[Solved] Stopping contact 2 hours before contact

Hi there

That is so upsetting for your parents and the children, did you let her know that there were arrangements in place and money spent?

Effectively she is in breach of the order, unforeseen circumstances really isnt adequate and generally only illness, or some such unavoidable emergency would be good enough to interrupt schedules contact at such short notice.

As to what you can do next, you can write to her formally and inform her that she is in breach of the order. Ask her to reimburse the cost of the tickets and to agree to replace the days lost next weekend, pointing out that the weekend following is also part of your scheduled time with them.

Inform her that unless there is an emergency, it is not acceptable to disrupt contact in this way, having spoken to your eldest the night before, the contact was still going ahead at that point. Also mention how excited your child was and how disappointed they must have been when their contact was cancelled so abruptly. Point out that it is the children's right to have both of you involved in their lives and the schedule of contact is designed to give them stability in knowing that they have regular time with you.

State clearly that if there is a further breach you will not hesitate to apply to court to have the order enforced and you would be asking for costs.

All the best

I have experienced very similar to you.

The weekend my first 3 overnight stays were due to start i travelled 13 miles to the allocated location on the court order waited and had a text 5 mins before the due time YES 5 mins that my son wouldnt be coming as he wasnt well.

I replied asking what was wrong...no reply. i informed her via text that she was in breach of court order and going back to court....told to "p$%^ off". had no choice but to come back home.

The actual reason i found out after was that the Child maintenance people had stopped her payments due to me overpaying by a couple of grand that year...but the scavenger wanted more and overlooked the fact that she had already had the money so stopped contact in spite but again the system favours mother.

I would log the date, text and do a screen shot of the text message as evidence

I had 3 breaches in total in 4 months then applied to court for an enforcement order c79 form.
The courts want to be sure there have been clear breaches so its best to have evidence otherwise your ex will just deny it.

I had the proof, and went back to court...all she got was a strong verbal warning stating she must comply etc
The first time you apply for enforcement it will most likely be a verbal warning it takes repeated breaches for them to take serious action. We were also sent on a cafcass SPIP which i requested myself so that next time cafcass cant use it as an excuse to get her out of it.

Enforcement orders can include compensation for any loss of money incurred due to breach e.g if you have a holiday book etc.. (in your case if you can prove it then I think you would be awarded costs of the tickets)

In my case there were no costs other than the cost of the application to court. which the judge didnt award as the scavenger is already on benefits so as with the child law and the whole system/cafcass....they tend to side with the mother .

the judge did say however..if there is a disruption in contact due to genuine uncontrollable reasons then the mother should provide evidence of such (eg being admitted to hospital) and a mere cold or bug does not constitute a valid reason to disrupt contact if the child is able to perform usual activities then either parent could administer any medication necessary.
In my case one of the breaches of contact the reason given was that he is having a hair cut ....even the cafcass officer was shocked stating she had all week to give him a haircut and also a haircut doesnt take 3 days to complete so why miss a whole weekend ?.. Again despite this no formal action was taken against her.

The courts can issue punitive measure such as community service/fine etc but is rare....they need to be properly pissed off for that.

I would log and it and as advised in the above post send her a written warning letter. if it continues..go back to court

best of luck

Make a log of it and communicate with the mother as Mojo has advised. Try and keep it in writing so that you have evidence if this continues.

I cannot believe how this website ignores or ta best under-estimates the odds stacked against concerned Dads as parents. Just because you have broken up for whatever reason shouldn't give your ex the right to corral/control your children & essentially stop you seeing them supported by a court and legal system that orients still at 80:20 in favour of maternal rights, never mind the childrens rights and needs & heaven forbid Dads rights.
I can really relate to your situation. I was a work at home Dad, was also the emotional centre of the family. My ex decided she wanted out, but instead of doing the adult thing & talking thru what was best and then staying true to that execution - basically looked after herself setting up an alternative life and then taking the kids, She asked for every scrap of family finance we had ever had, which the court in its wisdom granted and THEN moved on to stop me seeing the kids, by not being in/around when it was 'access time'. I went thru the appeal to her process, ending up in courts with an access order put in place , which she then ignored despite the whole CAFCASS thing that showed me the father in the centre circle emotionally, not my ex - but this doesn't matter.
Bottom line is if your ex has the kids she can essentially do what the [censored] she likes and you have to live with it. This will have an emotional impact on the kids and you will be held responsible whatever you do, but if you love your kids and I'm sure you do - you will be caught by devil if you do, devil if you don't. I had to put up with watching my kids being emotionally damaged by a selfish woman - but there is little you can do from the touchlines other than be there when you can in situations not of your creation. I fervently live in hope that as my kids reach adulthood making lives of their own, the remaining emotional ties we have will be enough to start again & things will turn around. My youngest is 17 now - but be prepared - it will be an uphill struggle because of all the [censored] that's gone on in their formative and teenage years and a belief system that paints 'Dad' & Dds views worthy of dismissal.... Bottom line is if you have an uncaring mother as your ex - you have years of pain ahead, just stay around & be there for whenever they need you and ignore the history of shyte & emotional blackmail (as far as you can). I wish you luck.

I'm confused at why you've chosen to comment on a thread that is nearly a year old?

I can assure you that we don't ignore or under estimate the potential pitfalls for Dads, but we do try and provide balance, and support our members in a positive and pro active way. Quite simply it's not all as biased as you believe, whilst I understand that you feel youve had a raw deal, it's not automatically the case for everyone.

The system isn't perfect and there's a way to go, but attitudes are changing... let's be honest, we have no choice but to work with the current system, as working against it will work against us, it will just hinder success. Being calm and reasonable, keeping it about the children and rising above any nastiness, is without doubt the best attitude to have, allowing bitterness to show itself is a mistake which will have repercussions.

since this thread is live again, I thought I might as well add my bit.

I agree with everything Mojo said about the correct approach.

It too get a little frustrated when I hear things like the court are not biased etc, when it is glaring obvious they are. In fact the whole system is geared against fathers, from anti molestation orders, child benefit/tax credit, child maintenance, court order enforcement, right down to the judges themselves.

There are a few organisations around who are very active in affecting change the correct way (fathers4justice not being one of them). Dad info I feel is not about bringing about change however. It offers practical advice with the current system and a forum for people to discuss things freely, Nevertheless I do get cheesed off when people deny that there is any bias in the system.