[Solved] What to do?

I've come to realise the system is messed up but we can't blame it.
If there's proof from social services or police the mum is a bad one the courts might keep the child away from the mum. But if there's no proof the dad is bad he's still denied his children. It's not like the courts can remove children from both parents while investigations take place and someone has to keep the kids and its usually the mothers even if they are bad. Us men are the real ones to blame we get with and trust these lunatic women, maybe it's for the [censored] or we want to save them or ahundred other reasons.. The women are just as bad their morals attitudes etc.
I don't know many proper women but nearly all women from " oppressive cultures" tend to be proper women and it works. But this is changing they are even becoming cocky cows. Or the men are becoming idiots.
I married a Pakistani and she knows her job. I know my job I have to do my job and she does hers.
If my wife didn't do her job I'd dump her at her mums cos her mum has failed it'd bring shame on the family. Her mum would then teach her daughter.
If I was, a idiot I'd get a visit from her father who'd give me a talking too.
Us a individuals have to take responsibility but unfortunately we all seem to have had kids with women who won't and it causes a war or we walk away from our kids.
I've been through a break up with a proper woman who knew I was man and dad and respected me no matter what even though I cheated and was a right [censored] as a husband and dad. People would say O she's a walk over blah blah blah. Was she though? All kids wer happy and kept well in a house provided by myself. She did her job as a mother with my support and all family support and was still seen as family.
I've been through a break up with what's known as a modern woman aka damaged. police courts fights etc no one happy, years wasted, ex going through numerous new men thus damaging her already messed up mind even more. And she's apparently a, woman lol
She's childless skint and doomed. It's sad.
My wife who I divorced though due to being a proper woman and mother I got back with her after leaving my ex and had more kids and she is what you call a woman. She's modern all friends are white British she'll have a, drink now and then parties etc but she knows her job she has respect and fear of her family and won't bring shame on them. It works. I'm happy we respect each other and each others family's

Thank you for your reply

I'm not sure I fully understand why a father would have parental responsibility!

The Scottish government has a duty to protect children from any type of abuse and the The Children Scotland Act 1995 says:

Scotland's Children - The Children (Scotland) Act 1995 Regulations and Guidance: Volume 1 Support and Protection for Children and Their Families
Published: 12 Oct 2004

Part of: Communities and third sector ISBN: 0748058214
Guidance and regulations on the Children (Scotland) Act 1995

The Children (Scotland) Act 1995 marks a significant stage in the development of legislation on the care of children in Scotland.

It is centred on the needs of children and their families and defines both parental responsibilities and rights in relation to children. It sets out the duties and powers available to public authorities to support children and their families and to intervene when the child's welfare require it.

The essential principles behind the Act, which is the primary legislative framework for Regulations, Directions and Guidance, are

1. each child has a right to be treated as an individual

2. Each child who can form a view on matters affecting him or her has the right to express those views if he or she so wishes.
3. Parents should normally be responsible for the upbringing of their children and should share that responsibility
4 Each child has the right to protection from all forms of abuse, neglect or exploitation
so far as is consistent with safeguarding and promoting the child's welfare, the public authority should promote the upbringing of children by their families
any intervention by a public authority in the life of a child must be properly justified and should be supported by services from all relevant agencies working in collaboration.

When you look at the guidance for parental responsibility it clearly states we have a duty to protect our children in there best interests so if we are giving this parental right then it is our duty to our protect our children.

Why does no one listen!

It was a court who ruled for the kids to be returned as there was no immediate concern based on what social work said.

Now since the court you would expect the mother to be the upstanding parent she claimed to be on her court citation.. correct me if I'm wrong?

She has not done this.

1. Told me to expect worse case scenario as she may be found when I return with boys

2. Admitting to drug use with kids in her care

3. Admits to assualted.

4. Shows through clear communication that she has no one in the area that speaks with her although she claimed to have a social circle:

5. my oldest boy is on the vurnable person register at his primary school as he was bullied by neighbors 2 doors away so her claim that he has a social circle is fabricated for her own benefit as she admits she doesn't leave the house so the kids won't either.

6. She is abusing a doctor's prescription for sleeping tablets during the day which she admits to.

The list goes on and shows the person I have had to deal with for a long time. I never broke up a long time ago because of the fear of this exact situation.. the courts favouring the mother!

I'm not Pakistani origin or there mother.

