[Solved] Unsupervised contact

No offence justdad, but superproud dad's numbers look nicer :p

I'm not so sure my ex has "offered" as much as been told by children's services that she must or it will not look good on her in court as this is what the judge advised. She won't admit this in her text though, obviously. I'm reading between the lines. I don't think she's doing it out of the kindness of her heart, given the history of our case.

Would it be unreasonable for me to ask things to start at 6 or 8 hours a week, given that they've not had a dad outside of the contact centre for nearly two years? Or is that pushing too hard? I doubt that many children have been kept from their dads for so long - surely it's got to be in their interests if that's what they want too?

The judge has specified that a final hearing will take place in February - I'm still confused how I get more contact after that? Or will he actually decide in the final hearing that contact will progress each month at an increasing rate.

You have been in contact centers for 2 years ? That's just criminal, I'm really sorry to read that. Do you have any reports from those visits ? Those tend to be helpful.

I can't tell you what is or isn't reasonable for your case, but what I'm pretty sure of is that if you focus on why the children should be with you, rather than how much time they should be with you, you are likely to get better results.

For instance, in mine, I explained that I wanted that time to go to baby groups and other toddler activities, and that I need to establish a strong bond with him now so that when he is older I can build his confidence with things like teaching him how to ride a bike, telling him bedtime stories, helping him with his homework, supporting and encouraging him. You wrote before about how you used to teach your daughter math and how good that was for her school results, and no doubt, her self-esteem. That's the kind of thing you need to emphasize.

You probably share my incredulity at the fact that we live in a society that discriminates separated fathers to the point where we have to be abused in courtrooms while deranged mothers go on and on about how dangerous we are because we want to help our kids with their homework, but this is not about changing the system, this is about YOUR kids, so you swallow your pride and do what you've got to do.

How do you get more contact after February ? I think your best option might be to try and define now what the final ideal outcome would look like, then propose a progressive increasing schedule over say 4 months. You need to go into detail about how that will be beneficial for the kids, how it will impact with school, and for bonus points, talk about how important their relationship with their mother is and how your schedule allows her time for that (but only say it if you mean it).

I would suggest that you provide the court with a Position Statement at the next hearing - let them know how the contact has gone and suggest a reasonable schedule of progression. The court like the parents to try and decide a way forward and a schedule will help them to know what your expectations are.