[Solved] Varying a Court Order regarding contact?

I'd pay through the CSA for the moment as your ex has requested this. However, beyond this, two options spring to mind - either put the extra into a savings account for your daughter for when she's older, or use the extra you are prepared to pay as leverage to increase your contact - buying extra contact isn't something you should have to do, but if you ex is playing unfair, then use any advantage you have.

Hi just an update as to where I am up to.
I've attended the parenting course PiPs that was suggested to me by the court, and tho I was sceptical as to the benefit this would have for my situation, I found it really thought provoking. Basically it focuses on the effect to children when there is conflict between parents over contact. And even tho over the years I had already been using the methods of communication they suggested it still made you stop and think!
"Could I do anything different so it doesn't effect my kids?"
There were 8 other angry individuals on the course ( all the opposite [censored] GULP!) but by the time it had finished the majority said it really made them think about how they would act in the future.
The Cafcass SW (Female) who took the course opened up by making the following statement , , , The courts and system are definitely biased toward the Mother, the system is out of date! It is going to change! And Cafcass needs to change its stance towards fathers by recognising them as equally important! It is going to change!

I thought that made a refreshing change.

She went on to say if you are not happy with how Cafcass handle your case/report make a complaint ask them to carry out a review ask for another case worker to look at your case.
So it seems slowly but surely it might become fairer for Dads. 🙂
I don't know if the other side will appreciate the course time will tell 😉

Excellent, sounds like it was time well spent, and good advice from Cafcass 🙂

😀 Awesome, glad it went OK at PIPs.

Nearly there now

Evening All just a quicky,

Im back in court on wednesday for the next stage in varying and extending the current contact order. :boohoo: :sick: :pinch:

I rang the court today as i should have received a copy of the exs reply to my proposals, a week has now past since the deadline for this reply to have been filed with the court and they say they have still recieved nothing (they have had over 8 weeks to do this reply)!!!! ( Why am i not suprised!!) :huh:
Im thinking its another tactic to stall proceedings. Because of the length of time its took for it to return to court since the initial hearing we have already lost out on extra time over the easter break, June half term holidays and bankholidays, i cant help feeling this latest delay is to try to stall the summer holidays being sorted, just to mess them up as well.
I have no doubt that come wednesday the Solicitor magically produces it before proccedings start with some pathetic excuse as to why they werent filed, as this has been the case in the past with just about every deadline. ( How do they get away with it, i thought they called it a PROFESSION because they ARE PROFESSIONALS and are not supposed to be under handed :dry: )
Anyway we will just have to wait and see.

One thing while i remember, i forgot to mention this before.
When i spoke to Cafcas at the application hearing (Cafcas are not involved, after their report they said there were no issues for them to over see and withdrew from the proccedings) the cafcas sw said that in my proposal one aspect i was asking for was a " Shared Parenting/Care Order" they went on to say by me requesting this it would be viewed by the court as a " Direct Challenge to mums Residency" and it would look bad on my part.
I replied by saying this was not the case and it was not a challenge but a request for the court to recognise both parents as equally important and have the same parental responsibilities and consideration and by no means was i trying to take away or challenge Mums Residency, as this had never been an issue in the first place and still wasnt!!!
I tried to reason with them over this issue with the information i had looked up through the links recomended on here about shared parenting/care, but they STRONGLY ADVISED AGAINST IT! ( In fact they spat the dummy out and had a good old tantrum about it, and said they wouldnt advocate such an Order in any of their cases!!!?????) So as you can understand i was a little stun'd from their reaction and omitted it from my proposal. (I do think, in my opinion, MUMS!! the word when it comes to cafcas they really dont want to rock that boat!!) Just thought id share that experience with you to see if anyone else had come across anything similar .

DAG

Just one point from your PiP course:

She went on to say if you are not happy with how Cafcass handle your case/report make a complaint ask them to carry out a review ask for another case worker to look at your case.

Could this be the way to go with your experience?

Hello actd

With how I feel after yesterday I feel like giving up and just resigning to the fact nothing is going to change unless its on thier terms.