Mum was adopted at 4 from a drug abuser and alcoholic and was abused from her adopted father after her adopted mum died only 1 year after adoption. She was abused by a boyfriend then stayed with an aunty who kicked her out for drugs and alcohol abuse.

I know this girl and she has told me a lot and I know what she is capable of with the kids and to herself.

Given I have parental rights as the biological father for the 3 boys it is my right and my duty to protect 3 young children from the abuse she will inflict on them.

None of the boys want to return to mum after I have them over night or weekends that includes my 13month old boy who crys when I hand him back to mum. My oldest 2 refuse to go in the house at the door.

Im guessing this forum will be pretty much wasted time as it's a common trait for men to be in this position and after much research I can see why it's the man than is deemed less a parent and it's because of there lack of care for the children.

I have no intentions of returning to any form of realtionship with the mum and most certainly not trying to hurt her by making such allegations.

My lawyer says after the first hearing they have given her enough rope to hang herself.

I believe she has shown this more than once since court.

This has been the process so far:

5/12/18 - I refused to return kids

12/12/18 - emergency court - kids were given to mum on a interm order

15/12/18 - mum messages myself when I had the kids saying she may be found on Sunday when returning kids

18/12/18 - mum calls and asks me to help her get drugs and abuses me yet again.

She has not done anything since as I told her I recorded all our conversations as I had to show everyone what she is really like behind closed doors.

The system is flawed and very dangerous! If I was given the residence of the children and 2 days after court acted this way they would have been removed from my care instantly!

It's the first CWH on 8th and I hope a judge can see how I have behaved as a normal father should and stuck to the order and there mother has yet again proven why we are at court in the first place and why the kids show stay with there father.

I know this girl and she knows what she has told me and has asked me to stop the court process as it's too much for her. Her adopted family have even said she banged her head off walls and punched them from a young age. I didn't know this untill only 3 months ago.

Thanks for your replys

Hi there

Scottish Family Law is different to family law here in England, but the premise remains the same, that of safeguarding children as a priority.

I think it might be useful for you to contact Families Need Fathers in your area, they will be able to advise and support you in the ways of the Scottish courts, but more so in respect of the serious safeguarding risks for your children.

If you follow the link and scroll to the bottom of the page you’ll find details of the Meetings in Scotland and also contact telephone numbers for the organisers... give them a call.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Had you posted when she sent the texts, I would have advised that you contact Social Services, to report what had been said and make an urgent application back to court to ask that the children be put in your care... she is obviously unstable and the children are at risk, especially being so young.

Look into making an urgent application back to court, speak to Social Services every time she endangers the children and the next time it happens, think about keeping hold of them and making an emergency application.. I’m sure there must be a similar process in Scotland, if it was happening her in England, that’s what I would be advising you to do.

Because the children are so young, it can be the case that they are not listened to, but you as their father have a responsibility to ensure they’re safe, which I can see your desperately trying to do.

For legal advice about how to get your case back to court as an emergency, you can call the Scottish Children’s Legal Centre, they can advise you on what you can do, heres a link to their website

www.sclc.org.uk

I’m sorry I can’t advise you more specifically, but I know very little about the Scottish Court process unfortunately, but if you follow the links you should get some help.

Best of luck

Hi there

Scottish Family Law is different to family law here in England, but the premise remains the same, that of safeguarding children as a priority.

I think it might be useful for you to contact Families Need Fathers in your area, they will be able to advise and support you in the ways of the Scottish courts, but more so in respect of the serious safeguarding risks for your children.

If you follow the link and scroll to the bottom of the page you’ll find details of the Meetings in Scotland and also contact telephone numbers for the organisers... give them a call.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Had you posted when she sent the texts, I would have advised that you contact Social Services, to report what had been said and make an urgent application back to court to ask that the children be put in your care... she is obviously unstable and the children are at risk, especially being so young.

Look into making an urgent application back to court, speak to Social Services every time she endangers the children and the next time it happens, think about keeping hold of them and making an emergency application.. I’m sure there must be a similar process in Scotland, if it was happening her in England, that’s what I would be advising you to do.

Because the children are so young, it can be the case that they are not listened to, but you as their father have a responsibility to ensure they’re safe, which I can see your desperately trying to do.

For legal advice about how to get your case back to court as an emergency, you can call the Scottish Children’s Legal Centre, they can advise you on what you can do, heres a link to their website

www.sclc.org.uk

I’m sorry I can’t advise you more specifically, but I know very little about the Scottish Court process unfortunately, but if you follow the links you should get some help.

Best of luck

I am going to give them a call this morning and ask what they would advise.

