[Solved] The nightmare continues

Hi Eric and welcome 🙂

First let me send big hugs and congratulations for beating cancer, I am so glad you have got through it successfully! Now lets see if we can give you some advice and support....

Where was your son born, does he have dual nationality, does he have a British passport?

Do you have a solicitor or are you going it alone?

What would happen if you spoke to the Home Office and told them that she had blackmailed you with threats to take your son back to Asia if you didnt help her get a visa, and that you were going to divorce her on the grounds of adultery? This could be an option as long as your son has a British nationality....

Or you could say to your wife that if she doesnt comply with your application for a Residency Order, that you will tell the Home Office about her blackmail tactics with regard to your son and getting your help to get a visa, and divorce her so she has no chance of a visa?

Do these suggestions sound a bit underhand? I suppose they might but needs must sometimes I'm afraid...

As you have already applied for Residency, it might be an idea to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order which would prevent her from taking him out of the country.

Thanks for the reply-I thought nobody was going to answer, Yes the fight against cancer was very difficult and painful so thanks for the hugs.

My son has duel nationality including British. I am not worried about his mother leaving the country with my son because she wants to stay here and I have passports birth certificates at a place she cannot get to.

I think I will just play along as long as she is in agreement to sign the residency Order and consider other options re home office if she gets difficult.

Once I have the residency Order I will start divorce proceedings and inform the home office,

Yes, I have a solicitor.

Any further advice most welcome.

Well done too on beating cancer!

I agree with NJ and I think you should seriously consider a Prohibited Steps Order! Once you have the Residence Order if you don't proceed/agree with her visa application, she could leave the country and take the child with her - a woman scorned and all that jazz. If she doesn't get her visa after your divorce, which quite honestly I would not help her with...you don't know what she could do.

Wow another reply. Yes I will consider a Prohibitive Steps Order just in case. And please believe me I am not just bleating away. This woman has been so bad and cruel it is almost unbelievable. When I finished the treatment at the end of August and was lay on the sofa at home a burnt skeleton unable to eat having to feed myself through a tube in my stomach she gave no support or care and was just abusive. I lost 8 stone in 12 weeks. In April 2012 I was told I had 6 to 12 months to live but have fought like [censored] drinking crushed fruit and vegetable juices and have been exercising for the last 4 months and put a bit of weight and muscle on. The doctors are amazed at my recovery and tell me I am cancer free and things look very promising. The Mrs has been out all day Saturday and Sunday and left me with the kids. I keep records and photos.

Any further advice?
Will I have a Cafcam interview?

Honestly, I would ask your solicitor to put in an application for the Prohibited Steps Order and then it can be dealt with at the same time as the Residence Order....there's nothing to stop her going to her own Embassy and reporting hers and your sons passport as lost and getting replacements....it's what I would do if I didn't have access to them!

I'm sorry I took a little while to respond to you, sometimes it's better to give some thought to the questions asked if there is some complexities involved. 🙂

I am loathe to predict what might happen in court as its got a lot to do with the judge on the day, there can be inconsistencies in the courts judgements ..that said I think you have a fighting chance! What does your solicitor say?

The solicitor states that it depends on the judge but if we are both in agreement then it should be straight forward, however if she fights it will be difficult but I have a good chance because he has now been at his school for over a year I am his primary carer. I also have proof of her infidelity and I feel her behaviour puts my son at risk.

Handed court papers in 9 working days ago and haven't heard anything as yet. How long does it normally take to get a hearing?

...yes I would say CAFCASS will be asked to compile a report for the court. They may contact you before the first hearing to arrange an interview. If that's the case you'll get a letter from them, usually a couple of weeks after the application for Residency has been submitted.
They will also want to interview your wife....I don't know if they will want to speak to the older child, but I do know that courts do not like to split siblings....they do, my son has Residency of his little boy, who's half sister is still with the mother.

