[Solved] To communicate or not to communicate???

...I would say not, you really don't want her to pull the harassment card and her behaviour seems pretty hostile.

have you tried the second phone, so that she can text you on that one and you keep one for everyone else that you use normally?

I'm in a different position to you, but I was getting so pissed off with my ex's calls/texts (my wife could tell immediately if I got a call from my ex as she said the colour immediately drained from my face) that I blocked her number (originally, my phone would automatically answer and then immediately hang up, so she couldn't even leave a voicemail - but google changed android to stop that, so I simply blocked her number so it went to voicemail) and I also set up an auto-respond so that if she sent me a text or tried to call, my phone immediately responded with "this phone no longer accepts calls or texts from....." - that worked almost immediately.

All further communication was then only via the contact centre using email, and only concerned contact.

All worked for me.

I'd like to try and build bridges and start talking again as that spips course got me thinking we have to for the sake of the Girls but my ex point blank will not budge an inch.

She just seems to dig her heels in more and more, I don't think she likes the fact that I have changed my number and I have never retaliated to her abuse, I just think life is to short for arguments and I can't function with her constantly saying for me to kill myself I just wish there was a way of getting her to give a little.

I would say at the moment it’s seems it might be a more trouble than it’s worth, i understand that it’s difficult not having any direct as it’s difficult to not have that link for your girls

As the case progresses your ex might calm a little maybe if she gets the help she needs for her alcohol consumption who know’s but for now i think it will lead to her trying to gain control again of the situation which at present is not complete in her hands hence her refusal to co-operate

I had no direct contact wit my ex for 2 years just letters she would put in the children’s school bags or messages she past on to my parents .... never productive i tried direct contact at her request and it’s just gone down hill from them even her attempting to hit my wife, i really wanted the children to see us having a amicable relationship but unfortunately she didn’t’ want that just a way for her to abuse me and hurt the children having direct contact has done more damage than good in my situation,

However the judge would be interested in you asking how you can move forward in communicating for the sake of the children this will show insight it’s up to her she response but will not harm to mention it

I honestly can't see her coming round until she has got help with her drinking, it's just a shame we were absolute best of friends for 4 years and she just turned the day she told me she was pregnant although the relationship only lasted for about 8 months when it dawned on me the extent of her drinking, I know it takes two to tango but I'm sure she got pregnant to get me back for finishing her.

I think you're right she will have gained control again if I start talking, when she finally let me see my daughter 5 weeks after she was born I had to crawl and beg first I felt such a [censored] I wasn't sure what I was apologising for but I only done it to see my Girl she then let me see my Girls I stayed there for 4 weeks over xmas but it was a living nightmare I couldn't say anything or she would just kick me out and when I did she did and I've not seen the Girls since, although it's an absolute living [censored] at the moment I'm glad I don't have to live like that anymore.

Hey mate I agree its best to just sit back and don't do anything to upset the apple cart so to speak,i know from reading your posts that you have/are going through [censored] but you will get there in the end,you have done a great job so far so keep it going.

Just makes me wonder what we have to do to find someone and ne happy in life..............I just seem to attract the nutters haha

I would say no, I was speaking on the phone to my ex fo4 the 6 months before Xmas, it really messed me up emotionally And ended up with her assaulting me. That then added months onto my court proceedings. I changed my number and blocked her on social media and now I feel more stable. Hearing things about my child was harder than not knowing.

Thanks so much for the replies gents they are very much appreciated and I think the general consensus is don't bother which is the way I thing I'm going to go, I get regular updates and photo's of the girls from my ex's sister so at least I'm kept up to date I think I've got to accept that things will never go back to the way things were and move on.

I would still suggest the second phone - that way you have control of when you speak to her, so you can be prepared and in a better frame of mind.

Have you been to any Al-Anon meetings? they are for people affected by alcoholics. It can be something of an awakening to hear other people's experiences of what you are going though.