[Solved] Unexpected situations

Hello,
While it sounds like the mother is throwing her weight around (she is telling, not asking you), are you able to look after your kids while she's away (how long is she planning to be away, and how much notice is she giving you)? I ask because I'm sure there are many dads on this site that would jump at an opportunity for a good, continuous stretch of time with their kids. I myself remember getting advice years ago to bite my tongue when it was clear the mother was offering 'extra time' as a form of 'free childcare', and when possible kowtowing to this (knowing full well that it made it harder for the mother to subsequently claim my son wasn't ready to spend a similar length of time with me when I asked for this).

If the mother has made this demand in writing, so much the better, as this is evidential. If she won't pick the kids up from school, and you likewise refuse to do so, then you are no better than her, as you can imagine the distress it will cause to your daughters.

You have stated that you have an informal set of arrangements for your kids, but it seems that it may now make sense for this to be formalised (by a Court Order), so that the time your children spend with each of their parents can be defined, and not left to the whims of one parent. The first step in any case would be mediation to try to resolve this particular issue of the mother's holiday plans, at the very least.

Good luck.

yep. i agree with toks. if its a stalemate, then your 2 daughters will be sitting at school at closing time, with the teachers wondering where the [censored] the parents are. and thats the point social services will most likely get called in, and it will go down bad for both parents. in this situation, you have to be the better parent, and pick up the kids and keep them happy 🙂

sounds like your own custody plan is not going well. if it carries on like this, then you should go for mediation, and court as a last resort. atleast with a court order, there will be a proper structured plan in place and you both know where you stand.

...Whilst on the whole, I think Toks is right, the children are the priority in this situation, and most parents would try and look after the kids, even at really short notice.

However, there is a different viewpoint, she is the parent with care and what she is threatening is abandonment.

Most Dads would jump at the chance of extra time with their kids, but sometimes work commitments and the subsequent child care arrangements, might cause great difficulties for them.

It might be helpful to speak to the school about it, they would be effected if the children weren't picked up on time, so it’s likely that they would at least approach the mother about it directly.

The only other option would be to contact Social Services about it, they also might speak to her about it, that’s likely to upset her and your parenting relationship could become strained.

It might be a good idea to try mediation to sort this out, as both the other guys have suggested.

All the best

I understand that the most of the Fathers have problems to see their children and they wish to be in my situation.
I have unlimited access to my daughters because my ex is enjoying life of single woman (holidays, parties). She is working on part time, receiving benefits and living in social accommodation and have plenty of time.
I am working nearly 50h per week and need to pay a lot for rent. To pick up girls from school I need to finish work 2h early
We are not in good relations at all so she is trying to control my life as she want.

So if she want to go somewhere in my free weekend she is making up some stories and then saying its your responsibility as the father to stay with them (which I usually doing) then after when I asked her if she can pick up girls from school because my work. She is saying (f...k o..) this is your time.

So to achieve above she is usually using words ("I am going away. Kids are in school and I cant pick them up")

I stretched my employer patience to the limits so I am currently started worry about my position.

This is the reason why I wanted to stop pick up them from school and pick up them from her 1h after school.

Also this is the reason why I asked if this sentence is true "In law, a Non Resident Parnet can not be forced to have contact outside of times they want."

... but at the moment you don’t have a legally binding agreement by court order. That’s why it was suggested that this might be something to consider. At least with a court order you can ask for your work commitments to be respected and for contact to happen at a more suitable time.

You can't be forced to look after your children, so I would suggest that you speak to the school and see what they can do to help with this.

if your ex carries on being a pain like this, then you should aim for a court order. frankly you should tell her you can go to court over this and there will be a solid arrangement in place, and it could be something she will not like at all 😉

for me, i can reach my kids school in 30 minutes or less if theres no train problems. i finish work at 4pm. so leaving at 3pm is not a big deal for my boss. a 2 hour journey to pick up the kids sounds awful.

I spoken to the school and NSPCC helpline but both sent me for legal advice.
I scheduled initial meeting with mediator already so I will start a formal process asap.
However I still need a help where to report her behaviour before court or mediation have place or even after

If you want to pursue some kind of formal complaint you would speak to Social Services.

You could make an urgent application to court for a Specific Issue Order, at the same time as a Child Arrangements Order, stating that the urgency is because your ex is threatening to abandon your children and you need an interim order to prevent that, whilst the application for child arrangements is progressing.