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I have been in an intractable court session with my ex and things have escalated from family court to county court. Essential I am the resident parent as my ex left the kids as she couldn't cope. since then she has constantly hounded me and the children in relation to access. When she does have access she bad mouths me and my partner and poses questions to the children such as "I wonder how long she (my partner) will stay around for, you know she will eventually get tired and leave your dad.. everyone else has... then you will have no one" and other ridiculous taunts.
I have withheld contact and the court see me as the violator although I believe I have good grounds as she has in the past neglected the children, threatened to take them to a non Hague agreement country (no hope of returning them), and the children have recently reported that she also was violent to them when they live with her.
I have professionals involved, Drs, Camhs etc but the children get confused and do not provide a coherent interviewees. (eg saying they never want to see their mum on one day and the next day saying they do).
I am now being accused of stonewalling and deliberately trying to find fault with my ex, a Chinese person, but all of the things are true. I am now back in court in the next few days and do not know what to do. I represent myself but find the whole things very stressful and it is causing undue pressure on the family. My ex has never shown any interest in the kids, but I know she is out for revenge as I had the affair and nothing would give her greater pleasure than seeing me fall.
Since the kids came to me I and my partner have moved house so the kids could retain their old school, my partner gave up her job to be a full time mum and I had to leave my job as the commute was unseasonable and I was not able to be a dad to the kids.
I feel like throwing in the towel... can someone please help???
Hi there and welcome 🙂
I have complete sympathy for your situation, my own son has Residency of his 5yr old son and the trouble the mother causes is ceaseless.
He too has stopped contact, and we are expecting to have to defend his decision in court as her solicitor is threatening enforcement. However, my sons ex has been caught with a cannabis farm in one of her bedrooms, and was recently under investigation by Social Services for physically abusing her other child, as the Social Services support my sons decision 100%, we dont anticipate that the court will uphold her application for enforcement of the existing contact order. She will most likely get supervised contact, and although we will push for that to be at a contact centre, the court will probably go soft and allow her Mum to supervise the contact at her house. If that happens we wont be happy, but we will have to accept it.
As far as your case is concerned, all you can do is to continue to share your concerns for the childrens well being and how confused and upset they are after visits to their mum. To be honest, in the eyes of the court, withholding contact for things that she says to them about you and your partner, although upsetting, isnt really good enough grounds for stopping the contact ( thats not my opinion but its how the authorities will see it). This is is why the courts have taken the stance they have with you. Its a minefield and the anguish involved in dealing with a Mum that is unreasonable and nasty can be unbearable at times. For the authorities to sit up and take notice there has to be some serious risk to the children, and as wrong as it is, neglect isnt enough!! If violence against the children has only just now been mentioned, I can see that they might think its a smokescreen....I appreciate how soul destroying this is for you.
I think it might be advisable to step back a little....next time you are at court try and explain your motivation, and how upsetting and stressful it is seeing your children being left confused and frightened by her taunts, but also be open to agreeing to re- establishing contact. The court will want to hear your acknowledgement that having both parents in your childrens lives is in their best interests. As hard as this will be for you, it might mean the difference between you keeping residency or having the residency questioned. Perhaps you could suggest that the contact could be monitored for a short period just to make sure the children are comfortable with their Mum.
I know this is so unfair, if it were the other way round, and the Mother is withholding contact, the courts rarely react so strongly. You only have to read some of the Dads stories on here that havent seen their children for ages, because the Mother flouts the contact order continually.
Best of luck with it all and please do keep in touch 🙂