Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Feeling deflated
Not sure how to feel after speaking with the Psychologist.
“i’m not bothered about the truth….truth is merely someone’s perception of events” was one thing that was said by the Psyc.
To clarify the Psyc said “look at it as in a court of law….. speaking to the judge in your defence….your honour you can’t find me guilty because i only stabbed him the once”
[censored]?? how do i argue against that?
I work on facts and truth….all proven in court that the ex is a deceitful liar and yet the Psyc comes out with that statement to me!
So, it’s not my ex’s fault for poisoning my child against me….it’s my fault for trying to get my child to want to stay over at mine by saying things like…. “if you stay tonight then we can go to the zoo tomorrow” emotional bribery!
Yet she’s allowed to say to our child since 2yrs old! “you don’t have to go with Daddy if YOU don’t want to…Daddy will understand…WONT YOU Daddy!”
And that’s just dismissed as my “perception” of the truth!
[censored]
However, there was a “tiny glimmer of hope” the Psyc said…. If i write a letter to (child) to say how i care and that i’m sorry for trying to emotionally bribe them to stay! And the glimmer is because (Child) said that they didn’t think i really cared about them!
So….8yrs of putting up with the ex’s sh*te….never slagging her off to (child) no matter what stunt she pulled or when she stopped contact or anything else….
Every time i had contact i made it about (child) about our time together, doing things together, going places, making things, painting, playing, everything focussed on (child)’s needs and wants rather than my own plans for us.
All that i have to apologise to (child) for???
Have i woken up in an alternative universe where you do the opposite of what should be?
Lost, very confused…..and now seriously p*ssed off.
I can only sympathise.
I do however see the psychologists point - whether it's valid or not is another matter. He/she seems to be saying that the blame game does more harm than good.
Difficult mate - really difficult.
My thoughts were simply me trying to encourage (child) to want to do something that his mother didn’t want i.e. spend more time with me, which was explained as me actually trying to bribe the child or begging (child) and forcing (child) in to an adult situation.
I do get it a little…i do, but what the Psyc said was it’s not about what she was doing or saying to (child), it was what i did to try and un-do it that is what the issue is for (child).
So what that tells me is that it is OK for the ex to manipulate and alienate by way of telling (child) to choose if they want to see me or not…emphasising it to a small child in such a way that they interpret it as that their mother doesn’t want them to go with me…..and that’s OK because it’s my action of trying to un-pick that cycle that is the problem.
Basically that says i should have let her do it and say nothing and not see my child…..walk away leaving (child) at her mercy and with no way to see me without her permission.
I feel numb that, that can be allowed to happen and i have to accept it and walk away from my child!
I'm not often lost for words, but as has happened before with your case, I find myself dumbstruck by the attitude of the psychologist.
Im sure that we all use incentives to encourage our children, its normal!
It's not over yet and I'm sure you can challenge the perception of the report... but reiterate that you understand the theme but are disappointed that the actions of both parents can't be seen in the same way.
Chin up mate.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.