[Solved] Solicitor threat letter / parental alienation

How old is the child?

Why does she seem to know so much about the court proceedings?

A court will take a very dim view of this solicitors letter if it is the ex who has upset your daughter by telling her way too much. On the other hand, if she has learned this from you, I would be prepared for a ticking off from the judge.

She is 7

My daughter had seen we were going through alot of turbulent times and had questions. She asked why cant I spend more time with you and why does my mum always shout at you and stop me from coming. All very difficult questions to face. She asked if you are going to go in a room with the lady again. I didn't get into details her mother dotted the i's and Crossed the T's for me and then pointed the finger of blame in my direction. Most likely I will get a telling off from the judge, but she has been well informed about the goings on in general from her mother.

Plenty of people here have self represented against their ex's solicitors and come out with a very good result. One advantage you have is that you know your situation inside out, whereas the solicitor has had perhaps 3 hours on the case from start to finish. If you need more help, we'll do what we can on here, and you could consider using a McKenzie's friend if you want professional help preparing at a much lower cost than a solicitor.

Thanks, those are both things id never thought of.

I contacted a mckenzies friend. They reckon that the process particularly proving parental alienation requires somebody highly skilled. In that case, I've been told I shouldn't try to self-represent my case. It may also require a psychologist report which costs thousands. All pretty intense and costly stuff. Unexpected to say the least.

...it can be difficult to prove, but courts are getting better at recognising it, I wouldn't necessarily agree that it requires someone highly skilled, it's more dependent on whether CAFCASS and the judge accept it's a problem and are pro active in dealing with it.

I would see what the school has to say, but you are in an equal position to argue that your daughters distress is due to her mother involving her in the case... at 7 she shouldn't be having the I's dotted and the T's crossed! It's quite easy to field questions from a young child, reassurance that Mummy and Daddy are trying very hard to sort it out and there's nothing to worry about is all that's required, and changing the subject and keeping young minds occupied and busy with fun things.

You would need the courts permission before you got an independent psychologists report...its shaky ground and can look manipulative. If there's concern then the school and GP are well equipped to help and support your daughter.

Have you responded to the letter from your ex's solicitor? I think it's important to do so and to come in strong with a counter arguement, that your ex shouldn't be discussing the case with your daughter and should instead be reassuring her that Mummy and Daddy are working very hard to sort it out... that your daughters well being is your first priority and the sooner a consistent and defined schedule is put in place, the better it will be for all concerned, requesting that in future all discussion about the ongoing case is kept strictly away from her.

I havent responded Mojo. If possible is there any chance I could PM you and we could draft something together? As you seem to be pretty well versed and im not sure where to start with all this. I know its a big ask but it would be appreciated a million times over 🙂

Hi FTD

I'm sure Mojo will pop along soon but they aren't due back on shift for a few days.

I get the sense from your posts, that you are over thinking a lot of this, but understandably so.

A lot of people fall in to the trap of trying to become their own lawyer in these situations and forget the court are there to make sure the child has a right to see both parents.

I don't dispute that there's clearly some manipulation and alienating behaviours taking place in your situation, but I will give you some advice here - please keep it simple.

You don't need to draft a long letter to the solicitor, something along the lines of what Mojo has written above is adequate. One or two paragraphs at most.

Speak to the school and ask for anything in writing that they will give you.

For the first hearing, you will need a brief Position Statement, no longer than one or two pages, but again keep it simple. Don't go storming in with mentions of Parental Alienation and Psychological reports - you will only put the courts back up.

Courts are very used to dealing with litigants in person and will make allowances for this. If the mother absolutely refuses to reinstate any contact at this hearing, then buckle up, get your head down and prepare to jump through some hoops.

Always speak from your daughter's point of view and if the court can't get the mother to agree then request a Section 7 Welfare Report to be undertaken.

A decent McKenzie Friend should be able to guide and support you and I will contradict the advice you have already been given, by saying at this stage, you don't need a highly skilled lawyer or barrister (assuming that's what they meant) - you need to be brief, clear and concise.

Many of our dads have successfully self repped against solicitors and the process isn't as daunting as it seems.

Save your time with law books and get yourself a copy of Lucy Reed - Court Without a Lawyer, it's sensible and a good resource.

Feel free to keep posting and we will do what we can to assist you.

Hi Yoda

Thank you for your reply

Overthinking is my party trick, especially with matters of business / family. Its important to me that my daughter is safeguarded from mental abuse and that regular contact is reinstated. I'm fretting in all honesty because of threats made by the mother and solicitor.

I understand what you say about storming in with accusations and have been told that alot, its just knowing when to mention and in what manner. Also are there any guides on here on how to layout a position statement and what to do from there?

When speaking with the welfare officer at school should I mention that I suspect alienation is going on?

After speaking to the mckenzie friend it has put some fear in my mind. I highly suspect though that this was just sales tactics, he was 'booked up' doubted that id get any amicable contact arrangement setup and parental alienation would require a psychologist report by the courts which costs over 6k and is very hard to prove. For these reasons id be better off using a mckenzie friend in his words. In all honesty I just don't think I can afford this, but again most likely all a big sales pitch so could most likely get this done with the help from these forums.

Its good to know that representing against a solicitor as a litigant in person is not a scary as I thought.

There are some unscrupulous McKenzies and I must say I don't like the sound of the one you spoke to!

As long as your words are tempered, it's ok to share your concerns, but as Yoda advises, always speak from your daughters point of view and always keep calm and reasonable.

I'll find and link some info on position statements for you.

Here's some info on writing statements and a template

www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/positionstatements.html

www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/statement.html

http://media.wix.com/ugd/69743a_6f5457e9a07b43ae9dcb67ef4be27cf2.docx?dn=Position%20Statement%20Template%20with%20questions.docx

www.mfjc.co.uk/home/mfjccou1/public_ftp/...ldren-March-2013.pdf

www.familylawquestions.co.uk/page9/page12/page19/