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Hi
I am new to this forum but am in urgent need of some advice.
My partner has been going through the court system for 6 months now as his ex would only allow him 4 hours access every Sunday from 9am until 1pm. We live in London and his ex moved their son to Eastbourne so he had to drive a 3 hour round trip for 4 hours access a week.
He tried mediation which cost him a fortune and she eventually agreed to increase his time to 9am until 3pm every Sunday, (very generous of her)
After this mediation went downhill and she started saying that the son doesnt want to see my partner when he went to collect him and even accused someone of sexually abusing her son to try and delay contact being increased, so court was the only way forward.
from the first hearing my partner started having his son in London with us once a month with her dropping off and picking up and in eastbourne the rest of the time, this then rose to overnight stays in december.
During the court process his ex had once broken the contact order and tried to say that her son wasn't happy here and got her solicitor to write a letter to the court trying to put back hearing dates due to her being too stressed with the case and unfit for court which the judge threw out thankfully.
The contact order stated that my partner has his son boxing day day and night and he returns him at 12pm the next day.
The handover took place but as soon as we had his son the ex started texting asking where we are going with him, so we replied to visit my partners mother who never gets to see her grandson. The ex started being very irrational saying that her son doesnt like his grandmother (hes only met her twice and hes only 4 and she great with him) she started threatening to come and get her son from my partners mums house and that she will call the police, she rang and demanded to speak to her son who was fine and opening christmas presents. She asked him if he wanted her to come and get him and he said no, but she insisted that she could tell her son was unhappy.
She eventually stopped calling and texting and crying and my partner called her a few times so the son could speak to her to reassure her hes ok.
We then went to my sisters house who was having a party and it all started again, she was texting asking when hes going to bed and that hes not to be kept up late and is he happy or tired blah blah, she spoke to him yet again at 8pm. and continued to text until calling again at 10pm and accusing my partner of mistreating his son by keeping his up so late even though his son was having a great time.
She demanded again to speak to her son by which point he just started to cry understandably, so she said she was driving to collect him and calling the police.
My partner took his son home and she called another 3 times leaving voicemails saying shes on her way, demanding to speak to him again and he told her hes fine.
She turned up with her family repeatedly pressing the intercom and crying hysterically, by this time his son was asleep,
My partner called the police who informed him that he has a contact order so theres nothing she can do and they wouldnt want to come and remove a sleeping child from the property as it would be upsetting for him, which she didnt care about.
She left after an hour and said that shes stopping all contact after this.
My partner then gets an email from her at 8pm last night so too late for him to seek any legal advice, stating that she has spoken to her solicitor and she is changing the contact order and will allow my partner to have his son but only if they stay in eastbourne for 7 hours (with no where to go) she said my partner must also reply to her email and agree to her terms before she'll let contact take place. She has used the excuse that her son is now unsettled at our home which is such [censored].
We are supposed to be having him at our home for the day tomorrow and she is supposed to be driving down to collect him and take him home too.
What do we do now? explain that she cant change the contact order? apply for enforecement of the order? or take what shes allowing?
We are due back in court on 20th anyway for the next hearing so i doubt an enforcement application will be dealt with before then?
Please help!!!!!!
Hi Vicky and welcome.
As you have already seen elsewhere on the forum, what your partner (and you) are going through isn't uncommon, and unfortunately the parent with care can make life difficult for the non resident parent by not complying with court orders knowing that you have to go to court to get enforcement.
My personal opinion is that your partner does not agree to what she is demanding - only a court can change the court order unless the order states that parents can vary the order by agreement - I suspect that yours may do so and that your partners ex is trying to force your partner into this. The email he received should certainly be used in court as I don't think a judge would take kindly to such behaviour. I think that your partner should call her bluff in any event, and if she refuses then it's another matter to bring up in court. I agree that you probably won't get an enforcement order before the 20th, but it may be worth your partner ringing the children's legal centre to see if there is any action worth taking before the next hearing to help his case. Unfortunately, he takes the risk that he may not see his son until the next hearing, but it's not too far away so I'd say its worth this rather than having his ex think she can change the contact whenever she wishes. She certainly has no right to say who your partner can take his son to visit as long as there are no grounds to fear for his welfare. Additionally, if she appears at the door again creating a fuss, I'd be inclined to ring the police and press to have her charged (or at least recorded) for breach of the peace.
Hopefully other dads will add their opinions on here, but keep us posted and good luck.
Hi Vicky,
Just as Actd has said you partner's story is all too common and scarily very similar to my own.
All i can say is that the people on this forum have been a great support to me in 2011, and an invauable help with helping me find my way through my court fight.
there is some great advice to find on here and help you get things straight in your own mind.....its also been a good place to vent off steam.....as i'm sure plenty have seen me do....sorry guys but thanks for letting me vent...i fear i would've gone insane had i not had this place.
i have to say that keeping truthfull and honest will win through eventually. Keep every message, make notes with dates times etc... of anything that happens, is said or done.
i've learnt this year that by me keeping every text message and making notes of phone calls and threats have all helped me prove my ex to be the deceiptful liar i knew her to be...its ironic that the people she tried to involve in this against me ended up being the people who saw through her and with their reports and notes helped me prove she is what i said she was/is.
its a long winding bumpy road but eventually it has to straighten out and get smoother......i'm also a big believer in Karma now as well.....what goes around comes around.
Good look and i wish you all the best.
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