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Hi Guys. 25 years old with 5yr son. My ex is being in a sense a, "bully" and using her rights with my son to be nasty and manipulative when it comes to arrangements. No co operation, all on her terms I.e she can take him on holiday, I can't. She refuses to make any effort for my son to see his father and is happy to rub in the fact she has a new man to raise our child. I am sick of being treated like this...I have, this month turned off the £ tap until I start getting cooperation and respect when it comes to our boy - I have always seen our child 6pm-8pm every Thursday since being broke up 2.5years, and have him every other weekend for 24hrs also. I have always paid £36PM above the CSA recommendation of £124. I hate to use the money for our son as leverage, I have to do what I feel is right and this is the only way out I can see.
Am I breaking the law?
My new partner wants me to go for the overpaid maintainence?
What are my options?
Massively appreciate any advise 🙂
TT
Hi,
I would not advice that you use your financial power to try control her. That equally is wrong.
You can ask for the overpayment refund but it's money that was used for your child.
Do you have any court order in place?
Hi there
As you have a family based arrangement and do not pay through the CSA you are not breaking any law. However stopping your financial support is likely to push her to open a case with the CSA (CMS as it is now called) and to further limit the time you spend with your child.
Regardless of the relationship with your ex it really is your responsibility to provide for your child if you are able to and to stop payment isn't right IMO, she has to provide a roof over his head, pay bills and feed and cloth him and I'm sure your monthly payments help towards this...if mum suffered financially so does he!
Any payment over and above the CSA recommended amount is discretionary and there's no way that I know of that would enable you to re claim it...I would forget it.
Your options are to re instate the original payment and try and negotiate through mediation a proper schedule of contact.
To start paying again but stick to the recommended amount of £124. This may cause more bad feeling and make it more difficult for you to get some consistent contact agreed.
To open a case yourself with the CSA and start paying through them... At least if you open the case you can close it at a later date....if she opens the case she has the control in that respect.
Regardless of your maintenance situation, if you are unhappy with the level and inconsistency of contact with your child then you have the option of Mediation and if that fails you can apply to the court for a defined order for contact which is legally binding.
Many dads here that end up in court self represent so it needn't be expensive. If you find yourself on that path then we can advise and support you through it.
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