[Solved] What are my chances in court?

Im self employed but haven't given my ex no money. My mum said it was best to just give her a deposit that we got back 4 a house n then get her to claim benefits so i could save my money. My family were her gaunentor to. She kept telling me to leave tho so I told her that we would remove the gaurentor but she left the house anyway n gave it bak to the lanlord. she was commiting benefit fraud so could i use that 2 my advantage?

is the going to court just about me? or will they say if my family are good contact is fine.

Nin,

I think what it boils down to is what you plan to do and want to do going forward. It's normal to defend yourself when you are in trouble, and I can see why you told social services it wasn't your fault.

Look honestly at what happened in each of these instances, and really and truthfully answer the question, should you have done what you had done? Was it really someone else's fault?

If you can truthfully say you made mistakes and it was your fault, and your fault alone, then tell Cafcass that. If they ask you why you said the opposite before, then explain to them that you realise you made mistakes and you are now taking responsibility for them and improving your life. It take a lot of courage for someone to admit they were wrong and behaved badly, and that will be noticed by the courts. If you are hostile and adversarial, blaming your ex, I guaranteed you, you will have a much harder time getting contact.

No one is intentionally being harsh with you. We are just being honest based on our experiences and the experiences of others - navigating the family justice system is tough.

As for money - contact and maintenance are separate issues. Don't even bother bringing up your financial arrangements with the ex, it will not get you contact with your kids.

Keep it simple....get on the straight and narrow. Show the courts and cafcass you mean business when you say you are committed to being a dad. That is your best way to get contact with your child.

As for your family, it matters not whether they are all saints - it will not get you contact. The application is about your child's right to see you, nothing else. Please just focus on what you can do yourself to show the courts its in your child's best interests to have contact with you.

Simon.

Contact aside don't you feel morally obliged to pay for your child's upkeep? If you are self employed and have money coming in then you should be supporting your child. It's not the governments responsibility to foot the bill, except where parents don't have any other money coming in.

My mum says not to give her any money cause she dont deserve any, we took all my sons clothes and toys from the house before she went to move the rest of her stuff out because it was from our friends n family mostly. I through one side of the cot away too so when social services went to her house she wouldnt have 1 but she got a new 1 same with the pushchair n car seat she just got new ones when we took it.
I work in the week so will the court make her let me see my son every weekend? if they do let me.
I havent spoke to her at all since after social services went to her house she said that my mum should keep her nose out because the social worker told her that i am a danger n not to see me until she had residency because we had said we were going to take him away from her. we tried tellin everyone shes depressed and possesive of the baby but they are just saying shes done the right thing and we are lyers.
i could do the parent class if it will help in court but i still wouldnt want to change nappys n stuff.
if i went to groups for violence n drugs/drink would i get to see my son at my house do u think?

I'm lost for words.

If you don't want to change nappies and stuff, don't want to support your child financially, you take away clothes and toys that your child needed and rendered his cot unusable I don't think you're ready for fatherhood....it's about giving and loving unconditionally and that's a concept that is alien to you by the sound of it.

Nin,

Your line of thinking is way off here bro.....

If continue with your way of thinking, you are going to be a very disappointed guy when the court give you no contact.

You can't pick and choose what parts of parenting you want to be involved in. If you are caring for your son and he messes his nappy, you get down on that changing mat and get your son clean and comfortable asap. If you say to the court or cafcass you don't want to change nappies....forget contact.

They want to know you are 100% child focused and can take care of their basic needs.

I think you need to distance yourself from the opinion of your family. Whatever their problem is with your ex, let them have that problem, because the moment it spills over into your contact application is when you are going to find the court not willing to risk giving contact. If you tell cafcass you removed essentials from your sons home to spite your ex and make her look bad, you will be thought of so negatively its unreal. The slightest whiff of you being non child focused will get cafcass' back up quicker than you can imagine.

You are disadvantaged right off the bat because of your history - but you have the opportunity to change.

I don't know if you can. Only you can answer that.

Are you going to court because you want to get one over on your ex? Do you really and truly want to be a father to your son?

If its the latter, follow the advice we have all given you as it will benefit you greatly.

Simon.

been following this thread & I just feel it must be a wind up .... I truly honestly can not believe that a person could present such a negative side of themselves without a hint of remorse the opposite ,

my feelings is this poster can not be genuine , I do not mean to offend but in light of the things you have shared I feel this is a the reason why us fathers are given such a hard time ,

honestly nappy changes are just part and parcel if you truly love your child it doesn't even entre your head what you will or won't do for them nothing is too much you do all you can,

based on your history and current attitude I even wonder if you can secure supervised contact just my opinion

My thoughts exactly Eric.

