[Solved] What's the point of fighting, the lies never stop

I dont know why people say

"giving up is not an option"

It is. and people do consider it.

Your situation is the very reason some men DO give up.

Ive even considered if the child would be better off hearing mums lies as its consistent in the very least! that than being fought over

His feeling is giving up is not an option. Mine is very different. Currently he has no life and that can't continue forever. This woman has effectively ruined his life yet she's happily moved onto a new partner and is expecting yet another child. She's pure evil and the part of me that keeps supporting him through this still hopes one day she will be found out.

I'm going through something similar.
Get counselling and discuss options. Sometimes you need to let go to get something back.
You might also want to wait until she has a child as her behaviour may change...

I understand the feeling of never wanting to give up when all hope seems lost. I will never give up until justice is served in my case. I will fight tooth and nail all my life for my children. Be under no illusion that having to go to will be stressful on the other side just the same.

Sooner or later the lies will be there in the open for all to see. And when the children become of age and see how much their father fought for them they will make their own judgement.

Keep the faith, try to be strong push on through.

Thank you for all the support, it's much appreciiated. I'm trying to be strong for him but sometimes I feel so helpless. It's been over two years of fighting and I've come to the conclusion this woman will never change. Why doesn't anyone see that this is damaging the children. One by one she's turning them against him, and the court and Cafcass think she's a good mother, laughable .... I really fear for those children, they have a mother who thinks lying to get what you want is fine whatever the consequences and grandparents who think the same, but they have a loving and caring father who would teach them morals and values and would give up his life for them who is prevented from seeing them.

Hey Harli

It's a horrible situation to be in and very frustrating when you are having to stand by helplessly while trying to support someone going through this.

Legal assistance is incredibly expensive but going it alone is not as daunting as it seems. If mum isn't sticking to the court order then an application for enforcement can be made using a C79 form. You don't have to attend mediation for this type of application and the listing time is quicker too. The court will likely be unimpressed that the situation hasn't moved on inline with the order and all concerns can be put to the court.

There are exceptions but in most cases, these mothers expose their tricks to the court eventually but it takes time and lots of hoops to jump through in the process.

It's worth attending a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area to get some free guidance and support on going it alone in court.

https://fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Keep posting on here and we will do what we can to assist you......

I, like you, don't understand why these women behave as they do and seem to get away with telling huge whoppers to the Courts and anyone else prepared to listen and still be permitted to emotionally abuse the children and use them as weapons to "win" their game.

The Courts need to wake up to the fact that no parent has the right to deny contact unless there is real solid documented evidence of physical or sexual abuse (which would've come to light long before going to Court). If a Father is having to go to Court in the first place due to contact denial then that should speak volumes about the Mother. It's her that should be made to jump through hoops to prove her case instead of the 'wishy washy bullsh*t' they come up with and get away with.

My Partner too has been through this process for over 2 years and went 11 months with no contact at all due to the mother & her pathetic solicitor and over-cautious judge and it's still not over. A 4th "Final" hearing in June. The mother is not getting what she wants so she is making dam sure the child is still being battered in the head by her continual manipulation and lies and is trying to have Counsellors make claims that the child is too traumatised to continue to see his Father. The only person causing the child harm is HER and we are the only ones that seem to see that!!

At the end of the day, the Judges & Solicitors are happily keeping themselves employed by spinning the process out as long as possible.

As I say to my Partner when he considers throwing the towel in "if you fight to stay in your son's life you allow the Mother to continue damaging him and if you walk away, she will still damage him by telling him you couldn't be bothered fighting for him and will bring it up at every available opportunity when he doesn't do what she wants. He's in a no win situation.

As a child of parental alienation myself, I wish my Father had fought for me all these years ago but things were so different back then.

Just keep supporting him. I know you are going through [censored] too because it's frustrating for us as Partners and Mothers that we could never behave how those nasty creatures do. I now have a wonderful relationship with my Father & I wouldn't spit on my mother if she was on fire. The truth comes out in the end and children do eventually see Mothers like that for what they are.

Big hugs to you all.

We've decided to submit a C79 today for the multiple minor breaches and recent major one, there has still been no contact whatsoever from her, any of her family or the solicitor she's supposedly engaged (this being the one his barrister had to complain to the court about in the previous case for lying and other dodgy practices). I'm a little confused about the C79 though, can he ask for the court to enforce the new draft consent order he drew up that she refused to discuss or just the existing one? We really need some good news out of the next hearing.

Why do so many mothers lie to courts and government agencies in family disputes? Simple answer: money, the state makes it well worth their while to do so, and the chances of getting caught out are negligible.

The state has allowed a loophole in the legal aid budget for cases involving domestic violence or abuse, so all a mother has to do is make an accusation (there is no burden of proof) and she will get free legal aid, this is very common indeed whereas I do not know of any instance of the same happening for a father.

Once the allegation is made the lies cannot stop of course, otherwise there would be inconsistencies. Coincidentally this also helps the mother financially, there is a strong causal link between residency and money (in state benefits, housing, child maintenance and favourable settlement of the husband's estate). As we all know, this is a very well trodden path: if a mother can prevent her children from residing with their father then she will get more money, and the state will enforce collection of capital and income on her behalf.

Lollyrus said above that he had seen parental alienation at first hand, and wished his father had fought harder: that is why the father that Harli.21 knows should not give up. I have been through this, and it is far from a level playing field, but when my son is an adult I will be able to look him in the eye and tell him I did everything I the state would allow me to.

Best wishes,

O

So, she's made allegations he's harmed his eldest and turns up for contact drunk so she wants to vary the order to stop him seeing his eldest as he doesn't want to see him. Contact is always at an indoor play centre presumably with CCTV, he's taken family members to contact on occasion, he's never been drunk and would never ever harm his child. But will the court believe her? Does she need to suppl y evidence or will he have to prove his innocence. How can he prove his innocence? This woman is evil personified and relentless, she will never stop lying. Do we need proper legal,help here or is there any chance of going it alone.

Hi Harli

You can't apply to enforce anything that the court hasn't ordered on a C79. You need to apply for enforcement of the breaches and once at court you could explain any other agreements that have been discussed, the court might consider varying the order within the same proceedings. If they won't you can then submit a C2 to add an issue to existing proceedings. A C79 has to be listed within 4 weeks whereas a C100 which should strictly be used to vary an order, requires mediation before being allowed to apply. A C2 is about £150 I think if you don't qualify for exemption or reduction of fees.

Good luck