[Solved] Wife not willing for me to have overnight stays 🙁

Thanks NJ,

I guess that's the reassurance I needed, thAt I'll be given the opportunity to challenge whatever my wife has applied for.

She has pretty much hinted that she is happy for contact but no overnight because son has never been away from her overnight and he needs to be gradually introduced to this concept of being away from her. It made me laugh, since before injunction the same can be said about me and son. Her motive is simple, she can't bare the thought of being away from son for even a few nights but is happy to subject me to hit. Hypocrisy and selfish, only serves her interest not son.

I'll wait for the papers to arrive. I'm guessing it's similar to the Non nolestation order in that I'll see what my wife has requested and her arguments for it, and I'll be able to send my response and arguments in terms of contact. Then on the day the judge will decide.

She has made no allegations of DV between me and son. Now that we are not living together her allegations of DV against her shouldn't really apply unless she suddenly claims I could hit son. Which I hope she doesn't

The last 6 weeks since the injunction have felt like a nightmare. I wake up thinking about my son and I go to bed thinking about him.

I think I'll always have nightmares about that day I woke up to find my wife and son gone and the knock on the door, I'll never forget that guys face who handed me the order. It's funny, I remember looking down and seeing both my wife's and my name on it and thinking someone is trying to sue us and I ran around the house looking for her. Until I read it again and it dawned on me.

First week of the injunction I still saw my wife as on my side, she was angry but will be fair when it comes to contact, now all I feel is anger and frustration at how cruel she is. I never thought she would be so cruel when it came to contact. Didn't thibk she had it in her.

This page has been a blessing and I thank everyone for their time and advise.

I just feel so alone. I stupidly even looked into a dating site lol I never registered though since it would be stupid to do something like that but All my mates live so far away and I have no life without wife and kids. This forum and my solicitor is all I have and I can't talk to him since he'll [censored] charge me for it. Parents are too elderly and I don't want to bother them.

Have you considered going to a families need fathers meeting near you?

You will have people to talk to there. I went recently and found it really helpful.

Google it to get details of a local meeting.

MH

Does anyone have tips on how I can argue my case and convince the judge for shared residency and 3.5 days a week (including overnight)

- I want to have a relationship with my two year old son. It's in his benefit to have a relationship with his father. He can't do that if he merely just sees me for a few hours every week or for a day or two every other week. He needs regular and frequent contact with me.

- it's also important that he has contact with my extended family. My son has many cousins his age and so it would be in his benefit to interact with them and develop a bond and friendship with family his age. He can't do that if he merely just sees me for a few hours every week or every offer week.

My wife has no family it's just her and her parents. They will of course love my son and take care of him but he will also miss out on so much in terms of family and interaction with them. It's important to have a relationship with parents but also cousins, aunts and uncles.

- my wife returned to full time work when son was 7 months old. I worked from home, so it was me who fed and chabged him in morning, drove and picked him up from my parents who cared for him during week, and then played with him until mum came home. I used to read to him before bed as well. My wife worked long hours 6am to 7pm, she still does and will be relying on her elderly parents to take care of our son and do the drop off and pick up from nursery when he starts.

Since day one my wife has always maintained she wants ME to have a relationship with our son and has not made any allegations. How do you think she can argue against what I'm asking for above?

- I know she will try to drag out and avoid overnight stays with me by claiming our son has never been away from her so it's not healthy for him. It's true but it can also be argued that until injunction, my son has never been away from me and so me every morning since it was me who used to drop him off and pick him up from my parents who used to baby sit for us during weekdays.

- she will no doubt mention her allegations of DV against her. Which I deny. The only thing I admit to is that we argued in front of our son but now that we are no longer living together that shouldnt be a problem

- she may claim that she "still fears for her life" therefore she doesn't want me near her parents house to pick up son. That's bull because I can pick him up when she's not there

- she may lie and suddenly claim im violent towards him. She's never mentioned it before and no doubt they'll ask her why. If she does I'll ask for a finding of facts hearing. Her only argument is that I argued in front of him, but now that we're not together that shouldn't be a problem.

Anything else I can use to support my case? Any potential hurdles?

Thanks. Court is imminent

Missing_Him's advice above is a good idea - there will be others who have been through the same.

I know exactly what you are going through, the child is half of you so automatically you feel you are entitled to half of their life.

But you need to be realistic to yourself and your current lifestyle. Can you really accommodate this?

