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Hi Everyone,
I feel quite bad that I aren't contributing to anyone else's issues but I'm consumed by my own problems at the moment so, apologies that I'm just asking for advice - I do intend on contributing more in future!
Here's the basic situation - I'm currently seeing my son every two weeks at a contact centre for two hours and have for the last 2 months now. We're due back in court in a months time but my ex has requested a later date now (which is no big deal to me). I am the referrer to the contact centre as the courts haven't stipulated it but suggested contact begins here as I haven't seen my son for a year at this stage. He's 4 1/2 and used to live with me until he was nearly 3 but his mother left and eventually moved him 120 miles away and broke all contact with me and my family. I wasn't able to talk on the phone with him in all this time and only started seeing him in March this year.
My son is absolutely fine with me and we have a great time together and I intend to move local to him next month which will culminate with the court hearing. This hearing is for us both to submit 'Position Statements' to the courts outlining how we would like to proceed with contact and this is my problem!
When I move down I would like him every other weekend from Friday to Monday and maybe one night a week but will the courts grant this? Also, if I initially got a room in a shared professional house, would she even be able to stop him coming to stay overnight until I sort out a property of my own? Will the courts initially set out some kind of staged access whereby he would see me through the whole day for a time, then overnight and build up to this kind of contact?
I'm just in such a turmoil and am putting myself under severe stress. I don't know whether to stretch my funds and get a small flat initially but if the courts won't allow him to stay with me for a few more months I'd be better of getting a place in a shared professional house until I establish myself in the area - Not to mention that this kind of accommodation is easier to acquire!
I just wondered if anyone has any experience of staged contact once you have been extricated from your child's life for this length of time and what kind of arrangements the courts make in these situations. I've done nothing wrong and the main reason for my ex breaking contact was that I was suffering from depression!!! This is the reason she's given to CAFCASS and the courts and they asked me to obtain a doctors report stating I am not a risk to my son which they did immediately and found the whole thing a bit preposterous.
I just feel like I am completely falling apart and if I ask my ex what she will be proposing (as she's intimated that I will have to build up to weekends already) she won't assist in alleviating my worries, this I'm certain of. So what should I expect?
Any input would be gratefully received and once again, apologies for my lack of contributions to the forum thus far.
Scott
Its difficult to ever know what the courts will do.
Once you are out of the contact centre there is no reason why contact cannot be ramped up to over nights within a short time scale. Maybe one night first few weeks. then two etc etc.
The over nights from Friday to Monday is not to much to ask for either.
Its always better to ask for more and negotiate down, rather than stand firm at what you want.
Its always better to ask for more and negotiate down, rather than stand firm at what you want.
This is what I would of said ...No harm in asking as long as you can provide to his needs and you could put that you could build up to this over a period of time so you son has time to adjust to the new routine etc, that you would make sure your son was comfortable with this , you could point out that you could start by having day contact once a week then one over night stay with early return than a later return etc if you put in your statement that first and foremost you will listen and address your son's wishes and if he is happy with this contact etc they will see you only have his best interest ,
I'm not sure on what the courts will do but I'd say try and not work yourself up about the situation and try not to worry too much as stressing will get you no where, at least you have contact that's a brilliant start it will look good your moving to be with him everything takes time so I'd suggest moving in the shared place first until you find your feet get done sort of regular contact then look at getting your own place maybe? Good on you man keep plugging away you will get there 🙂
My only concern is how the courts will view him staying in your room in a shared house - they would prefer that he had his own space, so you may need to address this with the court - I think as long as you can show that you are actively looking for your own place, that would hopefully go a long way to relieving any concerns they may have. I'm not trying to be negative, more making sure that you don't get caught out in court, and that you are prepared for the question.
Thanks for the input everyone. It is appreciated and taken on board. That's much pretty much my concern 'actd', and I will mention this in my position statement.
I only want what is best for him, and I believe that's all his mum wants now as well within reason. She know's I'm not going away and if the situation was right, she'd let me have him for the odd night providing the accommodation was suitable and the other occupant was no issue (which I would only move in with anyway).
It's funny, since putting some of my worries in to words, I've put a few things in perspective and tried to stop beating myself up about things. I just want's what is best for him and I am getting access right now, I know he will be fine to stay overnight but I suppose she needs some time to get used to it as well, although, he has stayed overnight several times after we split - maybe a dozen or so! His mother is making statements which seem to be indicate she isn't contesting my full contact eventually so, its just whether that's in the next two months or six months at the extreme when I can have him every other weekend and possibly more.
All input has helped me so thanks - I've got to do some research into court 'position statements' and how to set out a short/medium and long term plan with some flexibility built in there for both of us. I just haven't been able to even face looking in to this until now for some reason - Like burying my head in the sand I suppose.
I'm going to look into a shared house for a few months to give me some breathing space to establish myself down. I'll update when I go to court or maybe when I've put my position statement together to get some input.
Thanks everyone.
Scott
Perhaps the way to go is to get increased contact at the moment, but have it written into the order that once you are in a property which will given him his own room when he stays with you (and that could possibly mean you sleeping on the sofa while he has your room), then you get overnight contact - the ideal is to get it all sorted now so you don't need to go back to court.
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