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Hey I'm new to the site but I'm hoping you can help.
I'm dad to my 7yo daughter and I have been paying child maintenance through CMO since 2012, with no issues. My ex partner and I used to have a good arrangement for my daughter, until I found a new life partner. Since we have been a couple and bought a house together my ex has been making things increasingly difficult but I have managed to get through the tough times with her nastiness and how she uses my daughter as a weapon against me and my partner. It's been upsetting and distressing but I do what I can to keep my daughter from knowing about it all. Even though she asks me about things that my ex has told her, such as 'mommy says you don't love me enough to see me more often' and I have to try and tell her it's not true but don't worry about it and of course I love her. My ex makes things really hard for me to have a life outside of arguments via WhatsApp. She constantly tries to get me to rise and get angry with her and I don't but I keep having to back down and do as she pleases.
I have my daughter every other weekend Friday after school until Sunday evening when she goes back to her mum's house. When mum asks for more money for school trips or uniform or extra curricular things I work extra hours at work to pay for these things for her. On top of my maintenance. I don't argue with it. It keeps her happy and my daughter looked after.
For the first time in 5 years of dating my partner, we saved up and we booked a holiday abroad. We are currently away on holiday and my ex has started sending messages causing problems again. Me and my partner are really upset and don't know what to do. She likes to find ways to ruin our time together and make me feel guilty.
We arranged that whilst we flew out to go abroad together, when my daughter was due to be with us, she was going to stay with her grandma and grandpa for a few hours and they were going to take her back to her mum's on the Sunday evening. My daughter was ok with it and my parents too. When I spoke to my partner she said not to do that she would rather she was at her house for the whole weekend and we just swapped to have her for an extra weekend another time. We agreed to it no problems.
She has now messaged and said that if we can just 'dump her on her doorstep' when we go abroad, the next weekend we are due to have her, she won't be there Sunday night to have her and take her to school the next day on Monday. We will have to 'deal with it' - we both work full time, I work far away from home and leave the house at 5am. My partner works no where near my daughter's school and neither of us would be available to pick her up from their either.
I can't have any time off work for it. But my partner always says we have shared care for my daughter. I know that she is listed as the main carer, she claims all the children's benefits and I am only physically able to her her every other weekend due to work commitments.
What am I supposed to do? Where do I stand?
I want my daughter to be looked after but I don't have any family or anyone else who can take her to school that day?
She has dropped this on me and said that it's life and I have to deal with it.
There are so many other things she does that are horrible I'm not getting into it. I'm trying to be a good dad where I can but I'm struggling when she is always fighting me.
I have been to mediation, I have a certificate as she didn't bother to turn up for any meetings. I know I could go to court to resolve this but I can't afford it.
What do I do?
Confused and feeling stuck - Steve.
Hi
There isn't a clear solution here with no right or wrong way to deal with it.
How long ago was the mediation? If it was within the last four months, you can use it to apply to court. If it was longer, you would have to try again. Going to court doesn't have to cost the earth, it's very easy to self rep and that way you only pay the application fee of around £200.
It really sounds like your ex is throwing her toys out her pram purely because you have gone on holiday. Perhaps at this stage it might be worth making it clear to the mother that this situation cannot continue and that you will be making an application to court. It could make things worse, or it could make her toe the line a bit and realise effectively abandoning your daughter because you had a holiday isn't going to look good in court.
If you think you are going to end up in court, keep correspondence in writing so that you have evidence should you need to use it.
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