[Solved] Wife not willing for me to have overnight stays 🙁

Try not to worry about what your ex will allow, it's up to the court once you get to court. You have plenty of evidence where she has stated she wants you to continue having a close relationship with your son.

The best thing you can do is to concentrate on putting a good case together, a good position statement that sets out your case, without rancour. Start now trying to unruffle your feathers and present yourself as a calm and reasonable man that is totally child focused and only has his best interests at heart.

It's your sons right to have both parents fully involved in his life, that's the courts aim as long as there are no safeguarding issues.

So there is a chance of me getting overnights even if my wife is against it?

Like I said, there are no allegation between me and son. No wife in my life, means no arguments, and so son will witness nothing. That's all I've got.

I've really entered this like a fool. When me wife left I assumed that although she hated me, she would allow fair access to son, boy was i wrong. She is only looking out for her own interests and that is she can't bare to be away from our son.

My wifes revelation is a good thing. Now I see her purely as the enemy and I wont be so open and transparent now. What an idiot ive been. Theyve been using my love for my son and my honesty against me.

Yes there's a chance, as long as you do everything the court asks of you and present yourself well and show that your child is central to all decisions.

Simons case was similar to yours, he now has overnight contact, and Slim is just about to start having his daughter for full weekends...it's very doable.

I posted another thread about this, I should have just added it here.

My wife took the unusual step of applying to the courts to confirm contact. However they have not clarified what child arrangement order they have applied for - whether its for contact or just purely to decide who the child resides with. I know her application is with the judge who is "considering it" and even phoned up and got a court application number that starts with GU15xxxxxxxx. The judge recieved it on the 18th Feb so its been a long time of consideration.

HOWEVER, my solicitor is advising me to apply for the c100 asap.

- my wife solicitor said they applied for the c100 but has never put that in writing despite us asking. it makes me wonder if they have duped me and they have in fact applied for a residency order and only plan to offer me [censored] contact. Can I challenge this? Will the courts notify me in time and give me chance to put forward my statement (as I would have done with my own c100 apllication)

- if i apply via the c100 and it turns out my wife had actually did the same thing. will it count against me? i would have two contact court dates in theory. they could accuse me of being impulsive. but i could argue that wifes solicitor never confirmed nature of their application.

let me know your thoughts please on what i should do.

Curious to know what exactly my wife has applied for. I have the application number (GU15xxxxxxxx), do you think if i phoned up court hotline they will tell me?

...as has been said before, she can't apply for contact for you only for a Child Arrangements Order to state that the child lives with her. She may also have applied for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent you from taking him, as you have threatened to take him away from her before she left, then this may be her course of action...its impossible to second guess though. At the moment you are equal in as much as you both have PR and the child can live with either of you.

The court couldn't have given you a case number if she hasn't applied for one yet.

If she applied for an urgent no notice CAO or PSO then you would have to be notified after the order was granted and given a chance to respond at a second hearing.

If you apply for a C100 and your wife has also applied for one then you won't get into trouble, but they will merge the two cases.

There's no harm in calling the court and asking what the hold up is and what has been applied for.

Yeah they gave me a case number but I don't know what kind of child arrangement she has applied for yet. He solicitor told me it was to negotiate contact but god knows. I dont trust her any more. However, it looks like they were trying to pull the rug from under my feet and just strengthen their position, get full residency and dictate my contact

So just to clarify, the court will inform me if she has applied for an Child Arrangements Order and Prohibited Steps Order and give me a chance to argue against it on the day? Similar to what happened with her ex parte NMO. They wont just give it to her. I will have a chance to put forward my case and then they decide.

- what arguments can I use to stop her from getting Child Arrangements Order and Prohibited Steps Order? I just want shared residency

- she will no doubt claim DV but that is between me and her and she has never made allegations between me and son. she has only stated that I argued in front of our son. but if we're not together there is no problem.

- i never threatened to make my son. i told she cant take my son. hence the NMO she put on me.

I'm just gonna apply for a c100 anyway. Sod it.

If she has applied for a no notice order they can either grant it and then notify you and give you the opportunity to respond.

Or they can refuse to grant it and ask you to attend before they decide on what action to take.

There would be no point in you arguing to stop her application for a CAO, you would be better served just arguing your own case for shared residency.

Let me get my head around this (sorry)

In summary my confusion is,

My wife has applied to the courts since she wants contact to be arranged this way. This is what she told me. However It's possible she may use it to get full residency and a PSO and have no interest to discuss contact, insisting I carry on with the 2 hours a week she has given me.

If that is the case, I can still challenge this, right? Even if all she wants to do is discuss residency and not contact, I can turn up to court on the day and argue my case for shared residency and the contact I want, right?

Or do I need to apply myself for contact and discuss that on another day. Guess, I'm wondering if it's possible to hit two birds with one stone and discuss contact through the arrangement order my wife applied for.

Thanks for patience and advise

The CAO covers contact and who the child lives with, as the child already lives with her then applying for contact doesn't apply......she can't apply for contact for you. She isn't being entirely transparent with you IMO, she will have applied for a CAO for the child to live with her. This is about her securing control. If she has also applied for a PSO, this is also about control.

If you want to go for shared residence then you will be challenging her application by making your own case for shared residency. If she wants to limit your contact or stop overnights then you can challenge this during the case.

During the court process, where the child lives and what contact the child has with the non resident parent will be addressed. The CAO will state who the child lives with and what contact the child has with the other parent.

I feel you are confusing yourself by over thinking the situation. I'm concerned that you haven't received any Notice of Proceedings, given that you wife supposedly applied on the 18th February.

Your solicitor has said that he feels inclined to make an application if you don't hear soon and I tend to agree with that. To try and get things moving perhaps you should just bang in your own application for a CAO for shared residency.

Thanks NJ

In regards to my wife's application;

- when we meet in court for this can I challenge my wife's claim for full residency and also put forward what I want in terms of contact? Will the judge consider this if turns out wife doesn't want to discuss contact. Can I challenge my wife? Surely the judge can't make a claim on resudency and PSO without hearing my side.

I have it in writing were the wife's solicitir states contact will be arranged through courts and that's what they've applied to court. They can't just claim residency without me having a chance to argue my case.

Looks like I've been duped and wasted valuable weeks. I'm gonna apply first thing on Monday for my contact.

Your wife's application will allow you to argue your case and make counter proposals.

Your wife's application could include that she would like you to have such and such contact, she can stipulate that she doesn't want your child to stay overnight. She is likely to add a supplementary form C1a to the C100, outlining the risks and she will no doubt mention the non mol on this form.

Personally if I were your wife's solicitor I would advise her to stick exclusively to what she is requesting from the court on the application, and not include mention of the amount of contact she would want you to have.

At this point in time this is all supposition though, until you are served the court papers you won't know exactly what the state of play is. Going round and round like this and over thinking everything is only making you feel confused and worried....I only say this for your benefit, it's not doing you any good, raking over and over the same points.

Speak to the court on Monday and ask them what the hold up is if your wife has applied, ask them what the application is for and then speak to your solicitor.

Take some time out, go out for a drink or a nice meal and try and take your mind off your situation.