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Hey guys
Im really peeved right now and this may be a little long winded but bear with me.
My case got adjourned for 18th july. It has been expedited to this point. Then it was relisted for 18th and 19th august but the ex has had it adjourned again and her request to have the dates from 1st august until 17th september and 1st to 10th october have been granted and a new final hearing date of 4th and 5rh december have been given. I sent a letter as advised pointing out that cafcass said my daughter is unhappy and things are worsening at home. The court has a letter from my daughter to the same effect and sent a recent statement from my daughter with a few words saying she still wants to live with me and her mother still makes her feel bad.
The judge has ignored all this despite cafcass being on side and granted the mother her wishes.
Now in the meantime the mother has already started taking the kids to the doctors to get them to disagree with my observations and sending me letters which she is copying in her solicitor on. Despite all final statements are filed.
She is coming up with bulls**t accusing my partner of speaking bad of her in front of my son and had a teacher write this in a statement.
I feel like ive lost this battle before its begun. My daughter in meantime is in a bad way.
Do I now go in for an emergency interim weds when I have kids and take my daughter with me? The courts arent listening to me or my daughter to date just the mothers lies so how would this be received? Could it backfire? My daughter is 13 and knows what she wants.
Is there anyone at court who I could talk to that wont fob me off I.e a manager?
The other route which im reluctant to take is to try to negotiate with her solicitor. The mother is a text book.narcissist with borderline personality. Its not diagnosed but my partner works in mental health and her behaviours have been much discussed with therapists. She is a highly skilled manipulator that emotionally abused.me for 10 years so know shesdoing it to my daughter.
The cafcass recommendations are for my daughter to live with me and see her mother every other weekend but has to be flexible around my daughters wishes.
They see no risk to my son so recommend he stays same.
She made an offer in june for my daughter to live with me but go to her every other weekend and every weds.
Firstly what would it look like if I offered every other weekend and alternate weds if my daughter wished to? If she refused that how would it look in court?
My other question is if was agreed would court sign it off? There is a residency and contact order in place at moment and if not signed off that remains which means she can do what she wants after. How do I get it made inti an order would not trust her without one.
Im truly banging my head against a brick wall. The Judges dont give a sh*t in all this they arent taking into account that my daughter cant take anymore. They are listening to the mother who is putting an oscar winning performance on each time. My daughter cant wait till dec and everytime I fight it the mother gets her way.
Advice now greatly appreciated.
J 🙁
... I just can't believe this J!
Have you spoken to CAFCASS? I think I suggested asking about the possibility of a solicitor for your daughter, did you ask about that?
I have a link to NYAS here they offer, information, advice, advocacy and legal representation to children and young people who have nowhere else to turn. They have a freephone helpline that operates weekdays from 9am - 8pm and Saturday from 10am - 4pm.
They might be able to help your daughter, it won't hurt to give them a call.
www.nyas.net/
0808 808 1001
As far as applying for an urgent interim residence order, it could work but there's no predicting the outcome. How badly is your daughter being effected now, what if you and she went to speak to her GP about how she is feeling and the effects the delays are having on her. You could then get a letter from the GP which I'm pretty sure would help if you were to apply for an urgent interim residence order.
I think had I been you I would be tempted to accept the offer she made in June. The CAFCASS recommendation is more or less the same as she has offered. If you can agree on that then on return to court they would be pleased that you had been able to agree between yourselves and would write up the order in accordance.
I think you need to sit down with your daughter and talk it through. Put simply having to see her mother 2 weekends a month and a day in the week is far more preferable to what she has now. Sometimes you just have to take the compromise and I think your daughter is old enough to understand that. The court are never going to make an order in your favour without any contact with the mother. Who knows, their relationship might improve once your daughter spends most of her time away from her.
My son has custody of his son, we have just finished an 18 month stint in court over contact, we wanted supervised as the mother is proven unfit, there's no doubt about that and she doesn't deserve to see him at all, but the court just won't countenance no contact...she's the mother! So we compromised and agreed before the hearing to one night every two weeks and Wednesday tea time. Before the case she was getting 3 nights a fortnight and Wednesday, so she lost 2/3rds of her contact. My son was in court for 10 minutes and because they agreed between themselves beforehand the judge was happy.
Your daughter can speak with her feet in three years if she wants and never visit her mother again. If the cruelty continues, once you have the residence order you will be in a much better position to suspend contact.
I'm so sorry it has got to this, it doesn't surprise me though, family law courts are often not fit for purpose. Try NYAS and speak to CAFCASS.
Hi Nannyjane,
Thanks for the reply.
I've decided to try and negotiate with her solicitor on Monday so an order starts in the new school term.
My proposal will be that my daughter see's her alternate weekends and has two mid week stays a month as long as she extends that courtesy to my son to do the same with me.
This is such a small increase in what she wants anyway. What if she disagrees to this? And what if she offers this in December a day before final hearing.
Im not going to agree to it then if she can't agree now as obvious she's doing it to stall time. I'm wondering though how will look if she doesn't agree to it now if previously offered?
thanks so much for your help been great :D.
J
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