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Hello,
I am writing on behalf of my partner who is currently in Scotland as he is in the army. His ex partner gave birth to their daughter on 19th May, though she only informed him of this last week. She split up with him when she was around 12 weeks pregnant, and 8 weeks later we met each other and are in a serious relationship having just moved in together. We have been together for 6 months. Throughout the pregnancy she has been very nasty via messages and this only got worse when she found out he was with me - although it seemed this was an excuse for her to nasty and it wasn't dissimilar to how she was being before I was around. My partner, John, has never once said anything horrible back as he is petrified of her having all the control and not knowing his daughter. Whilst she was pregnant he was giving her Β£200 a month, this stopped towards the end as she cut all contact with him, but in total he gave her over Β£1000. He offered to help when she moved house and in general did everything he could.
Since finding out she has been born he has sent daily messages (contact is only via facebook) asking how his daughter is, and the messages received back are things such as 'you did nothing through out the pregnancy so don't act like the doting Dad now'. When he asked about whether he could see her when he came home on 22nd of June, she said 'I haven't decided what I am going to do with you yet'. It is understandable wearing very thin with my partner and really wearing him down.
We have agreed that the best option is to go to court, as she is not likely to agree to any contact whatsoever, and he is desperate to see his daughter.
We thought and have looked into mediation, however I am under the impression that she needs to be willing to do this? Which I can't see happening as she won't agree to anything.
Our other problem is that we don't have her address, the only contact is through facebook. She has changed her number and moved house 2 weeks after giving birth. So we are unsure how we would go about going to court in the first place? I have information on the forms required to submit contact and parental responsibility orders to the court, as we cannot afford solicitors fees of Β£3000-Β£5000 and to be honest are more than capable of doing it ourselves.
However I am worried that if he mentions this to her over message on facebook as he will have to do, then she will block him and therefore lose all contact. Will we then be able to submit the Orders to the court, explain the situation and they then locate her to make contact??
It is understandably very frustrating, John is so desperate to see his daughter and has done everything in his power to do so. Luckily we have kept all the threatening messages he has received from her, to myself and him, and all the recent messages with him asking for contact and her telling him 'not to push it'.
I would really appreciate any advice at all on where is best to go from here.
Many thanks in advance,
Joanne Sydenham
My thoughts are;
Track her down.
invite to mediation, If she refuses mediation then get an FM1 from them.
Submit c100 to the courts along with FM1 using contact details you already have.
Keep all comunications in case you need to present in court or show someone and expect her to defriend as soon as she gets court papers or even the mediation invitation.
Steer clear of FB or if you make posts write them like you know a judge will be reading them as they possibly will at some point. I wouldnt even respond via FB....
What do others think?
Regards,
Dave
Thank you for your reply Dave, really appreciate it.
I am not sure how to go about tracking her down that's the problem - that's why he is treading on egg shells with the facebook messages and doesn't want to push and ask to see her, because if she blocks him then we have no way of contacting her at all!! The facebook stuff is literally only via messages - no posts or anything like that, so it's basically just a form of texting her.
That's my main worry - having no contact details at all! We will have her last known address and last known mobile number, but nothing else. Will the Courts help us with this? Without any contact, we won't be able to invite her to mediation anyway will we as I understand she has to be willing to be involved with that, which I can't see happening.
Many thanks again,
Joanne
There are ways of tracking people down and Im sure some on this forum have done this before there maybe even a court tracking service but someone with more knowledge will advise on here Im sure. I cant see any court service being quick though.
Might sound lame but does it give an indication of where she is on FB? Im sure there is a location field....I dont use FB....its a curse.
Id think about 192.com, electoral roll or even hire a private investigator. Try google....
You said your other is in the army, he must know people who have left to go onto do security and private investigation that may be able to help? They may do it cheap or as a favour....
Yes, dont do anything to get blocked at present and keep communication civil etc. Just to labour it, she will cut comms as soon as she gets a court order and maybe even a mediation invite.
Regards,
Dave
I'd forget 192.com or electoral roll etc as they are unlikely to be up to date within the last year. Give the court a call - I think there is a way of tracing her, but I can't remember for the life of me what the court procedure is for this - hopefully someone else will post on that.
Do you have an address for, say, her mother or another relative? You can use that address for documents.
If your other half is in Scotland, and coming home 22 June, how long is he home for? In view of the distance mediation may not be practicable.
192. and electoral roll is a good places to start, have you looked on the 192.com site? and I have the name and address of an investigator who searches for people and the cost is relatively low, I will dig it out for you and the price. It was something like Β£25.
Yeppers keep off FB! you don't need to let her know in advance what your partner's intentions are.
If you cant find an address for her you can ask the Court to reveal the address, which they do through the DWP, Education, Income Tax etc.
I assume your partner is not named on the Birth certificate, so you will need to ask for a parental responsibility order as well as residence.
Hi there and welcome π
Your partner is so lucky to have such a supportive girlfriend...but I'm guessing he knows that! Good for him that he is determined to be in his childs life. π
You cant just ask the court to reveal her whereabouts, you have to make an application under section 33 of the Family Law Act 1986 and to do this you will need to submit a form C4 Seek and Find Order. You apply for this at the same time as PR and Contact. I think the fee will be Β£200 to submit them all as long as its done simultaneously. Heres a link to a very helpful website which will tell you more about this -
www.thecustodyminefield.com/mobile/FamilyLawMenu.html
Just scroll down this page until you see Seek and Find Orders and click on it....you'll find lots more information covering all aspects there too π
Best of luck.
Thanks NJ - that's the one I couldn't remember. I was hoping you'd happen along with the information π
...Thanks actd!
I just thought I would mention that its better to keep yourself as anonymous as possible if you are taking the court route...no use of real names etc. or names of places, anything that might link you to the case in any way π
Thank you so much everyone for the replies!! I honestly didn't know what to expect but can safely say I am blown away by the advice and help!
Feel much more confident now with the whole thing and I think my partner will too.
Thanks for the advice on names etc NJ will bear that in mind! As soon as he is home we will start the process with submitting the court forms etc, as mediation isn't looking possible without her contact details having looked into it - if the courts is the only way of finding her address too. I have checked the Internet like 192.com and there isn't anything on there.
Will we still need the form FM1 if we go straight to the court?
My partner isn't normally based in Scotland he is in Harrogate, and he is back for 2 weeks so should give us time to get the ball rolling.
Thank you again to everyone for their words of advice, I have no doubt we will be back on here at a later date with some more questions!!!
π
You will only be issued with the FM1 by the Mediator if your partner has attended and the other parent was invited to attend and refused, or if both parties attended but no agreement could be reached π
Sorry yes, I was a bit brief and shouldn't have said ask, because you do have to make an application to find her address.
Anyway this firm does tracing on residential searches, the last time we used them (as Solicitors) it cost Β£37 for residential address, they were also very very quick, you may want to take a look:
www.icuinvestigations.co.uk
If you want to go for Mediation you could use the firm that has been suggested to find her and ask her to attend, but if you want to go straight to court you may as well wait and put the seek and find application in as its wont cost any extra. π
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