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Hi guys,
Hope you are all well?
So, the C79 enforcement hearing went ok. The judge told me that no matter what I said he was reinstating the order so that contact could resume. He was not prepared to listen to my reasoning but did speak to the ex and told her that he wished for her to take an undertaking and that if she breached it she would face imprisonment.
So the boyfriend is still not allowed on the scene, the 4 days that were missed from her breaching the order have been reinstated to 8 and little one doesn't come back until next week 🙁 My son was so upset. The judge indicated that in order for a proper assessment to be done on her caring for him this needs to take place. So I went with it because if I hadn't he would have ordered it anyway. The judge also ordered an addendum or whatever it is called. Does anyone have any info on this?
So, my son goes to his mums, but because her boyfriend now lives with her (as suspected) she has taken him to her friends house where he will sleep in the same bed as her for the coming week (he phoned me and told me). He wants to come home, doesn't want to be there any longer than as he said "2 sleeps" I can honestly say this is torturous! Knowing that he doesn't want to be there but forcing him to do it.
The SW will visit my son with her while they are at her friends house. The problem is when talking with my son he has said that he is too scared to say anything because his mum will be there and he doesn't want to upset her. I have told him that perhaps he could ask the SW if she can leave the room and if he didn't want to speak then ask if he could write his feelings down. He is not so keen on any of it. Basically he doesn't trust the SW.
So, I need some encouragement. 7 months down the line and here is a recap
She has breached the order no less than 9 times
Son has never once spent time alone with his mum, there is always someone there
Ex has severe emotional unstable personality disorder
Ex taken 4 different sedatives at night to sleep and function
Ex has tried suicide 4 times
Ex has proved herself to be a pathological liar (I just need the judge to realise this)
Son never sleeps in his bed, always somewhere else in the house
Son has been told to lie
Son has been exposed to adult conflict
Son has been exposed to adult conversation
Son regularly hears mum slagging myself & wife off
Son has spent less than 30 days with her in total in the last 7 months.
Ex assualted my wife and received a conviction for it.
The friend she and my son are staying with received a conviction only in January for assaulting a police officer.
Son has been severely damaged. SW has offered no help, advice or support. Only helped ex in trying to get him back.
SW is suggesting shared care. I want full. Mother is happy with shared. Shared will not work with my son, family or me. SW is very biased. Has visited me twice, said that there we're no findings and mother was fine. School have raised an early help assessment and have uncovered all sorts from son (this has not been mentioned yet, its my ace card to the SW in court) School back me 100%, have told me that the first meeting with my son was very pressured but the last was ok because teacher was present. Son didn't open up at all but is happy to talk to me and the school about concerns. How do I go about making the judge see that he is so manipulated he literally says what his mother wants him to say? This is breaking my heart! Why would the SW suggest 50/50 shared care if there were no concerns with mother? This is not a case of increased contact on my part, this is me removing my son from an unsafe environment in to a safe one.
Seriously what are the chances of son staying with me?
I need help on the contested hearing. I am a self litigant and so far position statements have been perfect. I am to cross examine ex and SW. Is there anything I should avoid? What kind of questioning do I use? I am bricking it, seriously.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life but for the protection of my children I would do it again in a shot.
I would love some help on the above, words of encouragement and support. I don't want to be told yeah man you have a great chance. I want the truth. Do I have a good chance of keeping him.
An addendum is an update to an existing report to bring it up to date.
I feel so sorry for your little boy.... I do think the judge is wrong to have taken this stance and increased contact. I also think that the sleeping arrangements at her friends are inappropriate, was the judge aware of the sleeping arrangements when he increased the length of contact?
Can you request that the SW reviews the sleeping arrangements when he visits your son?
Is the SW aware of the recent violent conviction of her friend where your son is staying? If not,make them aware.
If you have evidence from the school that you wish to use in court, you must file it, otherwise it could be ruled inadmissible. If you have been told not to file any further documents to the court, you should ask for permission to file this evidence as you wish to refer to it at the contested hearing.
I'm not terribly experienced with cross examination techniques, but you might like to speak to Yoda who has experience and could guide you, hopefully.
I still feel that you have a good chance of keeping him, that's not me humouring you...but you can't predict outcomes. The fact that's he has been with you for a good period of time and is settled at school where you live are good reasons. Shared care wouldn't work because of the distance he would need to travel to school when he is with her, and the fact that his attendance when he was with her was poor. These are all sound reasons, that you need to push.
Thanks Mojo, no one was aware of the sleeping arrangements. It was assumed that she would go back to her house with son. However it transpires that her ex has stayed in the house and she has relocated for this week. I only became aware when my son phoned me. I have spoken to the SW after concerns of coercive behaviour from the friend and mother. The SW was going to visit them together but has now decided that he is going to visit son alone at school again.
I am using the EHA as supporting evidence on my final position statement. This will be attached along with other paperwork to refer to. I did this with the first position statement. The final hearing is in a week so not even enough time to request anything gets allowed in to the bundle hence why I am doing it this way.
Thanks for your words of wisdom. I feel positive but that's haunted by the fact that this really can go either way. I don't want to let me son down and that's how I will feel if it goes to shared care. The life he has had the last 7 months has been happy, carefree to a point. He has been able to be a child. Being faced with going back frightens him. I am just literally hoping for the best here.
You must make the point that by leaving her partner in the family home she is prioritising his needs above those of your son. I'm sure the judge wouldn't intend for this to have happened!
Can you ask the SW to physically review the sleeping arrangements? If SW is recommending shared care how will that work if your son is carted around to other people's homes every other week, so that the boyfriend can remain at home? These are all points you can make in your statement.
This is such an emotional rollercoaster... an extremely nerve wracking time for you all. You haven't let your son down, if it goes to shared care, it's the system that has let him down. If that happens, I have no doubt she will mess up again and you will be there as his safety net, chipping away at it until you get to where he needs to be. You know how to contact me if you need anything.
All the best
Hi
When it comes to cross examining - the best place to start is to sit down with any Cafcass reports and the mothers statements.
For each point that you disagree with or want to challenge - write a question or a few.
For example - with relation to shared care - question to SW.
You have recommended 50/50 shared care, haven't you?
Are these still your views?
I live in xxxx don't I?
Mum lives in xxxx doesn't she?
Which is a distance of xxxx isn't it?
It would take ??? hours / minutes for mum to get our son to school wouldn't it?
And so on....basically you are just pointing out what will and won't work and the same for mum - if she's lied, ask questions to bring that out, or to illustrate why your son isn't a priority for example.
Best of luck to you.
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