Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
HI Guys, I hope i'm posting in the right place, i'm very very stressed and confused right now, I have a 6 year old boy and I have been split up wiht my ex for 3 years now, overall communication has been ok but I really feel like i'm being taken advantage of with my ex.
I currently follow a court order that she has in place with her ex husband (she has 2 kids with him) this is every other weekend and I have him every wednesday for 2 hrs after school, plus they are both teachers so they share half the holidays which i have tried to accomodate as best as I can by using all my holiday time and working extra hours to gain lieu days to make it work, so basically 4 nights a month I have him which is woeful in my eyes however I did work in a job which had long hours so it didnt help.
I have now made a carer change with the sole intention to be with my son more, I asked earlier what was happening next week with half term and she said I wont be having him because I have a 1 bedroom flat and she doesnt want him staying somewhere where he doesnt have his own bedroom even though he has been for 3 years, she is very over powering to say the least and can get in to my head and it ends up me questioning that very fact, I know thats not true plus I have 2 beds here so we can easily sleep seperately but as I only see him 4 nights a month we do share the bed purely because we miss each other so much, either way I have been looking for a 2 bed property anyway to aleviate this issue.
I'm being told by her that 4 nights a month is too much and i'm lucky that I still see him when I do, so ive tried being civil for 3 years and avoiding court etc but I feel she will always have this power over me, I have booked an appointment with a mediator and I dont know if I should inform my ex I have or see the mediator first then decide? Also is there any element of truth with how she says that I cant have him because I have a 1 bed??
I hope someone can shed some light on this for me...... Thanks in advance
Hi and welcome to the forum
The arrangement you describe is a fairly bog standard one in terms of what a court might order, but it's certainly not too much IMO. Plenty of people achieve more contact than that through court, I understand her wanting to keep all of her children having the same contact with their fathers, but that shouldn't be a barrier for you spending more time with your son.
In terms of sleeping arrangements - parents have court ordered overnight contact in all manner of properties and if she agrees it's okay for some days but not others, it defeats her own argument.
Depending on what sort of terms you're both on at the minute, it might be worth letting her know you are trying to set mediation up? If they contact her directly and it's not previously been mentioned, it could make things more tense. It doesn't hurt to be clear and state that you don't agree with what she is saying and mediation would be the best place to deal with it.
If she refuses to attend, or attends but won't reach a suitable agreement, the mediator can stamp the form for you to apply to court.
Hi There,
.
I agree with Yoda, it wouldn't hurt to tell her that you have an apointment with a mediator, lay it out as it's a place so that you can have a discussion around when you see your son and to discuss over nights ect in a calm way with someone to help keep things on track, I wouldn't mention it as a steping stone towards court, you could always discuss that in mediation if things aren't moving forward.
.
I think the contact you have isn't too much, and although every other weekend does seem to be a bit of a norm, there shouldn't be any reason extended time in the school holidays with over nights, the fact you only have one bedroom shouldn't effect that.
.
If you do go to mediation, then take along some pictures of the bedroom laid out with seperate beds with your sons area, I would think that she is using the one bedroom as an excuse, so with some pictures to show, hopefully the mediator would try and press her on it for you.
.
GTTS
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.