Some advice / input urgently wanted - How to proceed?

Good Morning,

So here goes, So partner and i split up 2 months ago. The day it happened she kicked the door in and broke the panel - was arrested and released without charge due to lack of evidence. Without hesitation i submitted the c100 stating domestic abuse and fear she would abscond with our son (both true), i currently have sole care of my son by court order. Over the last 2 months negotiations has been difficult - she employed a professional mckensie friend (PMF) whom was a pain to deal with. While negotiating with the PMF we came to a provisional agreement - residency would be with me, she can have unlimited access. This agreement was turned down and 2 stipulations needed to be added 1) i would lift the prohibited steps order 2) I would not prosecute her or seek further legal intervention. I added these in then communication stopped. Next day at court, 1st hearing prior to Fhdra she claim i was trying to blackmail her. Anyway court ruled in my favour and kept the PSO in place until at least the FHDRA.

So she sacked the PMF and since then communication and negotiating has been a lot better between us. We have now reached a mutual agreement that time should be split 50/50 on a 2-2-3 arrangement and i will remove the prohibited steps order. One issue i am having is that i would like to stipulate residency be with me, This is because i remain in the family home, the home our son has always known and it is close to our sons school (2 min away). Plus it offers me some security that she wont turn this whole process against me. However i know she wont agree to me having residency even though time will still be spilt 50/50.

Now the FHDRA is on the 23rd oct 24. I am happy to agree on everything if she is too. But the domestic abuse allegations could be an issue, to getting this situation over and done with. 

Let me explain...

My partner came home about 4 years ago wanting an open relationship, i flat out refused. This obviously caused some issues between me and her and i thought the issues was dealt with. It wasn't she decided to do it behind my back, telling others i was consenting but didnt want to know. This went on for 2 years or so until i found out in April 24. The discovery also lead me to realise she had been planning for our eventual split these years in advance, she has deformated my character to everyone - School, friends, neighbours, abuse charities, people whom i dont even know and have never met me. This has created a paper trail, stating i am an abuser. Now i have some evidence to back me up but most of the evidence including a video of her and one of her "knock offs" humiliating me and objectifying me in a sexual video is all on her social media, whatsapp, text messages etc, which i do not have access too. I have seen all these first hand including the manipulation of others in regards to my consent. This has also had a major impact of my mental health, she convinced me i was paranoid, had mental health issues, gaslit me to the point my reality is/was really messed up. She claims i am a bad parent but was spending increasing amounts of time away from the family leaving me constantly as the main carer for our son.

Now i have admittedly sent some unpleasant messages to her in regards to this which she will use against me - but i cant fight my corner without access to her social media accounts, and i believe the court is going to want to see this evidence. I have continually backed down on my position through fear of losing my son, including on these present negotiations and she is more than aware of this, her constant words were "if you dont like it, move out and be a weekend dad". While this has been ongoing she has also made a formal complaint to the social services about the worker helping me and told me shes going to get the sack. She also contacted my neighbour saying if she heard our son in the night to call the police. My son is 4 he wakes up sometimes in the night crying.

Now i personally do not care about her abuse towards me, its over with and thats an issue i can deal with on my own. But i think the court might. I would much prefer to get this agreement through and that be the end of it. She is a good mum and the issues were only ever between me and her. Plus i think her current situation has now made her see reason and shifted her focus back to whats important, it does seem that way.

I dont want to turn up to court expecting this agreement and then be undermined / hamstrung by her telling me one thing - and then doing another to try and shaft me. I have cafcass phone appointment tomorrow 14/10/24, and im in an unsure mind of how i should proceed.

I still have no solicitor - as the paperwork is taking months.

Input on this is most welcome.

Thanks