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Hello.
I am a targeted parent in a case involving moderate/severe parental alienation. I have read a lot now on the issue (Amy Baker's books are excellent as is Nick Child's excellent blog https://thealienationexperience.org.uk/about/) and contemplating making an application to Court for an assessment and enhanced contact with my children. I see that Courts are starting to take this topic a little more seriously now than in the past but wondered if anyone had successfully proven it and what the outcome was?
Are you and the children currently receiving support for resolving your current issues? What are you hoping to achieve through court proceedings?
@mrstrange Hello. No we are not. Only my youngest child is currently named on the Child Arrangements Order as he is 11. My two other children, who are 17 and 18 (and about to go to Uni) are not named on it at all and do not visit and rarely speak. The Cafcass report acknowledged the two older children were "naturally aligned to the mother" and both "indicated their mother was their best friend." The report also said the two older children "clearly share the pain burden of the divorce with their mother who finds it difficult to hide her emotions from them." In my view the Cafcass report was deeply flawed as it was compiled by a student with no experience of Parental Alienation or undue influence from the mother.
The mother consistently breaks the Order and has in the past been fined and issued a Penal Notice, which has not deterred her.
I am trying to achieve 3 things.
1. Have my 17 year old added to the CAO and get the Court to acknowledge the Cafcass report was flawed.
2. A proper assessment of whether or nor PA (I know it is) is playing a role and to what level so that we can find the best way forward
3. Consideration of a period of time of full custody in order to break the cycle and show them I am not the monster they believe, or at the very least shared care going forward.
Amy JL Baker's books are a very good resource and in them she speaks to adult victims of PA who all indicate they wish they had had early intervention in hindsight.
@mrstrange Hello. No we are not. Only my youngest child is currently named on the Child Arrangements Order as he is 11. My two other children, who are 17 and 18 (and about to go to Uni) are not named on it at all and do not visit and rarely speak. The Cafcass report acknowledged the two older children were "naturally aligned to the mother" and both "indicated their mother was their best friend." The report also said the two older children "clearly share the pain burden of the divorce with their mother who finds it difficult to hide her emotions from them." In my view the Cafcass report was deeply flawed as it was compiled by a student with no experience of Parental Alienation or undue influence from the mother.
The mother consistently breaks the Order and has in the past been fined and issued a Penal Notice, which has not deterred her.
I am trying to achieve 3 things.
1. Have my 17 year old added to the CAO and get the Court to acknowledge the Cafcass report was flawed.
2. A proper assessment of whether or nor PA (I know it is) is playing a role and to what level so that we can find the best way forward
3. Consideration of a period of time of full custody in order to break the cycle and show them I am not the monster they believe, or at the very least shared care going forward.
Amy JL Baker's books are a very good resource and in them she speaks to adult victims of PA who all indicate they wish they had had early intervention in hindsight.
Sorry to hear that. Has Cafcass recommended a fact finding hearing? If so it could take 5-10 months for one to be listed.
In the meantime it would be great to explore whether your relationship with the older children can be progressed.
However bear in mind that because they are above the age of 16, they can legally move out of their parents home and can't be, by family court, be forced to live somewhere they don't want to.
What type of contact have you have with them in the past 1-2 years?
@mrstrange Thanks for your reply.
So Cafcass has only produced one report which fed into an agreed CAO but the "arrangements" contained within it have constantly slipped or not been complied with. Drop off time by mother is never met, weekends together almost always shortened because some event mother "needs" to have child at (father/mother/cousins/friends/aunties bdays, anniversaries, BBQ's etc etc). Each visit too is always a struggle before the event (He doesn't want to see you this weekend because you've upset him/he would rather see his friends/he's upset at the way you treat me etc) and so a big chunk of our time together is spent unpicking what I've been accused of or they have been told that particular week.
The most interesting part about PA is that the "targeted parent" does not know what has been said so you really are similar to an innocent person trying to convince someone of your innocence without fully knowing what you have been accused of.
In hindsight the Cafcass report was not fit for purpose. I did raise objections at the time however a year on (and with the advantage of knowing a lot more about PA) some of the wording in it now raises concerns with me - "Children are naturally aligned to mother" and "they feel they must offer her emotional support" and "say they are mothers best friend" etc
I agree that children who are 16 plus should decide where to live however in extreme PA cases sometimes the Court needs to step in and almost mandate the child spends time with the targeted parent to show they are not the monster they are led to believe. Courts do have the power to add a child to a CAO up to the age of 18.
I am just hoping to have the CAO re-visited and get an assessment from an independent expert in the field. I think a lot of fathers in particular are suffering from the effects of PA without actually knowing what it is - or that it is a thing.
