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So a bit of history: was with ex for 6 years on and off, summary starting in Devon we had a daughter and I was distant after dealing with best friends suicide and led to her being unfaithful, we get back together have another daughter and move closer to her family, in Halifax. She's unfaiful (before and after the move I found) and I move out, I move in to her mums for a while to be close, drives me deep into depression suicidal and all that. So I moved back to Devon for support. I stayed there, paying the child support through verbal agreement no csa but always amount I should.I Skype every week and I visit only twice a year as it costs about 1000+ each time I visit 350 Hotel 180 train and spending g money, usually 7-10 days at a time I send up money whenever she asks and always send money up for Xmas (not allowed to address from myself as all presents are from santa) I am not allowed to bring them to Devon for the holidays and have no say in their travel, let alone to take them abroad myself. I started dating a girl much younger than myself (30-18 It may sound bad but I am happier than I've ever been and actually see a bright future for us) I am not allowed to introduce daughters to her which I understand, but we've been going out for 2 years and now live together.
My ex is now married with 2 more children and has asked me to give the step dad parental responsibility. She tells me my daughters don't love me but say the don't say it so it doesn't hurt my feelings(they always hug me and say the love me when I'm with them) , and that they want to change their names. I feel like she's turning them against me. My daughters mean the world to me, I don't want to lose them but I don't know what to do, my ex wants me to move back up north, but I really don't think I can I have nothing here but them. And last time I was there it nearly killed me.
I don't know if I'm posting in right place as I've kind of rambled on, just would like some help knowing what I should do.
Hi there
That's very cruel of her to try and intimidate you by saying that your daughters don't love you, I'm sure that's not true and it's a common tactic to undermine you and control he situation.
If you're on their birth certificates then she needs your permission before she can take your children abroad, she should also be discussing things like education and religion with you.
If you have been in a relationship for 2yrs (her age is irrelevant) and are living together, you are entitled to introduce your children to her... She felt it was ok to introduce another man into their lives, what different?
How do you feel about giving permission for the ex's partner to have PR, or the name change? You have the right to refuse.
With the distance between you it would be difficult to try mediation, although some mediators can arrange it using Skype, which might be an option for you. If mediation fails, you can apply to court for an order to have a schedule of contact put in place and once there is an order, she cannot change the children's names. You could also have the PR issue addressed.
Long distance can work, it isn't as regular because of the travel time, but as children get older courts often favour the lost contact being made up in the school holidays, by ordering a bigger block of time with the non resident parent. Certainly you could reasonably expect for a court to order contact at your home every 6 weeks, this could coincide with school holidays, half terms etc.
If you went to court, it would have to be at the family court nearest to where your ex lives, but if you can get an order for regular contact at your home it would be worth it.
All the best
You don't say whether there is any court order in place at the moment, or whether it was just an agreement between yourselves, though I assume that this may be part of the divorce agreement.
With regards to parental responsibility, in theory she is supposed to consult with you over major decisions, but im reality, does she actually do this? Assuming she doesn't perhaps you could consider giving her new husband PR in exchange for more rights (such as some holiday time with you) - you may gain much more than you could otherwise.
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