[Solved] trying to see children more

Hi There,
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I have removed your daughters name from your post, it's best to keep exact details off the posts so that if anyone involved stumbles accross the forum it doesn't cause issues.
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If the current set up is something that you have arranged through yourself and there was no court involment, then you would firstly need to attend mediation as this is now mandatory before applying to court, if your ex won't attend or you can't reach an agreement then the mediator will sign the forms for you to be able to apply to the courts for assistance in making a child arrangement order, the courts will be looking to help the two of you agree on when you see your daughter and then would write that agreement into a legally binding order, however if you are unable to agree still the judge is able to make a ruling based on the information gathered during the hearings and make an order,
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From what you have said although there is no set amount of time that court orders cover, having every other weekend and a mid week visit (possibly over night) is very lickely as this seems to be what most judges look at as an even split, you could also hope to get half school holidays (if you are able) and alternate Christmas, Birthdays ect.
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We can help you through the court process and you don't need a solicitor as long as your case is a straight forward one with no safe gaurding issues, and again we can help you with advice through out so just ask.
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GTTS

Hi there

When you say a mutual agreement, do you mean that the arrangement is informal, or was it agreed via court order... and was that as part of a divorce settlement, or a contact order from the family court?

As you mention that you gave her residency I'm assuming that you have a court order for contact, in which case you would need to apply for a variation of the existing order. Since law reforms in 2014 it is now a requirement that mediation is attempted before an application can be made. Here's a link to the mediation service

www.nfm.org.uk

As GTTS has said, if mediation fails, the mediator will sign off the form to enable you to make a court application...either for a variation, or if no order exists, for a child arrangements order for contact.

At 10 your eldest daughter is likely to be asked for her wishes and feelings and if she can vocalise that she wants more time with you, or a 50/50 share between both parents it may be considered... it's likely that even if the court don't agree to 50/50 they should agree to increasing your time together.

All,the best

Hi thanks for reply's.

It happened in 2011 cafcass was involved then because going through mediation etc ended up in court because she was stopping me seeing girls with stupid excuses. ie i moved from my brothers house to a new permanent house. on the week of the move i was planning on giving the ex the new address when i picked them up ( i had already told her i was moving but not given her address) some one had told her i had moved and when i went to get girls i was told i couldnt see them because she wasnt given address in advance even tho i gave her it on a piece of paper just after she opened door.the girls wasnt even there they were taken to one of her friends house !
i wont go in it to all but there has been other things that have happened where ive been stopped contact.even the eldest was getting upset because she couldn't see me.
The agreement at court was every other weekend,holidays birthdays(never had them on their birthday) etc was to be sorted out between our selves.The chap who was helping me from cafcass at the court agreed with me that giving her residency would help my case and thats what she wanted.The court recommended every other weekend till i was settled in new home and then come to agreement on more contact. It took 4 yrs to get her to agree on me picking them up on a fri from school/nursery.
Iam the one getting the blame for the eldest one having problems at school.The ex has put her through counselling ( the ex is manger of a mental heath unit and said at one point the eldest needs to be sectioned i found this out in court!) etc because she gets upset a lot,both her schools she been involved and councillor have said she just wants more time with her dad.( the schools have been good and keep me up to date with things. Every time i drop them off its heart breaking because 99% of the time there is tears because they dont want to go.The eldest has said and still says she wants week on week off,but she knows her mum will say no and is scared to ask. ive said to the ex that we should both talk to the eldest at the same time to see what she wants and all i get is a no ill talk to her later. When i ask about it she always says 'its not what she wants'.
When it comes down to the girls well fair i dont seem to be involved ie health,picking schools etc the ex has also told the eldest that she cant see me because i dont pay enough! its worked out through csa so i pay what iam suppose to. she has also told her the ive had new children with current partner to replace them.
Should i apply for residency before mediation/court because the eldest is been used to try and hurt me etc but all she is doing is hurting the eldest child.i know the children don't like to take sides.
sorry if its seems ive gone on i just seem lost and helpless in what to do.

Hi There,
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You would need to apply for mediation before anything else, once that has been tried then you could apply to the courts for help with a varying the current order and having some extra bits added to cover any issues you are having.
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You could apply for residency but I don't think it would be awarded, I know where you are coming from with your eldest being used but I don't think this would swing enough weight to have the judge award you residency, Even though at 10 your eldest wishes will be taken into account, I'm not sure whether that would include where she lives, I may be wrong on that though as my experience is as good as some of the others so hopefully they will confirm later.
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As your last court hearing was in 2011 then you wouldn't have any issues in applying to court now for variation to the order that was written back then, other than having to attempt mediation first as this is the new rule.
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GTTS

You wrote......

Iam the one getting the blame for the eldest one having problems at school.The ex has put her through counselling ( the ex is manger of a mental heath unit and said at one point the eldest needs to be sectioned i found this out in court!) etc because she gets upset a lot,both her schools she been involved and councillor have said she just wants more time with her dad.( the schools have been good and keep me up to date with things. Every time i drop them off its heart breaking because 99% of the time there is tears because they dont want to go.The eldest has said and still says she wants week on week off,but she knows her mum will say no and is scared to ask. ive said to the ex that we should both talk to the eldest at the same time to see what she wants and all i get is a no ill talk to her later. When i ask about it she always says 'its not what she wants'.

Were the court aware of your daughters problems back in 2011, with regard to her just wanting to spend more time with you? If the counsellors/schools reports on the reasons for your daughters behaviour were made after the court case, do you have this information n writing?

I feel that you should go for a variation asking for a shared care arrangement and cite you eldest daughters wishes and feelings and the problems that not seeing you as much as she wants is causing her.

You will need to attend mediation as it is a requirement before an application can be made... you could try talking to the mediator and asking for them to sign off the form as you don't feel mediation is appropriate and that she has consistently refused to agree any extra contact as directed by the court in 2011.

When you fill out the C100 form for the court application, I would also advise that you fill out form C1a too, this wil, allow you to tell the court about the risks to your children, this covers not just physical abuse but emotional and physiological issues too.

Best of luck

Thank you for help. My daughter said last visit she wants to livecwith me but scared of telling her mum,she said she get told off.
I will contact school to get evidence etc
So to start process do i contact mediation and go from there ?

Yes, mediation is the first step.

Are your children 10 and 5 now, or was that their ages when you agreed the contact arrangement? If that is their ages currently, whilst the court would listen to their wishes, it won't be the only determination in deciding to increase the amount of time they spend with you. However if there is evidence that your children are suffering psychological harm because they are denied contact with you, I would hope that would be taken seriously.

As far as one daughter living with you, that would mean separating them and I must tell you that courts don't usually see splitting siblings up as being in their best interests.