For anyone looking to research the topic - this is a great starting point https://www.amazon.co.uk/Surviving-Parental-Alienation-Amy-Baker/dp/1538106949/ref=asc_df_1538106949/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=344259374547&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3712318029222668802&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045020&hvtargid=pla-571001857177&psc=1&th=1&psc=1
Lot of case law here you could use to support your position:
Parental Alienation cases:
D (A Child: Parental Alienation) [2018] EWFC B64, HHJ Bellamy - D had lived with his father for 8 years until 2016. At a fact-finding hearing the judge found that D had thereafter become alienated from his father as a result of his mother’s actions in undermining the father’s relationship with D in order to achieve her objective of him living with her, which objective he found she had pursued obsessively;
(Change of Residence; Parental Alienation) [2017] EWFC B24, HHJ Gordon-Saker the court found that the mother had alienated the child from her father and an order providing for the child to live with her father was made;
H (Parental Alienation) [2019] EWHC 2723 (Fam), Keehan J - this was the sixth set of private law proceedings between the parents’ separation in 2007 and the final hearing in 2019. The Court found that the mother had raised allegations of domestic abuse on several occasions, all of which had been dismissed. The judge found that the mother had alienated H from his father, and the only means by which he could enjoy a relationship with both parents was to transfer residence to the father;
A (Children: Parental Alienation)[2019] EWFC, 24 September 2019, HHJ Wildblood QC in which findings were made that the mother had alienated the children from their father:
'I have no doubt that the three experts are right to say that this mother has alienated the children from their father. The relationship between this mother and these children is deeply enmeshed and their perception of this father is skewed and dominated by the mother's own emotional vulnerability. The mother has a deeply entrenched set of beliefs which are not receptive, at present, to the reasoning of others. I find that she is aware of the consequences of her actions upon the children's emotional welfare but considers that her actions are justified.'
https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWFC/OJ/2021/B61.html
I'd really love to hear from any others who have experienced Parental Alienation or any hints and tips from those who have been able to prove it in Court
You are doing extremely well by accessing different resources about parental alienation. My assumption is that a two prong approach will be needed.
1. The children's mum to stop behaviours that are fueling alienation.
2. You to explore ways of strengthening/healing the bond between you and the children - bearing in mind that the needs for an 11 year old is different to those for a 17-18 year old.
However don't expect that court to force someone over the age of 16 to live with you. I know of someone who ex's was highly abusive(proven). 3 of the children didn't want contact but one of them wanted to stay with him 4 night per week.
The court granted that wish because of the child's age.
Stay positive and you will come out the other end with a lovely relationship between you and your children. I admire your patience and approach.
@mrstrange Thank you, I appreciate your kind comments.
This whole subject is very difficult. I love my children dearly and just want a loving relationship with them going forward, but that is being hindered at every turn. Most people say "they will get it eventually" and see that you are a good father who cares for them however two years post divorce and the relationship is getting worse through the actions of my ex.
Any subsequent Court hearing I'll be seeking an assessment and intervention partly too to get help for my ex who is very angry and upset and is relying on my children for support, something the 11year old is struggling with. My hope is that she gets the correct support as well as my children.
I found this assessment from an expert in a previous case interesting in terms of the reasons to align to one parent or another instead of both -
"When parents separate, a child is ‘trying to maintain the biologically and evolutionary imperatives to each of their parents but in a fractured relational world - like an earthquake - the landscape they inhabited is now ripped asunder with one parent on each side of the fracture. The child has to move physically and psychologically across the divide. An attachment no man’s land opens up between parents. Most children manage to do it - it may always feel odd that their parents are no longer together but a child typically can do it. However, when that gap becomes too big and the pressure becomes too great, the risk is that the child psychologically splits and can no longer find a way to maintain relationship to each of those attachment figures. It is invariably the case that a child will align themselves with the parent they either fear or regard as mentally or emotionally unstable - a child’s greatest fear is attachment abandonment. It is often the case that a child becomes hyper-aligned to his emotional mother, with the aim of protecting her well-being and by providing ongoing support and care."
Hello AB.
I had it proved ( parental Alienation) earlier this year through a fact finding hearing.
I put it on my counter Scott schedule and the exs barristers were trying everything they could to get it removed but 3 judges in succession said that it shouldn't and will not be removed.
After the fact finding,Cafcass then ordered for a child psychologist to investigate if it is/was parental alienation but his report was so inconsistent it was boarderline useless. 8 months on from it being proven at the fact finding, I'm still in same postion with the Ex calling the shots and still alienating the children. I have final hearing soon but maybe I've let my frustration get the better of me and cafcass who were behind me are now casting doubts on my behaviour which was basically calling out the shambles of the whole system but we will see.
Get as much evidence as you can, some what I thought was valuable was not much use and some that I thought was minor turnt out to be valuable.
Stay child focused,try not to let the ex trigger you to avoid the tag of 'High conflict'
As pointed out already, unfortunately your oldest 2 are at the age where their views will be considered to be their own.
Good luck mate, if I can help or assist you anymore I will try my best.
@macmyers Thank you and some good advice here. I think the key is to get an assessment quickly and to ask for consistency of judges to see this through. Appreciate your advice. Best of luck to you.
What’s contact with your children been like when you have spend time together over the past 12? Have you had fun or have they been a bit withdrawn and distance?
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