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Hi All
Would really appreciate thoughts on this...
Quick background - I have 2 children now 9 & 7 years. Child arrangements order put in 3 years ago. I see my children every other week, collecting from school on a Thursday and returning to school on a Monday morning.
Since leaving this relationship, i met my wife of 4 years and my ex moved in with her then boyfriend (now husband) and his 2 children. My ex moved around 15 miles away from her old house and has been living there for just over 2 years.
My children have remained at the same school throughout this time. Their school is around 15 mins from my house and around 30-40 mins (traffic dependant) from their mothers house. This has never been a concern or raised as an issue.
In August this year my wife and i had a baby. 8 weeks later my ex had a baby (make of that what you will!!) So there are now 5 children living in a 3/4 bedroom house. Out of the blue i received an email from my ex stating that she was planning on moving the children's school to a school local to her. She gave the reasons that the children were finding their commute to school too long and said she wanted the move to happen urgently in January.
I replied stating that i did not agree to this. largely because my children are very happy at their school and do very well. But likewise, i would no longer be able to drop off or collect my children from school as it would be between 45-1 hour drive in the opposite direction to mine and my wifes work. I likewise reiterated that if they were finding the journey too long then i am very happy to have the children more in order to ease their commute, - needless to say this was met with 'the children don't want to spend more time with you'! I also asked why this was only an issue now, after the children had been doing this commute for 2 years?
I then saw my children the following week. They discussed it with me and said they didn't want to move schools. my 9 year old in particular was very tearful about it. They both then went on to say that the reason they were going to have to move schools is because their mother can't cope with the new baby and taking them to school. NEITHER of them said anything about their journey time.
Their mother has now put in a request to mediate which i think will be subsequently followed by court.
I think it is clear that this has NOTHING to do with the children, This is down to her not coping with her own situation.
IF this were to go to court - what are peoples thoughts on how it could play out?
Thanks
Hi
No legal experience, just my own as a lip going through something similar.
I think you'd need to argue strongly maintaining the status quo is in the best interests of the children and that you are prepared to have them more if required.
If the children are fine with the commute and the school then there would be a slim chance of the court making changes imo
In my experience courts are reluctant to make changes and will maintain the status quo as much as possible.
Hopefully you can come up with some compromise during mediation - you may need to give a little, but if the children reside with her, then she is obbliged to take your opinion in such decisions, but doesn't have to abide by them - if she can persuade a court that there is a reasonably decision for the move, then the court may well approve it.
Moving a child to another school in the middle of the school year (January) sounds like a terrible idea though.
Having said that, you may also consider showing her some understanding for her situation. She has given birth 3 times after all which is something she deserves respect for, and I can see how this situation might be genuinely difficult for her at this point. Is there something you can do that makes her life easier while keeping the kids in the same school ?
I have offered to have children more but she is just nasty and says the children don't want to spend more time with me. I appreciate having just had a baby myself that it is hard work but i think the hard thing is she's nit being honest about this .... she's putting it on the children saying they find the commute too long when this is clearly not an issue for them. Likewise, to be blunt... when you decide to have another child you should think about how you are going to maintain your current children's lives.
What can I say, you are right. What do you think is the real reason why she doesn’t want the children to spend more time with you ? Is it possible she may warm up to the idea over time ? If so, being nice to her will help her make that leap.
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