Also I think you need to do some research on common contact arrangements for 50/50 shared care and learn the various impacts it can have on the child if not done correctly. One thing I can tell you is that research shows 50/50 wont work unless both parents have good communication between each-other and no judge would order this if that is not the case.

Apart from that other relevant things would be, the child must have their own bedroom. Space to play in a child friendly home. Basic knowledge of childcare and nutrition may need to be demonstrated and access to a garden or local park would be ideal. Also you need to show you have a wide support network

Hey,

I work from home and my wife works 6am to 7pm. She is purely reliant on her elderly parents (70+) to care for our son when she is at work.

I live at the family home and as stated above used to change and feed my son in the morning, drop him off and pick him up from my parents (who cared for him during week) and then fed him until my came home at 7pm.

Weekends we did everything as a famly together.

Also, I live only 30 min from my wife's new house (her parents house).

Surely I have a compelling argument for shared residency

There is the issue of the non molesation order which expires next year. However, the above can be achieved without me and my wife coming into direct contact.

I want a relationship with my son not become a glorified uncle and see him now and again whenever it suits my wife. I will keep fighting against it always. The fight will be done in courts so my son will never witness it nor will I argue with my wife directly over it.

That's the whole point, in order for 50/50 to work you will need to have direct contact with your wife. Like I said read up about 50/50 shared care. Professional child psychologists from all over the world have given their expertise advice on this topic there is so much info online about 50/50. Judges also know this too which is why you may have heard many times that they rarely give such an order unless both parents are in agreement. It will simply not work, think of the child. After you read up about it I think it will make sense to you. Little things like agreeing on how much television the child should watch, what nappies to use, what creams to use, how to discipline the child. The list is endless. There are certain things to consider where you will need direct contact with the mother. Even if you see your child once or twice a week, there is a lot of co-operating from both sides that is needed. 50/50 is a whole new level and co-operation is essential almost daily. I don't mean to be blunt but I cant see any judge giving you this no matter how well you prepare as the number one criteria is co-operation between the parents. My advice to you if this is what you really want, and i know its not something you want to hear but you need to try your hardest to work things out with the mother. Now might not be the best time but time will always cool things down and she may be approachable but for now I would lie low keep busy. I'm not saying stop the court process but just take it easy.

....I agree with craigmcd. I'm pretty sure I have advised you to look at the CAFCASS parenting plan, which covers a lot of what craigmcd has talked about here. It might help you to print off a couple of copies, fill one out and send a blank copy to your wife's solicitor for her consideration.

Here's a link to the sticky....

http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

Have you considered that your ex's resistance to 'overnights' may be underpinned by her knowledge of the Child Maintenance system?

Basically the less nights you have the child per year the more you pay. Just a thought bud.

She has stated in writing that she does not want maintence but wants to secure the financial future of son (guess that means sell house).

Even though she has put it in writing, I'm still gonna offer maintenance. Don't want her changing her mind few years down the line and being landed with a big back dated Bill.

I appreciate shared residency is unlikely. However no harm in asking for it. Especially if I do it politely and put forward a good case. At least it will be on record that is what I seek and the courts will put in plans and steps that lead to that.

Its strategic. If you want to sell a car for £1k you wouldn't advertise it for £1k would you? You over inflate the price and negotiate.

Think big, you'll get something decent. Think small, you're just gonna get hurt. I'm not gonna go in guns blazing. I'll make my case child centric. I won't bad mouth my wife, I'll just tell the truth....that I'm a loving dad who needs to be in my sons life since ive been with him since day one, just like my wife. We had a daily routine, i worked from home so spent the most time with him etc etc I will just argue the benefits for my son. At the very least it will be on the record that this is a man who wants to play an active and significant role in the upbringing of son, not just a Disney dad who turns up to do fun stuff.

If I ask for something realistic my wife will just offer something worse.

It's a game

From the sounds of it, you might just be learning what this is all about 🙂

What I would say is this, and I do find it mildly insulting, you keep referring to this "disney dad" figure. Some people, myself included, who have the unfortunate situation of being separated from our children by major distances only get limited weekend contact. This isn't by choice, its the way it is and imposed really by finances, travelling, and having a life to lead for oneself too. The fact that you keep on and on stating that fathers with weekend contact only are not "real" fathers is like I say, quite insulting, especially when these people like myself have been through the mill to get the contact we have.

Plus, its people like myself, who take time out of my day to help YOU with advice and insight , when we could be helping others or doing something else. It's not nice to read your insulting comments that belittle our efforts and commitment.

Sometimes, I think to myself these threads are nothing more than a wind up.