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Hello Everyone,
Firstly i have been reading this forum for a few weeks and the information, support and shared experiences on here have been invaluable. Thanks guys
So a bit about my situation, i was in a very casual relationship with my ex partner we were not very good together so it was definitely a shock when she told me she was pregnant, since then the relationship has deteriorated even further, suddenly in her eyes i have become the most vile person in the world there is accusations of DV which i completely refute (its never gone past arguments), no previous police involvement, controlling behavior, drug addiction (i admit i did smoke some weed during the relationship but have completely stopped now ), she is now threatening me with non molestation order, even though we are not speaking, living together or feel i pose any threat, having no access to my child or restricted at best, not allowing me to be present at any scans birth etc and not being named on the birth certificate. due to all this i am not contacting her
So my major questions are:
1: Am i doing the right thing by not contacting her at all or should i try and appease her? to try and stop the Non mol order being issued
2: I am aware of a parental responsibility order and am willing to go to court can/should this application be made straight from birth? or do i have to prove i will be a good parent first, which could be difficult if she wont allow contact.
3. How can i prove her accusations are unfounded, i am going to get a hair drug in a few months time, i am also attending a dads parenting course, any other ideas?
4. Should i apply for contact straight away i would really like 50/50 but understand that in the early stages a child needs its mother more than it needs its dad, she has a history of depression and i don't want to push her over the edge straight from birth.
Again thanks for all the posts it great and terrifying to see all the stories, also does anyone read Mumsnet there are some twisted reasoning on there!!
Hi there and welcome to the forum
1. Absolutely you are doing the right thing by not contacting her, a non mol can be given at the drop of a hat, so it's better not to put yourself in a position where you can be accused....staying well away is a good way to do this.
2. If you are the father of the child, you don't have to prove you will be a good parent, although the court would do safeguarding checks. If a father is going to the trouble of going through court to get some involvement in their child's life, it usually follows that they want to be a good parent.
If you have been denied access and have to apply to the court, if contact is awarded, it would usually start in a contact centre, to give father and child a chance to develop a relationship first.
3. Both actions are a good idea, to try and preempt any accusations she may make. Generally with a court application involving children, safeguarding checks are made, police are contacted to check if there is any history of violence or other things that might be considered as a risk to the children.
5. As she has made accusations and is threatening a non mol, it's best not to try and contact her to ask her to go to mediation.... you will need to contact a mediator and discuss the issues, they may consider that in light of her hostility, mediation wouldn't be appropriate. If that's the case they will sign off the C100 form to enable you to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order. You can also apply for Parental Responsibility with form C1.
It usually takes about a month or two from the application being submitted to the first hearing, so I would say that you should start the process sooner rather than later.
...my advice about mumsnet....steer clear!
All the best
Thanks for the advice i will try and update on the progress w
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