It depends on how busy the courts in your area are, I would say anything between 4 -12 weeks. 🙂

NJ is right, she could go to her own Embassy and say she has lost her passport and I don't know whether all the embassies are as good at checking their right to have one,particularly when you want to go back to your own country.

I think you have a great chance with the PSO...especially as her visa is not granted yet.

If she agrees to the Residence Order at the first hearing, you wont have to deal with CAFCASS.

If she fights, As NJ says courts don't like to split siblings, but if the 15 year old is yours there is a lesser chance of them being separated. In view of your wife's behaviour I think you stand a very good chance of getting a Residence Order, and if she is agreeing to it, I doubt very much whether there will be a problem, but it does depend on the day, particularly the CAFCASS report. You also have valid reasons particularly her behaviour.

If you handed the Court papers to your solicitors 9 days ago,it could take them a few days to send it off, depending on how urgently it is being treated, you should get a court date back very shortly, with a hearing date in about a month to 6 weeks.

Thanks for the advice everybody. I will ask for a PSR just to be safe. Yes the 15 year old is my son and has been with me since birth and I have raised him as a single dad from the age of 2!! Good point in my favour as he is doing well at school and well-behaved. He is disgusted with my wife's terrible behaviour.

If the RO is awarded to me can she try to contest it in the future?

...whilst I agree that often CAFCASS don't get involved until ordered by the judge at the first hearing, sometimes if a case appears complex or confrontational they will get involved prior to the first hearing and have a report ready for the court then.

The RO is pretty solid once awarded and would only be rescinded if there was serious risk to the child. 🙂

Thanks for the help again everyone. I will keep you all updated. The children have adapted to the UK well and are quite happy but of course seeing my wife acting in such a bad way is disturbing but I keep them amused and happy. My 15 year old son and his 4 year old step-brother are close-so hopefully the court won't split them up. If the home office refused my wife a visa in some way it would be a relief for the kids although it would take the 4 year old a bit of time to get over it.

Half brothers and sisters are as important as full siblings in the eyes of the family court 🙂

Half sisters and half sisters are equally important, you are their link! LOL!! And yes the Residence Order is pretty set once granted, unless there are reasons i.e. you are not fit to look after the children.

Theres no doubt the children will be effected by all of this, not least by your fight with cancer too, but children are very resilient Eric, and you sound like a very caring and supportive father! 🙂

Court date in 2 months time so I will have to just bite my lip and put up with her dreadful behaviour. At the same time I will keep records of her actions as well as photos and details of my days out with my son, swimming lessons, school events etc. I have to just try and not lose my temper which is so difficult when you are being shat on. I am not an aggressive man and very mild mannered but do understand that some people just get so much pleasure from causing so much pain to another that eventually they snap. I don't want to snap. I do not have a criminal record and have a good work record so hopefully these will go in my favour.

Thanks for all the advice and any further help is most welcome in this very difficult time.

Well at least you have a date now and something specific to aim for! If you feel like you are losing your temper or are about to snap just come here and off load...a good rant amongst friends is far preferable than giving her any ammunition! 😉

half sisters and half sisters? eeehh...what a nut I am ! LOL!!
I did mean half brothers and half sisters!!! ROFL!

No defo do not snap! 2 months...hmmm....guess its a busy court. If you become suspicious you might have to see if you can get it brought forward...

...as I said, it can be anything up to 12 weeks, it's a combination of the reforms and cuts to court staff....and it will only get worse as LIPs start to slow down the system because of their lack of procedural knowledge...[censored] the cuts, dam the reforms , and [censored] the Tories for implementing this travesty of justice! 😡

Sadly I hadn't thought about the LIPs slowing the system down... :boohoo: we always said that LIPs would slow the courts but that if they did , how are solicitors going to cope when they are there on legal aid, not envisaging that they would cut legal aid the way they have!

Travesty of justice. Great words NJ!! I like your thinking! 🙂

I'm surprised the legal professionals havent taken direct action...they've threatened to!

