[Solved] When the mother wants to hand custody to father?

Hi There,
.
It sounds as yhough your children have been through a lot, not to mention the stress on you and your relationship.
.
I know someone with much more experience than me will be along soon to comment and give advice, I would say that you should apply for residency of both children based on what you have said above, If your ex is kicking them out as and when she pleases then she isn't giving them a stable home to live in, I'm not 100% certain but I don't think that you need to go through mediation before applying for residency I think that's only for contact, and I think with the back ground of your ex changing her mind so often then even if you were asked to attend mediation, I think you would have grounds to refuse.
.
As said I'm not well versed in this, a couple of our members are and they will surely comment when they log in to give more detailed advice, I don't think the agreement you have written up, would cover you I'm afriad as only a court can order residency,
,
GTTS

Thank you very much!

I know my world is in chaos because of this and clearly it's taking its toll on the kids and their mental health. I just feel so helpless. We've tried so hard to talk through their home life problems. I've tried giving them breaks where the kids stay longer with me and so forth but it just keeps ending up the same way. Her relationship with her boyfriend is volatile and I actually think the injunction is still in place against him but there's no way I can find out.

I doubt very much I will get custody of both. She has really covered up her dysfunctional behaviour like a pro, in front of both school and social services. She has basically put the blame on the kids but they are 9 & 10 so HOW the social workers couldn't see through this I just don't know. I just don't have the support from any authority or the proof of this behaviour to show a court. It's just a nightmare.

I do have proof of her wanting to give custody to me via texts and calls though. I know the document I have made won't be fully legal but I'm hoping that if she did call the police to take him back, then they might leave him here with the view that it's what we have mutually agreed until a court order can be made.

Thanks again for your input. So very appreciated!

Hi there

As you mention you have a contact order, I'm assuming the order states that the children reside with the mother?

I think you need to box clever here, as GTTS says and you acknowledge, the document isn't legally binding, but it does show mothers intent.

Give the police where she lives a call and ask them if the injunction is still in place and discuss with them the fact that he is living back in the family home and ask what your rights are to keep the children with you, due to the risk of harm to them staying in the same house. Explain that you would like to have them live with you, but because she has a residence order, as soon as you have the children in your care, you will be applying for an urgent Prohibited Steps Order to prevent them from being removed.

Will both children be coming to you tomorrow? Hopefully they will and you can take action to secure their safety. If not, go ahead and take your son as planned, get the document signed and wait for your daughter to come for contact. As soon as that happens you need to act quickly and apply for an urgent Prohibited Steps Order (PSO). You will need form C100 to apply for the PSO and form C1a to tell the court about the risks to your children.

It would be a good idea for you to talk to the Social Services in your area and tell them that your children were at risk, your son was handed over to you and about your concerns for your daughter due to the assualt on her and the fact that your children need to be kept together. Tell them that as their father, it is your responsibility to make sure your children are safe and out of harms way and that you are applying for an urgent PSO to prevent their removal and you will be asking the court to vary the existing order so that the children are resident with you.

I think you would find it useful to speak to Coram Childrens Legal Centre, although I have experience of family law, I'm not legally trained and Coram can give you legal advice, hopefully confirming what I have already said. Here's a link to their contact details

http://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/

Best of luck and please do keep us updated.

That's some fantastic advice! Thanks I really appreciate it.

Yes she has residency.
I've taken your advice to call the local police station about the injunction - they are currently closed but I will chase that up first thing tomorrow.

I only found out last night he was back living in their home and i didn't know that I could phone the police myself about the injunction.

But it does raise another question such as does social services and/or her allocated key worker know he's back in the property? I presuming not, if the injunction is still in place. Which is another vital piece of evidence to support my case.

I actually didn't realise that I can do more. The assault incident happened a month ago (I got my time scale wrong because everything has been chaos) and if I had known about the PSO then I could have stopped her from taking my daughter back. Which would have been the best outcome for her.

I really feel I have enough evidence to support my case now from talking to you guys and if indeed it's the case that the boyfriend is back living there with an injunction in place, then I have every right to be concerned about my children's safety. I guess I've let this go on for too long out of fear that she will stop me seeing them as she always does, despite the court order I have. I guess I figured that as long as I'm part of their lives I can protect them as best as I can.

In regards to my daughter, there may be an issue with overcrowding. We have a 3 bedroom house and she is starting secondary school in Sept. So she needs a bedroom to herself - which I just can't provide her right now (in the eyes of a court). I am not going to be seeing her for about 2 weeks as it was agreed that my son needs time to settle in with his new family:home. My ex can appear to be quite reasonable and rational at first but I know, from experience, that she will demand him back in a couple of weeks to a month because she wants the money she can claim for him. I will at that point apply for the PSO. It will give me a chance to get the ball rolling with schools and things in the meantime as there are no school places available for him in any school in my area.

I'm worried she will try and get him back based on this but I'm hoping if that I can show I've taken steps to get him into school/education, the court will be reasonable.

Thanks again ever so much. I will update as I go for future reference and so forth.

The advice Mojo has given you is spot on.

Personally I wouldn't wait for your ex to ask for your son to return home before making the emergency application due to the potential emotional harm your son may suffer when this happens in a few weeks time.

It's likely that you would get a without notice hearing before a District / Circuit Judge within 48 hours of making this application and it would give you all some security going forwards.

Due to the potential risks in the maternal home, I would be trying to create a space for your daughter and including her in the application as well. You would as Mojo says, need a C100 form and be applying for an urgent variation of the existing order in respect of both children and a PSO in respect of your son if he is currently in your care.

Coram are excellent and it's definitely worth calling the number Mojo has linked for you.

Good luck

Thanks very much for the reply!

The issue I'm facing in regards to applying for the PSO now is finances. I don't get paid until end of next week and we haven't the funds to pay the fees. I spent all my court fee savings when my daughter stayed the last time (travelling to school (2hrs walking a day), food, clothes as she had none with her).

Just a question please in regards to my daughter, if I may?

What are the guidelines for different sexes sharing a home? For example; we have 3 bedrooms. 2 teenage boys in one room. A 9 year old boy plus my son now in the second. And my partner and I in the 3rd. We don't have any dining rooms or extra rooms to make into a bedroom. My partner and I can sleep downstairs temporarily freeing a spare bedroom...though our bedroom is in poor condition. No carpet etc. Because we have been decorating and upgrading over the last year ( we've lived here a year).

This has been something that has been troubling me. At their mothers home, they each have their own room and her home is very nicely decorated etc. Most of our home is decorated it's just we still have some way to go. Plus we would be classed as overcrowded...

If anybody can shed some light on this, that will be great.

I'm going to be making all the calls this morning so will keep updating.

Thanks again!

Perhaps you could do it as soon as you've been paid rather than leaving it til she asks for him back? Have a look at form EX160a too, you might qualify for a reduction in fees if money is tight.

Generally CAFCASS would assess the suitability of accommodation in a Section 7 report for a change of residency and discuss the options with you at the time. If there are safeguarding issues at the mother's home, the decor etc would not have much baring on a court decision.

Update...

Just spoke to the police. The injunction has ended as of last week and all charges have been dropped due to lack of evidence.

Not sure how this affects my case. Can I still use this in court?

Also I have spoken to my daughter and she is apparently ok with boyfriend being back in the house. They are apparently working things through with help of the key worker. Really don't think that its gonna last but what can I do? As far as I can gather they have done everything that they should be doing as far as social services are concerned.

It's still a go for my son coming today. I'm phoning my solicitor next. She's not having him back. She can't just kick them out the house when she's feels like it.