[Solved] Wish I had never been born

Hi There,
.
Whilst I can't really advise you as my knowledge isn't great in this area, I can offer you support and tell you that we are all here to talk to,
.
We will support you as much as we can and can help you through this.
.
Have you been to see your GP, They would hopefully be able to help you with the depression and maybe refer you for some counselling too.
.
We are here to talk so please just ask anything and someone will be able to answer the questions for you.
.
GTTS

Hi GTTS

Thanks for the reply. I have been the my GP. Been given Anti-depressants which I don't like as they make me feel braindead. Referred to Counselling but they couldn't help as they said I am in a situation and I have to clear my name and changing the way I think won't really help. There is very little help for Dads like me who have a particularly vindictive and evil ex who manages to get the state on her side.

I would have got contact at my last hearing if my ex hadn't coached my son into these latest allegations. Now I won't see them for Christmas and 2 of my children apparently hate me according to various reports. Any idea how I deal with this?

The Courts proceeding with an order last summer despite themselves and all parties not having the full evidence and recommendations taken into account, anything I can do about this? Maybe European Court of Human Rights? If Cafcass and the Court had done their job last summer, the Cafcass Section 7 Addendum, which has been so crucial and critical of her, would have been taken into account then, instead of now. I would have had a Guardian in place last summer, instead of now where my ex has had the chance to coach my children against me and I have not seen them for 7 months. I simply would not be facing criminal charges and I would have been able to build up a proper relationship with my children by now. But I have been failed massively and more importantly so have my children. They are very young and already have hate in their hearts now. Anything I can do about this?

Right now I feel like taking the easy way out as I feel like I have lost my boys anyway. The ex will never stop, my children are poisoned, The Courts and other agencies dance to her tune and make a catalogue of errors. Whats the point

Cheers

Hi There,
.
There is still plenty of point, your boys need to even if right now they don't realise it, your ex is making them think the way they are and the only way you can change that is to be strong and fight,
.
The first thing I would do is get in touch with your local MP, give them all of the information that was in the document that wasn't used in court, stating that your ex is coaching the children, they may have some ideas on how to proceed and help you voice get heard.
.
You aren't alone with this and we will support you throughout with as much help as we can.
.
GTTS

Hi there

This is such a terrible situation for you to be in, I wish I could say I've never known this happening before, but believe it or not, it has happened to other members and there are no quick fixes, it's so hard for you and you need to be strong at a time when you are at your lowest.

An easy way out wouldn't be that for your children, you have to know that they are not responsible for this and underneath all of this manipulation and alienation from you, they are still your children and the love they have for you is still there, just buried under all this mess. They are being abused by this horror of a woman, just as you are....you must not give in, your children need you to,fight for them. One day they will need you; their mother is a narcissist and has serious personality problems that will impact on them in many ways as they get older.

It's disgraceful what the court have done and I feel you would have the right to appeal, but I'm not legally trained and although I have a certain amount of knowledge on most contact cases, appeals are an area I know little about.

It's my feeling that the truth will come out, the police would surely have charged you by now had they had enough evidence, and even if it goes to trial you can present all of the evidence and reports of parental alienation and a chronologŷ of the allegations, which throws much doubt on it as it coincides with her being held to account for ignoring court orders and not turning up for hearings.

For now, it would be a good idea if your barrister can get an adjournment until the conclusion of the police investigation. You need to step back right now and get yourself back on track and build your strength up. If your children are very young, how can they have hate in their hearts? The hate they may carry is their mothers not theirs and one day they will need you.

She will make mistakes, she already has, the missing S7 addendum is proof of that, and she will slip again... th courts will always look at allegations carefully and take a cautious approach, children's safety is at stake, but trust me they are very used to hearing such allegations and very able at sniffing out the truth....it just seems to take so long! Your best friend right now is patience and the most important thing you can do at this moment is to concentrate on getting yourself in a better place. We are here for you and we want to help as much as we can. The fact that you are talking is a good first step, so let's not get sad, let's get even....you can do this and if you love your children as much as I know you do, you will sort yourself out and get back on it.

There is still hope and fighting room, but unless you concentrate on getting your strength back it will be even tougher, so start today by getting back to the GP and getting on a different medication, there are a number that you can try until you get the right one for you. Its important you eat well and get enough sleep, if that's a problem then excercise will help build up your appetite and help you sleep.

It might help if you attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, where you'll get face to face support and advice. Here's a link to their website where you will find a list of meetings nationally, hopefully there will be one near you.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Keep talking and we will do as much as we can to support you....it can get better truly it can.

Thank you for your messages and support.

It's not just the fact I have an ex that will do anything and everything to stop me seeing my boys. It is the total injustice that the Court and Cafcass completely stuffed up and, if they had done everything properly, I would probably still be seeing them, the Parental Alienation would have been stamped out and I wouldn't be on criminal charges.

I just had a Court transcript emailed through where both sides questioned a Cafcass Section 7 Addendum report that no one, or the court had received, as directed. Then a consent order was made by the Court despite them knowing that neither party or themselves had received this evidence. Nobody knew the importance of this evidence as it highlighted specific incidents of coaching and parental alienation and, since I have enforced the order, great concern has been shown by the Magistrates/Judge that an order was made without this report - and the new recommendations - being taken into account.

Basically the order I had was made on the back of recommendations from a previous Cafcass S7 report, which was horrendous for me. I ended up with minimal contact and the Guardian, which should have been appointed back then, had only just been appointed now. Therefore the alienation and coaching against me has been allowed to continue to the point where I am on criminal charges and my children don't want to see me. This wouldn't be happening if everyone had done their job. Cafcass told me after the hearing that the Court told them that they didn't receive this Addendum from Cafcass, but the Court are saying they did and that the Addendum WAS available to the bench on the day. They also said we should have asked for a copy of this addendum. But we did mention that we did not receive the Addendum and they chose to proceed with the order. If the Court I pay my fees to and I am relying upon to see my own kids are lying and covering their arses, what hope do I have??

Do you know if and how I could take my complaint further at all? I now have children that don't want to see me and are scared of me and I am on sexual abuse charges and completely broke.

Oh and I am back in Court tomorrow for a completely pointless hearing as I am on bail and not allowed to see my boys

If funds are tight, it might be better to appear without legal representation if nothing is going to happen. Has your barrister asked for a leave?

Get this hearing out of the way and concentrate on you....get your medication sorted and look after yourself. Your children are too young to have such opinions, they have been manipulated, it is their mother talking through them....I'm sure their love for you is still there, it's just buried under all their mothers hate....try and hold onto that, they need you to keep at it.

All the best