Sorry for hijacking your thread to talk ethics Eric! 😮

Cheers thanks again for the help. The difficult part is that she lives in the same house, and is angry all the time and only speaks to say she is going out to see another guy. I just put up with it and focus on my kids but it is driving me crazy and I hate letting her get away with it but have to take it for a short while longer then hopefully I will be the one smiling. The other problem is that at the moment she is agreeing to grant me the RO but in 2 months many things could change. Anyway only 55 days to go.

I never realised how cruel people could be but I really believe what you sow you will reap and I will let karma pay her back in the future.

Well said Eric...just grit your teeth and think about the bigger picture and your future with your kids! 😉

Thanks NannyJane after another restless night took the kids to school and have sent some emails to friends re work prospects and business ideas. At least something positive. Only 55 days to go. It is driving me mad living in the same house but I must ignore all her dancing and singing and taunts re her new man and just focus on the future. It is [censored] difficult but rather than snapping I will write a message on here everyday. Spoke to the solicitor and he states that cannot guarantee the outcome but I have a good chance. Took my son to feed the ducks yesterday and will take him for his swimming lesson today.

What a witch! 😡

I would be so tempted to get on to the Home Office and tell them that she's in the country against your wishes and shouldn't be given a visa! I wonder what they would do?....your son is safe as he has a British passport....have you asked the solicitor if this would be an easier path to take, as she has blackmailed you and you want to divorce her....

Cheers Nanny-I cannot describe to you how badly she is behaving and am struggling to control myself. The only thing that keeps me sane is the belief that I will win in a couple of months but must admit I will look into the possibility of informing the home office as she doesn't have a visa at present and is waiting for a visa which could take weeks or months but it is linked to being with her husband. Nobody knows how she is behaving-her family and friends don't know-she is playing the good wife helping her husband to recover from cancer but in reality hardly ever speaks is aggressive and screams hurry up and die. Unbelievable!! I take it because I love my son and don't want him taken away to live in a mud village with older relatives who can't speak English. In my heart I want to throw her out and get her away from me ASAP and if I was certain that I could do this without losing my son I would. When this is over I will expose her for what she is. She has taken everything I have ever worked for off me-land and property I will never see again. I will not allow her the satisfaction of taking my son as well. She was a good girl who never drank or smoked from a poor but polite and kind family who know I did everything for her but coming to the UK she has just gone crazy. I have never met her friends and she refuses to say where she is going. I will stay strong and fight for my kid

..Oh my goodness Eric, thats shocking! She sounds like a really nasty piece of work...It would be so much better if you could just have her deported, the issue surrounds what the Home Office would do about your son....I feel that they wouldnt touch him as he has a British passport. The fact that he has a half brother and is settled is all in your favour here too. Good luck with it 🙂

They did NannyJ...they did, one of my bosses frequently attended, and there were marches and protests too!

BTW see I put a link in current affairs about the courts being overworked ...applications increased so much!

Sorry Eric..just had to reply t NJ 🙂

I have advised clients in the past to report the other half to the Home Office, or just not co-operate with them getting a visa. I didn't say that this time because I thought you wanted to keep things as they were until you get the RO.

However, on reading more since, I would be inclined to just tell he HO...there's no reason why you and the children should put up with her behaviour. As she has family that she is showing off too couldn't she go and live with them even?

