[Solved] Start of parental alienation.

Ouch, really sorry to hear, it’s a delicate situation. It sounds like you are doing the right thing reassuring him that you love him and not responding in kind.

My suggestion is to get in touch with someone like the family separation clinic. They will be able to guide you much more precisely on how to avoid this escalating.

My understanding is that the way you fix this is by spending more time with your child, showing empathy, lots of eye contact and smiling, keep it positive and never start badmouthing the mother. But you definitely want expert advise on this one.

So sorry to hear, your ex probably doesn’t realise the damage she is doing to her own son by saying things like that 🙁

In a way, you are lucky that it’s happening this early, because your son is too young for the alienation reaction to set in, ie, he won’t reject you in the way a 10 or 12 year old could.

Your challenge is to stay calm and polite with the mother. If you and her start having arguments, your son will be in a very difficult position of being pulled in two opposite directions, and because he spends so much more time with her, the likelihood is that he would choose her over you, so yeah, you need to keep it cool, be tactical.

Thanks for the reply. Not going to lie i really was hoping that I was not going to have to post on hear again but my I know my ex and the bottom line is me and my family are a inconvenience to her life.

This is such a delicate subject and one I can't bring up with her without problems. I'm already having trouble with her as she is breaking the order for not applying for his passport so I can go on holiday with him but that another matter all together and now least of my concerns.

I'm thinking Iver write her a letter informing her of my concerns and introduce a handover book so we can avoid conflict or to make a call to some expert advice but I fear if I do this and she hears about it false allegations will again be made.

Absolutely gutted and hope I can resolve this quickly.

Unfortunately until she stops it there's very little you can do about it, if you were to look at the breaches of the court order by way of taking it back for enforcement she could just up the negativity in front of your child.
My ex would say the same stuff to the point where it became "tell Daddy you don't want to go with him today" "it's OK he'll not be mad at you and he won't make you" "no one will make you do anything YOU don't want to do....espcially Daddy"

how do you stop this? .....i have no idea....when i challenged her via letter/ email all i got was abuse....the old lines came out... "no court will tell me what to do with my child" and "you won't take my child from me" ..... that last one is especially tragic as i've never wanted to take OUR child away from her....i only ever wanted what was reasonable and fair for our child....regullar un-interupted and un-controlled contact....weekedns, holidays...extra days etc...

Mine is now at an age where her constant breaking of contact has resulted in 2,1/2yrs of not seeing my child....who now says to CAFCASS that (child) doesn't want to contact me in any way shape or form......how do you get around that?

get it nipped in the bud now before it becomes entrenched in your child's mind that they don't have to do anything they don't want with you! write the letter see what the response is....then take it further if she breaks your contact order.

You're at a crossroads. What you choose to do from here will have a massive influence going forward. I have not been in this position, but am pretty convinced that taking a hard stance won't work. It can't, you have no power in this situation.

Maybe this helps:

https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/when-children-reject-you-using-empathy-to-challenge-the-alienation-process/

Thank you for your reply Gents. It's disgusting that this could happen to any parent and I feel for those who it's happened to. I'm not going to panic just yet but still have to be stern with the ex. My boy laughs and smiles and loves his time with me but he is 2 half and also sulks when he doesn't get his own way and crys for his mum every so often.

I will continue to do my absolute best for him to enjoy his time with me but monitor this situation closely. I will always be positive for his mum infront of him. Last week I took him to buy her a birthday card and chocolate and we drew her a picture. I can't stand her but again I will do what is morality right.

I've decided I'm going to suggest a handover book to avoid confrontation along with a letter. I wrote in this letter my concerns and what been said but careful not to accuse. I just want it to be clear that if something is happening behind closed doors I'm aware of it and will seek to take action if it continues. Unfortunately by what people saying there is no action that can be taken so I suppose I have to just call her bluff.

Hopefully this is a temporary problem or phase that will go away.

You are doing exactly the right thing making you son aware of the correct situation. He will understand the truth.

Having suffered exactly the same it will probably go in fits and starts. When he gets slightly older you will probably get the true picture from him - such as mummy says I don't want to ..... which shows whos thoughts it is.

Sadly my experience is that courts aren't interested. Just keep a log and it may come in useful later.

Thanks for your replys. This does not give much hope if this is to continue. The courts don't care nether does any child association so basically what mum wants mum gets. Terrible and I hope I can prevent this.