I did reply but dunno where it went.
I am only trying to tell you what has happened and how i have done stuff right or wrong if i dont tell the truth to you you cant give me the right advice
Basically after my son was born my ex jst didnt care about me anymore like she used to get upset n cry loads if i was angry at her or said i was leaving her but she didnt even care if i said i was leaving after he was born she slept on the sofa with him because i had work n him crying at night would have made me tired she was breastfeeding so i couldnt of done nothing anyway. she said aswell because he would cry if she put him down she couldnt sleep with him if i were there because if i was drinking and smoking weed i might roll on him or start sleep punching n kill him. my family said she was depressed thats why she wouldnt sleep with me n they said i had to put my foot down because im the man. After i went to the pub to wet the babys head i brought my mate home to stay over who is a girl but my ex said she wasnt gunna sleep in the bed because of the drugs n drink n if i wanted her to stay i had to give her n my son the bed or would have to share it with my mate so i stayed in the bed with my mate because i didnt wana sleep on the sofa. thats not normal tho! why would u let your partner sleep with another bird.
after she brought the baby home she wouldnt do anything all day n would say the baby was eating all the time n screamed if she wernt holding him after her mum n nan came over to help her clean she told me i had to help keep the house nice but it just got dirty again. I always lived at home n my mum cleaned everything n cooked she had 3 kids so whats my exs excuse n i dnt pay rent or nothing. I should be able to see my baby he is mine after all my ex is saying i am a danger to kids because when i beat up her dad i tipped a table of plates n drinks up n it went all over his 2 year old. When i were arrested for spitting in my exs face i said the baby had been sick that why she fort i spat at her she didnt press charges anyway though
Obviously i'm not going to tell the court the same as I say on here! I know i need to tell them what they want to hear so I can have a chance to see my son and your tips so far are really helpful to me.
If CAFCASS want to watch me with my son is it for like an hour? because im sure i will get a good report back from that as it's easy especially as he will be like 7 months old.
If I coperate with everything the court and cafcass say then will i get like over night contact eventually or will they prefur to leave him with his mum because he would have never stayed with me.
We took my exs passport and my exs n sons birth certificate so she cant get a passport for herself or my son but she dosent know I dont think.
When we took all the clothes and stuff we thought that if she couldnt afford to get new stuff and we had a good nursery set up social services might give him to us. He dont even have his own room at my exs house and hes 6 months old n shes still breastfeeding him when he should be eating proper food now.
My mum said my ex couldn't cope n wasnt looking after me n the house properly.
What about when my ex says she wants to supervise the contact for me will the court say thats ok and better than a contact center because I really cant be arsed with being supervised by her n her family.
The thing is my ex hasnt really done anything spiteful apart from stopping the contact and not sleeping with me in any way she still wouldnt have [censored] with me after 2 months even tho my mates wife was having [censored] with him again at 5 weeks she said the thought of [censored] stuff made her feel sick.

Ok my questions are.

Will CAFCASS believe her if she says I took my sons clothes and toys cot pushchair and car seat to be spiteful?
How will that be used against me?
On the Social report it says I asked the social worker if my son had a cot n when they asked my ex about why I would i ask that she said half the cot was missing when she tried to put it up

The Social services report says that I resented my ex buying basic provisions for my kid - can that be used or is that just he said she said?

Will I ever be able to get over night or unsupervised contact or overnights supervised by my mum? Or because my mum has done all this stuff too will they say thats not appropriate?

My solicitor does think I will get contact

Also my ex before this one had a nervous breakdown after we split up n said it was because of abuse from me They wont know that will they?

He is my child im sure nobody can tell me im not to see him.

What would happen if i turned up to see my son but had been smoking weed that day n my ex said she wont let me see him? can she break a court order? I've heard courts cann down play the fact you smoke weed.

I just need my ex to hand my son over to us he is much better off with us he has his own room and cot that my mum set up we have a bigger family and house more money my ex cant even drive
I know i need to just tell the court i am sorry for all the stuff ive done n be careful not to get arrested again because il probly have to go to prison next time.

Hi,

What your asking for is advice, and being honest is good so that we can offer you advice,

I have read through the posts that follow your own and they do just that, and I believe what has been offered is good advice.

I would say that at this stage there is a 99.9% chance of you being refused any contact at all, though if that very slim percentage does happen this contact will probably be at a contact centre.

The fact you don't pay any money towards your child is down to you not your mum, and actually this doesn't come into you having contact with your child as finances and contact are 2 seperate things.

However what will impact contact will be the following

your attitude towards the child and caring 100% for him (nappies need changing)
your history of violence
your drug taking
your lack of remource for all of the above.

If you want to be part of your childs life you need to stop looking for a easy way to gain it (reporting the ex for benifit fruad) and look at the way you are and change this first.

I would say get yourself into a support group for drink and drugs, get your self clean from both
Then ensure that what you do is best for your child and not what your mum or family think you should do
and as already said get some anger management so you can show that you can change in order to be part of your childs life.

At the moment you are a biological father and not actually a father in the sense that most men are, you will only be the childs father when you are able to care and show that what you do is for your son, if you won't change a nappy, pay towards his up bringing or stop taking drugs and drink then I would have thought you will only be a biological father.

This may seem like I'm being harsh but you are being honest with us which is good, so i am being honest too.
Just to re cap

stop looking for excuses and make some changes before you try and become part of this childs life and that is what the judge and cafcass will be looking for too.

GTTS