...I think its an option you have to look into Eric... as I said from the start, if you can find out where your son stands if she is deported it would be the easiest option. I shall keep everything crossed that you get some really positive advice on it from your solicitor. 😉

How have you been today? Forums are great and do allow us to support one another, but I wish I could teleport myself around, then I could do so much more for you all! 😉

Thanks again-Only 54 days to go. I will keep fighting. Quite complex regarding her visa. She was on a visitors visa which ran out in October but an application for an extension costing me £700 was applied for on special grounds because of my illness. We also have immigration solicitors on legal aid ( Mine-she is not entitled because foreign national-however if we split they will continue to assist her against deportation even if I disagree because the legal aid has already been granted)

I still feel that I must try to keep calm and wait for the court case if possible. She cannot go to her family because they live in my house on the other side of the world. I will try as much as I can. Thanks ever so much-This site is a Godsend

Well I think you could write to the Legal Services Commission and tell them that think her Certificate should be revoked, that you have separated/divorced and because of her behaviour you no longer wish to support her application. The LSC do listen when people write giving valid reasons for an opponent's legal aid to be stopped. (i.e. they earn a higher salary than may have been disclosed, or an inheritance that was not disclosed!)...I have had to do it a couple of times during the course of my work ...but that is a decision for the future perhaps.

And bearing in mind the legal aid cuts the LSC should listen!!

...Whatever you decide Eric, we will support you all the way! 🙂 You are a great Dad and you've overcome so much already, you can keep calm and carry on, I know you can! 😉

Thanks ever so much. At the present moment still waiting for the court case but will start to check re home office option if things get unbearable. If she was English the situation would be easier because at least he would be near me not the other side of the world. I will definitely research her visa situation. Thanks for the support. I really need it

Hi Eric 🙂

We also havent mentioned the fact that she would be returning to a third world country and if she was allowed to remove your son and take him back to Asia he would suffer right across the board as far as housing, education and health, and I would imagine this will hold a lot of sway with the judge. Their only interest is the welfare of the child and there can be no denying that his welfare would be at risk if he were removed....I would imagine your solicitor will make much of this once you get to court, I know I would! 😉

Just read this quickly and a couple of points - firstly it was mentioned earlier that your son has a british passport - this gives him an absolute right to remain whatever happens to your ex, so if she gets deported, he still stays. Secondly, you mentioned proof of your ex's infidelity - I wouldn't mention this in court - it's irrelevant to the case and the last thing you want a judge to think is that you are bitter about it and using residence as a way of hitting back.

Thanks Nanny good point re third world country-education, health being away from his Dad, Brother,school friends etc. He has had over a year in the UK and making great Progress at school. Thanks actd because he has a British passport it gives him a right to remain, however can she appeal against this and fight to take him back to Asia if she is deported

Hi Again

Things have taken a turn for the worse. I confronted her about her behaviour and she just went crazy and said do not talk to me. started spitting and kicking and I grabbed her throat and held her down. I did not hit her. She went berserk and started punching and slapping herself. She then took photos and said she's going to show everyone. My God this is just driving me crazy. She then said she will fight like crazy to take my son off me. She said she has got lots of friends to help her. It is like a really bad dream. She can give no reason for her behaviour except she says she hates me yet cannot say why!

Therefore I must know that if I inform the home office regarding her visa application that if I cancel it will she be able to fight me to have the child taken overseas. He has duel nationality.

Please reply urgently.

Really sorry to hear this Eric.....dont even discuss or do anything to agitate her as she is obviously unhinged.

I havent read through all your posts so Im not sure you have been to court but if not it sounds like you should to prevent your son leaving the country. You can do this.

Regards the incident in the home, maybe you need to call the police and report her although it will look bad if she has taken photos.

Can you get her phone and delete them?

I guess Im really just posting to offer support as Im a little flumoxed....

Im sure your post will get picked up soon and someone with more knowledge will offer guidance.

Sit tight....

Dave

Oh Eric! 🙁 ....she is one evil [censored]! Was your older son a witness to this behaviour? It might be an idea to contact he police about it, but there is a chance that could backfire....I think you should go and see your solicitor and make a statement about it to him at least! I would normally advise you to report her to the police for assault, but as she has those photos, it could go against you.

The only thing I can suggest is to speak to your solicitor about what would happen if you contacted the Home Office, in the meantime I'll scout around and see if I can find anything out.

