult situation but i think its important you keep contact even if the mother is dictating (i understand its controlling) but losing contact will proabbly be the worst thing at the moment especially if you go through court and your child starts repeating mothers wishes of not wanting to meet her half/step siblings/family etc.

If you keep contact and show them true love (as crx mentioned) then i think it would be harder for them to be brainwashed - whereas if you do not visit more things could be said and because you are not present it can easily be perceived as true to children. So i think contact is very important at this moment.

It must be difficult for your partner, especially with having a newborn and you should support your partner as much as you can without losing contact with your other children. Maybe have it as a temporary compromise to have contact until you can sort better arrangements whether that be through mediation or court.

In regards to cafcass it really does depend i think - age of children, whether they recognise it is their wishes or mothers wishes etc and difficult to guarentee they will see through it or not. From my view, I guess without the children having met the other children how do they know if they would or wouldnt like involvement?

Good Luck

CRX - very happy for you!

Hi there

It's a no win situation for you at the moment, as you can't keep everyone happy. It's tough when an ex exerts control over the situation and dictates terms that can hurt a current partner.

You don't say how old your two boys are? As has been mentioned, the wishes and feelings of the boys will count for more the older they are.

It's impossible to predict what CAFCASS' reaction might be, or what they may recommend. if your case gets to court. I think it's worth saying that children will tell each parent what they think that parent wants to hear. They may not be as negative about you as you are led to believe.

Parental Alienation (PA) is slowly becoming more accepted, but there's still a long way to go, if you're fortunate you'll get a judge/court adviser that will promote contact firmly, and once it has been ascertained that there are no safeguarding issues contact will be pushed through.

As far as the involvement of your partner, people's experience is mixed, some courts will go with the mothers wishes, some won't, there's no way of knowing, or predicting the outcome of this unfortunately. I would advise that you are firm about it from the start and think about offering a compromise, such as a short period where you go alone, with indirect contact (phone or FaceTime) during the week to build up your relationship, with the understanding that this would lead to them being thoughtfully introduced to their siblings and your partner.

Best of luck

I wonder if there is a slight compromise with you seeing your sons on alternate weekends for a day, and skyping/facetime on the weekends you don't see them - this is only a possible short term solution until, hopefully, a court would order that your ex can't dictate terms - I would hope a court would want to encourage contact between your sons and your new children, at the very least.