After waiting 12 wks for a reply to my proposals to be filed with the court I have heard nothing.
As i predicted, the ex's solicitor handed me a Proposal just before going in before the magistrates, no explanation they just said that's what my client wants! And walked off!
We were only given a 15 minute hearing with different magistrates so I had to start from basics because they weren't aware of the nature of the application!
Basically an attempt was made to rail roaded me in to accepting the last minute proposal by her solicitor!
The magistrates were of no help, her solicitor just kept going on about how accomodating his client was and how she looses out on time with our daughter because she has to work 2 Sunday mornings a month. (She only works 16hrs a week, 2 days midweek then a Sunday morning every 2 weeks). He then produced their proposal which totally changes the whole structure of contact with my daughter and expected me to accept it.
They have proposed changing the contact to
Friday to Sunday every other weekend
Keeping Wednesday night as it is at 5.30-8pm (2 1/2 hours)
half term if my weekend Friday -Wednesday
If not Wednesday-Sunday
1 week at Easter but his client gets the Easter weekend regardless if it encroachs on my time.
Xmas no change
And I can have an xtra week of the summer holidays as long as its changed to the weeks they want .
I told the court I had only just been handed that proposal and didn't want to make a decision until I had considered it.
My proposals were completely ignored even tho mine don't deviate from the current order. I tried to reply but was told they only had a 15 minute hearing in place as the court was already 2 hours behind with cases.
So I asked for it to be ajdourned, the other side objected saying they thought it was a fair proposal and i should accept it now! Or come back later in the day to agree it.
Thankfully it was adjourned until 4wks time for a final hearing so I can consider thier offer.

The thing is i have had a quick look last night at it and actually they are giving nothing just moving it around!!
What I don't understand is they kept saying I had plenty of contact and the current order works for them!
I actually only get 72 DAYS a Year!!!!!
So why are they trying to pull a fast one by changing it totally!!?

I'm exhausted , frustrated and confused and at a loss!
I feel I need to talk to someone I'm scared.

What they are offering would mean our weekly contact would go to fortnightly
With only 2 1/2 hours on Wednesday nights in between. And they will have got rid of our long weekend the last weekend of the month! And actually they are offering no extra over the other holidays.
At the moment I get no bank holidays/no Xmas days/alternate new year which I have to take our daughter back then pick up on new years day to finish the holiday/no special days not even fathers day my daughter only gets to see my extended family grandparents etc in my contact time as her mum won't allow her to see them when she has her.
(Oh that is only my Estranged father who she contacted when we separated to meet his grandaughter!. He lives overseas and now visits when he comes over. I haven't had a relationship with him for more than 7 years in total my whole life. It was done by her because she thought it would get to me and wind me up!! Lets hope he's a better Grandfather than he was a Farther!)
So as you see I'm restricted in what I actually get now.
And in six years they are never open to agreement unless its beneficial to them
🙁

Firstly, don't give up because that will give your ex the idea that she can do what she wants (such as reducing contact further).

I will ask the CCLC to pop on and give an opinion, but I would suggest that you write down clearly what contact you have at the moment, compared with what they are offering (so you can show that they aren't offering anything extra) and what you are requesting. Make it as simple and clear as possible - assume that you will only get a 15 minute hearing next time as well so you need to get the information across as clearly as possible.

Actd thankyou for your reply I do really appreciate your thoughts and advice
I'm not feeling at my strongest at present infact overwhelmingly anxious!
I may have mentioned this earlier in my posts, but the ex's solicitor is really arrogant and loves to intimidate and berate you in his approach so that already puts me on the back foot. Plus this time he refused and objected to my request for Mckenzie friend and it was upheld.
I have already started putting together and comparing present contact and their proposal and they are actually offering an increase of only 10 days over the school holiday periods ( 7 during the summer 1 extra at each half term).
This would increase my daughters over night contact from 72 nights at present to only 82 nights per year. It's pathetic! That's not what I started a family for when I became a Dad to be disregarded and expected to accept limited contact with our daughter!

I will do what you suggest and put it all down to try to get that point across.

Another thing is last year when I requested mediation to be considered by my ex her solicitors reply was "their client was happy and content with the current contact order and see's no need to discuss contact any further!"
And on more than 3 times in the past 2 court appearances he has expressed and emphasized how Happy his client is with how the current contact order works.
Do you think I should point this out to the court and ask "why then have they offered me a new proposal which totally changes the structure of the current order if their client is happy with contact as it is at present"??!
It does seem contradictory to bang on how its all been plaine sailing for them and they have no issues with how contact is at present but then Now , she needs to change it to suit her :woohoo:
Surely if she wants to change the order she should make an application to do so herself!!?
Not use my application as her platform!?
Anyway thankyou so much again and I will look out for clcc's thoughts on it.
Kind regards DAG

Dear DAG

There are a lot of issues that we would need to discuss with you in order to advise fully. Therefore we would be grateful if you could contact us to discuss your case in more detail.

You can contact us via our webchat facility which is open from 9am-6pm Monday to Friday and can be found at www.childrenslegalcentre.com. We also have a freephone legal advice line which is open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday and is 0808 8020 008.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

CORAM CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE

Thank you cclc for getting in touch, as soon as I get chance I will contact you.
And thank you actd for putting cclc on to me 🙂
Kind regards DAG