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Been viewing this forum for quite some time, and just wanted to say thanks. I use it for not only great advice, but as a kind of comfort thing when things are bad and I need to pick myself up.
Being denied access to your child/children through no fault of your own, and being made to look like an absolute monster in court via false allegations and lies is stressful to say the least, so having a resource you can turn too with like minded people in exactly the same boat as you is a massive positive.
My relationship broke down, soon after my son was born. Contact for the next 1.5 years was regular but inconsistent. Last minute cancellations etc etc.
We went to mediation at the start of 2013, to which she backed out after hearing things she basically didn't want to hear. She likes to be in control.
In April 2013, she stopped contact, due to welfare concerns!! I was then bombarded with 10 - 15 texts a day, stating that if I didn't get back into a relationship with her, I would never be seeing my son again.
I applied to the courts in August this year and in her response to my application she made up allegations of DV, child neglect and a drug problem. (I got caught in possession of cannabis a couple of times, when I was in my late teens. I'm now mid 30's.)
During the first meeting with Cafcass, it was decided that interim contact be granted . A couple of sessions with her supervising (due to her concerns that our son would be strange with me) And then a number of contacts just me and him, until the next court date.
The first 2 sessions went well (no real drama) The first contact on my own was cancelled due to him being ill and the fourth went really well, despite her obstructing the hand over, by clinging onto him and saying he doesn't want to go.
I'm just starting to feel positive about building up a relationship with my son again and then BAM!.....I was met by a text an hour before the fifth session, to say that my son doesn't want to see me anymore (he is almost 5) and that the next 4 contact sessions would not be going ahead.
Her solicitor has written to the court, with a distressing story that the contact is making our son ill, and that as soon as she got him home from the last time I had him, the first thing he said was "I don't want to see daddy anymore."
Back in court in a week and a half, to which a welfare report will be requested, and a chance that I'm going to have to miss out on another 4 - 5 months of my sons life, if iterim contact is refused!
Will let you know what happens!
Hi PP9, don't get stressed about this, I know easy to say not so easy to do, you will read case after case on the forum of situations like yours, Parental Alienation is all to common with with exs, your not going to loose contact, you've shown that you are a good parent and contact sessions you have had have gone well, the court will see that and that your ex and her solicitor are only trying to put obstructions in way of you seeing your child, when you go back to court don't knock the ex stay totally focused on your son in the meantime try to stay positive you are not going to loose contact with your son. 🙂
When there is conflict between separated parents I never think it a good idea for the mother to supervise. Have some alternatives to offer the court, either a named family member or a contact centre.
With a contact centre there are two types of contact, supported and supervised. Supported is more informal and supervised is monitored and a report supplied. Here's a link to a national contact centres website.
www.naccc.org.uk
If you arrive at court prepared to offer alternatives then its more likely that the court will support interim contact.
As Greyling says, try not to get too wound up with her unreasonableness, rise above it and remain child focused.
Good luck and welcome aboard!
Cheers Grayling.
Yeh, hopefully not.
Although we will see what the response is when the question of why doesn't the child want to see his father is asked.
It does say in the solicitors letter, that the reason is unbeknown to the mother, but who knows what will be said in court. There have already been several occasions when stories have been changed after I've produced evidence.
I know it's a long journey and really we are just getting started. Hopefully if I just play things by the book and just tell the truth, everything will work out.
Thanks Mojo.
I suggested a contact centre for the first two sessions in the Cafcass meeting and they basically refused and said it should take place with the mother.
I made my concerns felt, saying that she could basically say the contact had gone badly, when it had been fine, which is exactly what happened.
Cafcass responded with "Well that wouldn't be in the best interests of the child if she did that"
As she has stopped the contact she is in breach of the interim order. Perhaps you should write to the court pointing out she is in breach of the order and detail how well the the unsupervised session went, apart from the fact that the mother was obstructive at hand over and clinging to him. If you have any photos of him enjoying his contact with you then this would serve as evidence that contact went well. If you do write to the court then make sure you send a copy to her solicitor, this applies with all correspondence.
As you are back in court in a week and a half then asking for urgent new directions isn't really workable , but had that not been the case I would have recommended you do so.
If you do write and have photographic evidence of your son enjoying himself then attach them to the letter.
Yeh, already written to the court outlining what happened. The fact that he was happy and not distressed in any way during the contact, and that I couldn't accept the fact that as soon as she got him home the first thing he said was I don't want to see daddy anymore. I've got a short 30 second video of my son playing happily with me, which I mentioned in the letter and I'll take to court.
I kind of wish I'd got more evidence, like a few more videos, because she is obviously going to say "Well that's only 30 seconds". But we will see.
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