I have an appointment with my lawyer to have a discussion. The email she sent said it would be beneficial for us to discuss mum's mental health in person, I'm really hoping she says we need emergency court.

I can't help but think if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't be seeing the children for a long time.

Neither mum or myself have spoken to a judge yet and that will happen at the start of February.

I know it's just torturing myself but I can't wait that long. There mum called on the Tuesday after her weekend escapade saying she might die crying asking if I had the receipt for the 50inch tv and that my second oldest had given my youngest at 14 months a toy that he was choking on she pulled the toy out and threw it at the TV which broke it. I offered to help by using my bank statements and she refused, I said call a TV guy and it was not worth the costs to fix it. She sent me a message to confirm it's not worth it so backs my story up.

My whole point in that story is that my oldest boy who seen it all said it was the second youngest who broke the TV for giving youngest the toy!

I don't want the children growing up with someone who always blames everyone else for there own mistakes in life she is an emotional abuser and is manipulating the legal services for her own benefit not the children's.

Thank you for the reply it's good to hear that I'm not crazy and what I'm doing is right by 3 young boys.

Ah I didn’t realise you have a solicitor, the SCLC might not agree to advise you in that case. You can talk through the options for an urgent return to court at your next appointment.

It s torture when you can’t get the authorities to take your childrens situation seriously, just keep on top of it and keep chipping away.

Please do get back to us about how you get on and whether you can apply For an urgent hearing.

All the best

Ah I didn’t realise you have a solicitor, the SCLC might not agree to advise you in that case. You can talk through the options for an urgent return to court at your next appointment.

It s torture when you can’t get the authorities to take your childrens situation seriously, just keep on top of it and keep chipping away.

Please do get back to us about how you get on and whether you can apply For an urgent hearing.

All the best

Yeah sorry I have got one but the sclc still do give advise. I spoke with them this afternoon and they did advise to talk with my lawyer about it and put over my concerns for the children.

I also called a children's reporter who listened and agreed this is a child protection issue and I must speak with a solicitor as quickly as possible to push for a quicker hearing regarding mum's behaviour after a court case when it was ruled in her favour.

The children's reporter and the sclc both agree it's wrong for my local social workers to dismiss my concerns and say it will effect my case in court. I understand stand why and it's because I have come across as a father out to take children from there mum and I have made very strong allegations, they will see this all the time I suppose but for them to not listen and for all the things that has happened it shows my concerns are correct and mum is very unstable, addicted to drugs and needs them to cope and is an emotional abuser that will never stop.

Mum's biological family are all diagnosed severe bipolar and her biological mum is pshycotic and locked up in the hospital, she is not allowed to leave unless supervised.

Mum needs help and has always refused to do so when I asked her to go for help. She says our hard life caused these problem yet this has always been a problem for her.

I'm going to see the solicitor soon so I will update you on the outcome. I'm hoping with a children's reporter agreeing there is a big issue here my solicitor will feel confident in raising an urgent case for the court. Fingers crossed.

Hoping your lawyer has some good advice for you, please let us know how you get on.

Try to keep Childrens Services in the loop as much as you can and see what they advise....

Myself also I'm sick with worry.

Im really scared to call them now, I thought in the time of need they will listen and help but they didn't they have only made it worse and made the courts subject 3 young children to more abuse and if I do call them they will just say no concerns again like before. The children's grand parents were shocked when they seem the report has they have been told by my oldest that mum was hitting them on the head.

Confusing and frustrating but I will continue to do what is right by 3 young boys who don't understand what mum is capable off and the effects she will have on there own mental health for now and later life.

Thanks

It was the advice I wanted to hear. My lawyer agrees there is enough to push for a quicker appearance although her only issue is it takes 7 days to raise a motion and then they have 7 days to defend the motion so by the time we go through all of that we will be 2 weeks from the first hearing so she says it will be good for a bar report and she is going to contact social services and children's reporter before the first hearing as none of them has listened to myself she feels if she contacts social services they will have to listen.

More importantly for myself she feels as though I should have residence of the kids and we can deal with mum's contact after she gets me that.

Thanks for the replys and it's good to know I'm not m

Glad you've had better news and that things seem to be more in your favour right now.

Please feel free to keep posting and we will do what we can to help.

Best wishes

Well done for pushing it and taking action... you are doing great and hopefully you will soon have your children safely with you.

As Yoda says, please do let us know how you get on... we’re here to help as much as we can.

Best of luck