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Hi all, im new to this but i need some help...
Its a massive story so ill try 2 cut it down...
I have a 22month old daughter following a one night stand.
The situation was complicated as we met whilst working away, she came home, found out she was pregnant, and i was unsure as to wether i was the father at first... She then brought her over to where i was when she was 6months old and it was obvious she was mine. Although i was going to come home, i was told i wouldnt be allowed to see her by her monther, which that broke my heart and i didnt come...
I am now in England again, and living with my girlfriend about 20minutes away from where my daughter lives.
The last few weeks weve been very civil with each other and we had arranged to meet today for me to see my daughter, my girlfriend wa going to come - after my "ex's" suggestion - saying she wanted to meet her and "we will have to arrange a day for you both to come and meet her" (if she hadnt suggested it, that wouldnt have been the plan)... she then rang me drunk with her mother at 3am thismorning to say it wasnt happening and going crazy. She then text me telling me to die (which was mature). I was heart broken and my girlfriend convinced me to text her saying "i will come alone etc..." as she really wants me to be happy and build this relationship... So Thismorning i text her again and we arranged that i was going to meet her mother and my daughter, because she didnt want to see me. i was on my way to this meeting when she text saying it wasnt happening.
It doesnt seem we will be able to resolve anything without some assistance as shes playing games now... I know i need to contact a solicitor but financially, by the sounds of things, its going to be near impossible to afford - or take me a long time to get to the point where its possible. Realisticaly, how much is it going to cost me to do this? or is there any companys that can help me gain visitation rights without the finacial aspects of solicitors?
I need to see my daughter, its heartbreaking and i dont know how to resolve this as her mother is being very orkward now, ive made mistakes but i want to rectify them and build a relationship with my daughter...
Ive read alot of useful posts on this website and have seen about mediation and gaining visitation rights etc. But what do i do first??? Who do i see/contact? Do i write to her first? or speak to the mediation people first? how much will this cost? if that fails how much is going through the courts going to cost me?? i need to know the steps to take.
Im also a chef and work ridiculas shifts with no fixed day off etc... how would that work? And although i earn a ok amount on paper, i have rent and bills to pay, along with CSA payments and im just setting up so im saving for furnature etc... I cant afford solicitors...
Please help. Any advice would be appriciated. I dont know what to do.
Thankyou.
Hi Shay
Firstly a big welcome to Dadtalk. I have moved your post to the Legal Eagle forum and I hope our Legal Experts are going to be able to advise you.
I am sorry your ex is being inconsistent about you seeing your daughter and I can only imagine the heartache and frustration caused to you. Clearly it is in your daughter's best interests to have a relationship with you and to know you love and want to care for her while she grows up.
If you want to go down the legal route and make contact with your daughter legally binding you need to have a contact order in place. You can do this without instructing a solicitor. However it may be advisable to try mediation first to try to resolve the matter rather than apply to court straight away. The Family Mediation Helpline can talk you through the process and give you an idea of costs. Call them on 0845 60 26 627, http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
There is a lot of information and advice on the Families Need Fathers website http://www.fnf.org.uk
I will forward your post on to our legal team for their response which may take a few days so keep a look out.
I hope this helps in the meantime.
Thanks for your response Mikey... i will keep a look out for the reply.
How would i go about getting a contact order without soliciors? How much does this cost?
How much is it for the mediation service too? i will take a look at their website now, thankyou for your help.
She text me yesturday saying "i should have come and met you yesturday, i was pissed off"
i responed saying "yes you should have, i was heartbroken and i was annoyed to but im trying 2 be adult here" and she hasnt yet replied... hope she knows how awful she has been 🙁
Hi Shay,
How would i go about getting a contact order without soliciors? How much does this cost?
How much is it for the mediation service too? i will take a look at their website now, thankyou for your help.
Our legal experts could give advice on that too.
While you are waiting for them to reply you might find other threads in Legal Eagle contain some info on court costs and how to do it without a solicitor.
Dear Shay,
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
The first step in securing contact with your daughter is to try to negotiate with the mother and see if you can reach an agreement. This is not always possible and unfortunately at present the mother is able to control all contact that you have with your daughter, and even act unreasonably regarding this because your daughter lives with her and is too young to decide for herself and there is no court order in place.
You are able to suggest mediation to the mother and see how she reacts to this. It may be best to offer this in writing so that you are able to prove later that you have attempted to resolve the matter without going to court.
You are also able to contact National Family Mediation at any time for an informal chat about what they can offer and where their centres are based, without booking an appointment until you have had a response from the mother. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610.
One thing that you should be aware of is that any agreement made in mediation is not legally binding and therefore can be altered by either yourself or the mother at any time.
The other option that you have is to make an application to court for a contact order. This is a legally binding order that will state days and times for you to have contact with your daughter, and the mother is expected to comply with this and the court can penalise her if she does not.
To apply to court, you are able to use a solicitor, possibly on a Legal Aid basis depending on your financial situation, or you can make the application yourself (known as acting as a Litigant in Person’).
In order to make the application yourself, you can download forms C100, CB1 and CB3 from www.hmcs.gov.uk . The C100 form is the application and the other forms are guidance notes and contain a lot of useful information.
When you file your application at court there is a fee of £175, and in most cases this will be the only fee if you do not have a solicitor.
The matter will then go to court and you and the mother will be able to give your arguments to the court. An average court case takes between six and 12 months from beginning to end, and the court would decide whether or not to grant an order to you at the end of this (they can also grant contact in the meantime).
The courts are very much in favour of granting some form of contact where it is safe for the child to do so, and it is rare that this would not be granted, although the amount would be dependant on the circumstances of the case, and your working pattern would be taken into account also.
There is a lot of information and guidance available regarding going to court and acting for yourself on websites such as www.fnf.org.uk and www.elc.org.uk and these offer useful tips and guidance. The court would also be able to help you with any questions you have regarding the court process, but they can not offer you any legal advice.
We hope that this information is useful to you. Should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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