[Solved] Wishes and feelings in a final hearing?

Hi there

I'm sorry you have been having such a hard time...it sounds to me that you have a judge that hasn't controlled the proceedings as firmly as they might.

May I ask how old your child is? Generally, once a child is older than 10 or 11 their wishes are given more weight.... But it's also important that parental alienation is also acknowledged, alas that's not always the case.

Im surprised that over the last two years, little to no contact has taken place, how long ago was the supervised contact and was there a report produced about how it went?

Have you been asked to provide a statement in time for the final hearing? Have you been given the opportunity to file your evidence?

CAFCASS and the court should conduct the case with the Welfare checklist as their guidance, it might help to read this and apply it to your child's situation.

With such little information, it's difficult to give you much in the way of advice, we have to be careful to remain anonymous whilst court proceedings are ongoing.

What have CAFCASS recommended as far as getting contact progressed?

Hello djhomeless,

I shall leave it to others more knowledgeable than I am to advise you how to approach your final hearing. However, I would say that when working to achieve a court order for contact, CAFCASS and the judge are concerned as to the welfare and safety of the child/ren and do not concern themselves with issues regarding a divorce e.g. financial disputes and/or disagreements between parents. Their sole concern is the child/ren.

If the judge has told you, quote, ".....Judge told me pretty clearly that my evidence was pretty meaningless....." I think this indicates that you have probably been emphasizing things which have caused you to deviate from the main issue. Furthermore, quote, ...."my child's wishes and feelings will be primarily what is considered." Does this mean that your child is aged 10 years or more? If so then their views can be sought and influence the outcome.

I well understand how upsetting this is for you particularly when the other parent resorts to untruths and also tries to alienate the child/ren from the other parent. Parental Alienation is now beginning to be recognized by the courts and hopefully in time those who participate in such behaviour will be duly dealt with.

Thanks to you both for your replies. To provide more context:

1. My child is 11
2. I went through supervised contact last fall which went extremely well. The court was clear that the supervised contact was not due to any concerns with me, just acted as a bridge to help us reconnect
3. After the supervised contact, the court issued an interim order. 2 of the first 4 court-ordered visits were cancelled by my ex. However, after my son briefly met my partner, my ex withdrew all future contact. It's been over 3 months since I saw or heard from my child.

The problem I'm struggling with, I accept that my child does believe the things that are stated in that my child only wishes for contact to be every other week for an hour at a time. However, when we were together, he was quite vocal that the opposite is true.

I realise a lot of my "evidence" does not pertain to child matters, but I was/am trying to build a case of how deceitful and dishonest my ex is, and that it should be considered likely that she has said these things to harm our relationship (between my child and I).

My ex will come represented for the final hearing in a few weeks time. Unfortunately I am still not in the financial position to afford counsel.

It's hard not to want to present a case to the court on her deceipt, but it will go against you if you do that - the court isn't interested and if you try, then they will form the opinion that you out to get back at your ex, and you don't want to have a court thinking that, so concentrate on what is best for your child, stress that contrary to the 1 hours every two weeks story, when with you, it's a completely different story and that you want to build up the relationship. By all means have the evidence with you, in case the court does want to see it, but don't concentrate on that.

Hello djhomeless,

The most important thing is to make your case child orientated and to get contact increased. I hope one of the moderators will comment on the best way you can do this. Unfortunately I do not have the experience to help you in that respect.

As for, quote, ".....trying to build a case of how deceitful and dishonest my ex is.....," you need to be careful in court what you say as it is not a platform to air grievances between parents. Having said that if you have factual evidence such as the police report you previously mentioned then this can be included.

Whilst the hurt and injustice you feel due to the actions of your Ex is traumatic for you, sadly it is a common scenario which the Judge will be very familiar with.

Many fathers on here do not have solicitors and/or barristers, they are Litigants in Person and achieve great success. Some enlist the help of a McKenzie Friend to guide them through the court process, accompany them in court and in preparing their case. They are not regulated consequently it is important if using one to seek advice regarding which ones are suitable.

Addition:- I can see one of the moderators has sent a message to you at the same time I was writing mine.

I hear what you both are saying, I put together the evidence above to try and articulate that if she's lied to Cafcass and the court in the past (and the evidence I have to that is quite factual), and if she's lied to her own child (again, I have factual evidence to support) then shouldn't it be considered likely that she's possibly being untruthful now?

I get it, I'm clutching at straws. I'm just in the impossible position that I've had fractional contact with my child over the last two years, and I can't see how I can remind my child that I'm still the same Dad I've always been (before the final hearing) when I can't even get contact now.

The frustrating thing is that Cafcass themselves agreed that the evidence I put forward shows my child is being emotionally abused, yet they also said that it counts less than physical abuse. The whole system seems setup on the simple premise that issues should be resolved by both parents, but when one parent is toxic, they don't seem to have any power to force a solution themselves.

/rant

...they do have the power, but they rarely use it unfortunately. Parental alienation is slowly being accepted by the family courts but much of the reaction to it rests entirely on the judges personal take on it.

When the interim order was breached did you apply for enforcement at all?

At 11 your child's wishes and feelings will be taken into account, but I'd be surprised if the court were guided by it completely....he's still a child and doesn't understand the implications of his "wishes" in the long term. I have known the courts make an order for contact even when a child is insisting they don't want it and I do feel you should make this point, but don't get stuck on it.

Again, getting bogged down in trying to prove the other party is lying, or wanting some kind of punishment if they make false allegations, just doesn't end well... redirect your focus to your child, follow the welfare checklist and put your arguement calmy and reasonably.

Have you been asked to provide any statements for the next hearing? This would be an opportunity to get your points across, a strong statement can sway a judge.