Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information β open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you β or someone you know β are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi Guys,
I thought I'd post an update 5 years since my final hearing, Some members may know me from years ago but I think most of you wont, My ordeal started when my ex told me she was pregnant and said I was to have nothing to do with the child, I spent the whole of the pregnancy not knowing if my baby was ok and found out 2 days after she was born that she was born, The ex roped me in when my girl was 5 weeks old as she wanted money as usual leading up to xmas and i moved into my babys nursery and took over night feeds, whilst i was there i noticed the ex drinking loads and abusing her other daughter, when i pulled her up about it she banned me from ever seeing either girls ever again, I spent the next few months not having a clue what to do and after a suicide attempt I found this site which saved my bacon really.
I soon made an application to court and got my first hearing, I had all the usual allegations of DV child abuse, drug taking and basically the kitchen sink threw at me from the start, I was having none of this every other weekend business and stuck to my guns for every weekend, court lasted for about 10 months and i didnt see my girls throughout, It was by far the worst experience I have ever had I do not know how I made it through my first fathers day without my girl and her first birthday it was horrific, anyway the final hearing came and i got contact which built up from 1 hour every 2 weeks in a contact centre, then supervised by her sister for 4 hours a week then eventually it went to over nights and every weekend friday til sunday.
The hard work really does start after the final hearing as you have to work with the mother to bring up your child together and I have found that so difficult and frustrating to say the least but the thing that drives me is that I will do whatever it takes for my girl, 2 years passed and I found out my ex was doing drugs and i made an emergency application to court and got full custody of my girl but gave it up when i knew her and her sister would get split up. this was a shock to the ex and even though I didnt intend it she got a bit of her own medicine.
That episode shocked the [censored] out of her and she started to play ball more, when my girl started school we changed the times to 1 week friday til school monday and the next sunday til school monday but it turned out the other week it went to sat til monday school, everything was rosey until a couple of months ago as the ex was asking for money all the time and not paying it back this is on top of the huge amount of maintenance I pay and i shut my wallet on her which she didnt like, As always when she doesnt like something she uses my girl as a weapon and started to stop her coming to mine by putting her in endless dance classes ect when the poor kid does 4 different activities each week day anyway, then I realised the ex has started trying to warp my girls head against me now she is older which is absolutely disgusting in my book.
when I picked my girl up she was so tired from dancing her head was all over the place and her routine of seeing me had been wrecked the poor kid didnt know if she was coming or going, I've basically had 3 months of [censored] and I went back to missing my girl like crazy like when I went through court.
Two weeks ago I sent her an email outlining that I am fully prepared to go back to court and I would like the maintence be calculated by the CMS as im paying way over what I should do and I think its done the trickas for the past few weeks everythings gone back to normal.
a few pearls of wisdom........It's sad to say that my daughter is only used as a weapon against me, the fight for my girl will never end, my ex will never change, its a constant battle, court is the easy part, you need patience of a saint, [censored] of steel, you need to learn compromise, pick your battles, never bad mouth the mum to your kid, dont trust the moms freinds family or anyone through court, give up any vices, smoking weed, drinking, coke ect
constantly keep fighting and never ever give up.
Court and fighting will be the hardest thing you will ever do in life but you can lead the rest of your life knowing you have done all you can for your flesh and blood, the ex will regret it all for the rest of her life and mine is for sure, utilize this site and take the advice given then post about your experience to help other dads out.
I help friends through court to see their kids and everyone I have helped so far have had brilliant results and I honestly think the tide is turning for us dads trust me there is hope.
I'll stop rambling now and If your struggling with things dont hesitate to post on here or send me a private message I will do all I can to help.
Good on you all for standing and fighting I have the upper most respect for you.
Take care
Slim π
Hey Slim
Long time no speak. Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear it's been tricky again lately and glad you know how to handle it and aren't surprised by having to be on the ball with it all constantly.
It's great to hear that you're supporting friends through court. I think it's important for forum users to know that the majority of cases do get resolved quite easily, and for the main part, the court system does actually work. The scariest posts we read about, really are the extreme end of the spectrum.
hi mr slim,
thanks for your update and advice. I am impressed that you got to see kids every weekend. did your ex not fight this??
Absolutely bang on Yoda, Armed with the right advice and guidance anything is possible, It's how you conduct yourself throughout that is key and play the long game, That does get to me I ain't going to lie the constant pressure just to be there for my daughter is unreal and I do struggle at times, I have to bite my lip and call her every name under the sun when she's not there, I think we did get too pally pally, I realised that a few month back and we are at least back to a business like co parenting, she has stopped any time with her weekdays which has done my nut as i did always see her on a wednesday, I balled my eyes out on my girls birthday its weird this year i looked at her and thought my god thats what Im fighting for and have done for x years since she was born, I felt so proud of myself, It spurs me on knowing that the ex will never feel that, I have no regrets and never used my daughter as a weapon she does and did.
Hey Bill, She was saying in a contact centre until my girl was 16 right up until the first hearing it sounds a farce now, the judges do try and mediate in the final hearing and they looked at her gone out when she suggested that, It took a good year to get to every weekend until she started school, when she started school It kept going to every fri till mon one week then sun til mon the next but in reality it ended up sat lunch til mon the other week.
Would you believe the sisters dad attended court with my ex to block my application when he nevered bothered with the poor kid, they then said I was going to hurt her and shes never been the same with me again.
Dont get me wrong all this makes up for the relationship I have with my girl its truly amazing and special, the time I have with her is quality time without some miserable cow mum breathing down my neck.
all the best
Slim π
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We donβt like to set βrulesβ, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.