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Hi,
Bear with me as I am new o this forum.
My wife and I are about to go through a divorce. We have been split up for 2 years. For the past year I have been with a new partner. I introduced my son to her and he stays with us when I have access which thankfully my ex agreed to 50/50.
I have him 2 days, she has 2 then we alternate the the other 3 so we both have quality weekend with him.
This has been working well for over a year now. My son is really happy and content and loves coming to stay. He has 2 holidays a year, 2 xmas etc. These terms were agreed at mediation.
The problem is now its the summer holidays she has the full summer off where as I cant. She now expects to have him the majority of the summer as I cant get all that time off. My son (on my days) stays with my partner and her kid and I come home to them. I just think that it would send the wrong message to him that he cant stay at home if dad is working. I want him to feel its as much his home as the one he has with his mum.
I have a feeling she is going to get her lawyer to state that when she is off and im not that he should stay with her.
I am hoping this cannot be the case as my son has just settled and knows the routine he is in and really enjoys his time at "home".
Im in Scotland if that makes any difference.
Thanks guys
May I ask how old your son is?
I agree with you, it's great that you and your ex were able to rise above your own differences and do what was in his best interests. I think this indicates that she is a reasonable woman and wants to do the best for him, just as you do.
Perhaps it might be useful to try mediation, you could then discuss the issues and with the guidance of the mediator, hopefully reach an agreement that works for you all, but your son most of all. Some mediators offer a child inclusive service, depending on the age of the child, this might be something that you could consider if age appropriate.
Thanks for the reply Mojo.
My son is 5.
We have been to mediation and managed to agree the routine for access.
She isnt happy though about my son being with my partner when I am at work though. One suggestion was to get him up at 6 in the morning and take him to her then pick him up after work. I dont think that is fair on him and I want him to feel at home in his new house.
What I suggested was that we have 2 week stints with him in the summer which makes it easier for me to get holidays and we can have a proper break away.
I was just wondering though if anybody knows if she can legally say that he cant be with my partner if I am at work?
Thanks again
Hi there
I understand where you're coming from, your son is settled and happy and this indicates that he has a good relationship with your partner and her child....but I can also understand where your ex is coming from too, as she has time off she would like to spend some of it with him. I think you should ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed and he was being left at her home with her new partner even though you were available to look after him.
Perhaps you could compromise and suggest that she can pick him up from your house and take him for days out and return him at tea time. That way your not having to drag him out of bed early and it won't give him the impression that he shouldn't be there when you are at work.
I'm not aware of any law that states he can't spend time with your partner when you're not there. I think that as you have used mediation before, this might be the way to go. It will give you the chance to get your point across and agree on something that works for both of you.
It would be such a pity to muddy the waters, you have such a child friendly arrangement and have been able to reach agreement amicably. It's obvious that you both want what's best for your little boy and this is a great starting point.
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