[Solved] will i see my child again

I don't think the court order will be an issue, it all seems to have gone well so I can't see that they would restrict it to indirect contact from what you have said (although there's never any guarantee what will be ordered on the day) - I would say that it's more likely to be an issue of enforcing the order, I would ask the court to make it clear to the mother what the consequences of breaching the order will be based on her performance so far.

Thanks for reply we are going to a final hearing i have a solicator in the last hearing cafcass said my daughter is at risk of emotional harm so the supervised contact was stopped but the judge ordered counsillin to me and my daughter but the mother is saying the daughter doesnt want to see me refused the indirect cards ive sent and is really making it difficult ive saved all my evidence for final hearing and there is no reason for ex to have stopped contact but because the contact sessions didnt go ahead i dont want that to go against me at final hearing and that is what i fear my daughter was happy last time we spoke she loves coming to see me but its like her mom has totally brainwashed her and i just hope at the final hearing with all the evidence i have the judges see that and see that in two years i had loads of contact and my child wasenjoying contact and even her school reports got better but her mom really has changed my daighter since she stopped her coming

Hi,

As the previous comment states,court wont be an issue pal, it doesn't look like she has grounds for her actions and they will be on your side but the reality will always be the same, contact order or not, if the mother dont want you to see your child then you wont, the brainwashing can only creep up on her when your child is old enough to realise what has been said but until then you just need to keep doing what your doing, go to court, pay CSA, keep mother sweet and hopefully it will turn out good again. This is probably not what you want to hear but im giving you the true reality and getting back to basics.

ACTD mentions an enforcement order, again pal, dont pin all your hopes on one of those as courts dont like them. but if its all you can do then do it. One of the difficult things in these situations though and its disgusting that mothers dont get into trouble for it, is if you keep whipping her [censored] back to court, if you keep fighting and bickering then it will effect your child in a big way, as much as you want to see your child and i do hope you never give up, sometimes its good to sit back, take a break and relax more, advice i wish i had listened to 3 years ago.

The very best of luck

Paul

Its torture paul really is feel like i cant win but ill never give up all i know is i hope if i do having to wait to see my daughter when shes older i hope she doesnt hate me and she does want to see me again ten years ive been going to court and i just wish this nightmare would be over thanks for advice paul means alot that there are ppl on hear who care and give advice and knowing that there are millions of dads in the same postion as me makes me feel like im not on my own

Hi,

No you're certainly not alone and there are many people that feel the pain all the time. This never goes away but after a while it does get easier as you learn to cope, and when i say easier i dont mean the pain fades i mean you stop stressing as much and take a back seat and think things through alot more. erratic behavior, and constant court hearings dont always help the matter, sometimes things heal by them self, but at the time its hard to believe that.

The main reason why i am here is to advise people on not making the same mistakes as i did. You do need to treat mothers with kid gloves, you do need to act like a puppy and you do need to always make out like they are right and then things usually get better...but the 100% absolute best advice for anybody in this situation is to please relax more and things will follow. I always refer to my actions as "panic buying"...if things broke down id panic, print out new court papers, stop CSA, cause needless rows etc, thats only human, but being human in this dont always work and sometimes being a robot can be more beneficial.

Paul

I guess i just want my daughter to know i didnt forget about her when i started seeing my daughter again in 2014 i hadnt seen her for three years and in the begining she wouldnt call me dad she told me she hated me and then when her mom started leaving her with me all that went out the window and she called me dad she told me she loved me and in no time at all we made up for thos years apart and it was like them three years apart didnt happen and we where so close now that her mom has stopped her again but this time my daughters older being nine i just cant help thinking my daughter wil be thinking im not doing this again from scratch but her mom really is a nasty piece of work i could easily try work things it with her mom but her mom has daggers for me and i just hope that the court see in the final hearing that she is doing harm stopping and starting even cafcass said shes doing untold damage to my daughter but i guess its down to the judge and luck on the day and if shes willing to listen and stop all this to save our daughter from all this negative stuff in her life anyway thanks advice ☺

Keep a diary to your daughter, write letters to her, any time you do something and think of her, put it in there. If you're out, bring back mementos - when you get to see her again, give her the diary to show her she was always in your thoughts.

I always refer to my actions as "panic buying"...if things broke down id panic, print out new court papers, stop CSA, cause needless rows etc, thats only human, but being human in this dont always work and sometimes being a robot can be more beneficial.

Paul

I 110% agree with this. I look back and think that sometimes I should have just relaxed more and been a bit more patient rather than reacting by going into "attack" mode.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it, but when emotions are overflowing and our ability as a parent is under attack rationality flies out the window!

I completely agree with you all, taking stock, stepping back and steering clear of knee [censored] reactions is the best strategy by far, when dealing with conflict with the mother of your child...a child stuck in the middle of warring parents is in a very vulnerable and damaging position and the right thing to do is always to be led by what is best for them.

If we can think about ways we can avoid overreacting, or going straight into "attack" mode, what might they be? On reflection what could we have done better?

This can be one situation where a solicitor is an advantage, as they are objective (hopefully), but expensive. I McKenzie's friend might be a good option in that they can talk it through with you and get you into a better state of mind, and have you concentrating on what is important, and what is worth letting go.

Will you be having a solicitor with you at the final hearing 1234homeland? How helpful did you find having a solicitor at your last hearing?

I can't really offer any further advice, have you been allowed to submit statements during the case? If not it might be worth preparing a short position statement to take with you...just a couple of pages to explain what has happened and what you would like the court to do.

You could suggest that you both attend a Separated Parents Information Programme, to help understand the impact that conflict between parents has on children.

All the best