Thanks for the support. I will consider taking out a PSO so she can't take him out of the country. Any more help and support much needed

oh dear what a [censored]!

I think you should take emergency court action before you do anything else. In light of the fact that she has threatened to remove him, you can apply for Residence an prohibited steps order.

The Residence will prevent her from taking him out of the country without permission and with a prohibited steps order, these can be lodged with the travel/passport agencies.

If she is deported I don't think your son will be, but you need immigration advice on that score. However, in light of mothers that have been deported previously leaving the children in the UK....I think that may be right. But I strongly recommend you getting immigration advice from an Immigration solicitor.

Well she has stated that she loves someone else and her new man is rich and will help her take the kid. She has sent the photos to her friends. I have never hurt anyone in all my life. If I was violent I would have reacted months ago-i have managed to stay calm under the most terrible of circumstances. Having to live in the same house as someone who is banging and stamping about refusing to discuss the problem or look at me except for screaming hurry up and die.If she were English or had a visa I would kick her out now and fight because at least i would know my son would still be in this country but with the threat of her taking him to the other side of the world where i wouldn't get access is unbearable. i have spent everything i have on her and am left with nothing. after 9 years she has come to the uk and dumped me for another. i can accept that however painful it may be but to face te possibility of never seeing my son again is horriffic . the new guy she met through facebook so of course i am wary at my son meeting him. help please.

Some of the criteria for her residence visa is if she has been married to you for more than 5 years and you have been back in the country and in a marital relationship for at least 1 year. I can't find much but I'm still looking for you. The only other thing I can suggest is if you telephone the immigration service or the border agency and put the question to them. If she alleges domestic violence then she will get legal aid anyway!

Don't you have to be earning in excess of £18000pa to apply for a visa for a non EAA partner, and have savings in the bank?

Can't you get an urgent appointment with your solicitor, or at least talk to him by phone and get some info Eric?

At least she isn't planning to leave the country, her intention is to stay here I would think, if she's met someone else. You need to get to court ASAP though and get this sorted....I honestly can't see them allowing her to remove a child with a British passport to a third world country where there is no proper housing, education or health service.

Cheers Nannyjane

we have been married for more than 5 years and she has been here married for just over a year. She came on a visitors visa which we applied for an extension because of my cancer. it is still under approval. t present I am on benefits and have little money in the bank. Everything I own is in her country which I will never get back. She is on face book chatting to people telling them she is single and her son lives with his dad. I have copied this.

Very complex but I must act quickly because she is going worse day by day.

Is there a family member that could come and stay with you, that would give you some support? She might not behave so badly if someone else was there to witness it.

Unfortunately no. The house is only a rented 2 bedroom so I have spent the last 10 months on the sofa with my 4 year old sleeping with me when she is in a fury. tonight we have all the cushions on the living room floor

she cannot give a reason because she knows I have only been a hard working, kind, loyal husband and father and her reason is that once in the UK she has decided to find a wealthy guy and dump her husband and it seems that to try to justify her behaviour she can only lie about violence having to resort to hitting herself and photographing it to falsify proof. the 4 year old saw her and told my brother that his mother was hitting herself. what is she going to do next? I have fought advanced cancer only to be confronted with this monster doing everything she can to destroy me-hoping that the stress will bring the cancer back. the doctors have told me I need to keep calm to have the greatest chance of winning the battle!

Ask your brother to write a statement about what your son witnessed and what he told him with the date etc and lodge it with your solicitor.

What if you found another rental property and moved out with your children without telling her. She would have to pay her own way then, and you won't have to put up with her madness. Once you moved you could arrange for her to see her son at a designated time in a public place.

Hello everyone.
Received a letter from Cafcass stating they will telephone vback my wife and I within the next 3 weeks for a telephone interview. What kind of questions will they ask? Just counting down the days. Just managing to cope under terrible conditions. Went to hospital for check up and still cancer free. So some good news

Does anyone know what kind of questions Cafcass will ask when they telephone?

Great news about the check up Eric 🙂

They will want to know about your health issues I would think Eric. But you are now free of cancer and building your strength up so that shouldn't be an issue. They will ask about your relationship with your children, they might ask about what happened as far as you having custody of your older child.

It would be helpful to write a list of bullet points that you would like to raise with them so that you don't forget anything. Try not to make derogatory remarks about your wife, but that doesn't mean you can't tell them about her unreasonable behaviour, and the effect it is having on the family as a whole. Just be matter of fact, be truthful and take your time to think about your answers. Try to approach the interview from the perspective of the children and what is in their best interests. Mention how close they are to one another too.

They may ask you if you have any convictions or any history of involvement with the Social Services, and they will check this.

The best approach is to be measured and reasonable Eric....we can't second guess what will be asked, just make some educated guesses and as I said to Vinny just previously, if you were the officer asking the questions what would you want to know?

Thanks for the advice Nannyjane. It is really helpful. I have no criminal convictions and no dealings with social services. I took care of the older child because his mother left. Although for the last few years he has visited her for holidays and there are no bad feelings,

Another factor could be my age- 56 -where the mother is more than 20 yeas younger. In my favour the 2 kids are close and it would be terrible splitting them.

Also I will telephone home office for advice re deportation of my wife and what would happen regarding my son.
any further help welcome.

Hi I telephoned the home office and they told me to write in and explain the situation but that she would probably be able to fight to stay because\ of the child.

So things not looking too good. Seems I will never get her away from me. With my health and age factors unless she agrees I think the RO will be difficult.

Any feelings on the matter?

What kind of relationship does your son have with his mother? He is too young for his wishes to be given any real weight but he should be asked and CAFCASS can do this....my grandson was 4 when they spoke to him, they spent time with him chatting and drawing and were able to ascertain that he wanted to stay with his Daddy. I don't think this was the reason that the judge awarded Residency to my son, that was more to do with the mothers inability to cope and her drug abuse.

I do think it might help your case if your older son was able to give his opinion. It would hold sway if he could talk about the bond he has with his little brother and the importance of keeping the family unit as intact as possible. He should also be allowed to speak up about his step mothers behaviour, as he is 15 he is almost an adult and his feelings and wishes should be taken seriously. I think this is something you need to push with CAFCASS. It would help your case if he was allowed to speak about the terrible way this woman has treated you and how she behaves in front of the little one.

Hi everyone

I am about to inform the home office regarding my wife's visitors visa. I was quite confident that she would be deported and I would get custody of my son. However after some internet research it seems that she will be able to apply to remain so she can have access to her son. I don't want her anywhere near my flaunting her new wealthy boyfriend. Please give me some advice and is the above true. Answers quickly please

I would continue to go to the Home Office. So she may well try to stay to be in contact with her son, but at the same time they could consider that he has his father and brother......that's an either way case I think, but others may have another view.

Unfortunately you will not be able to prevent her from flaunting she would be able to have contact, whether or not she remained in the UK.

Thanks Nannyjane

The letter will be sent to the home office and I will take it from there because I can no longer live in the same house as a wife who is sleeping with another man. It has been destroying me.It is great getting support from this site

Oh Eric it must be terrible for you and the boys...the oldest must be aware of what she's up to 🙁

Whos name is on the tenancy? If the house is in your name only you could look into your rights to ask her to leave. The Citizens Advice Bureau would be a good place to get advice about this.

Hi I have sent the letter to the home office to cancel the visa application. I will now return overseas with my children to start a new life. She can do what she wants. I can no longer live in the Uk with her. I have friends and work waiting for me plus schools for the children. What do you think. If she wants to return she can

Hi Eric 🙂

If you are going back to her country of origin and she returns there, will she have rights over the children? Will you be able to,divorce her once you relocate?

It might be better for you all, a clean break and a fresh start. 🙂