[Solved] Sole custody of my son - psychotic ex

Hi Jay

If you are named on the birth certificate you already have Parental Responsibility (PR). Theoretically you both have equal parenting rights, but if you were to keep him and she made an urgent application to court, the likelihood is that the court would find in her favour and he would have to be returned to her, at least while the case was heard and what would be in your sons best interests long term considered. This would be done by social welfare reports etc.

She can't just give you full custody, she could promise whatever she wanted but if it isn't backed up by a court order then it's pretty much worthless.

You would be better off getting her to seek help for her drink problem through her GP so that there is a record of her drinking.

If you are staying with her to get some kind of agreement then I fear you are putting yourself through a great deal of misery for nothing. I understand how tough it must be for you, it can be really difficult dealing with someone who abuses alcohol.

Does she drink when she is looking after your son? Obviously that would be totally unacceptable and you could perhaps remove him from her care for his own safety if that were the case.

Best of luck

Hi there,
Thanks for the reply. So what you saying is that regardless of what she says or signs will not give me full custody? Even though she said that it can be done. Shes been to cit adv for this, and I have download a PR form.
So that means she's lied again.
Thanks again
Jay

The only thing that is legally binding as far as contact/residency of a child is concerned is a court order. She could sign a draft agreement, but later on withdraw it or say that she was coerced into signing, it's not legally binding.

Are you named on the birth certificate? If not then a Parental Responsibility Agreement is a good idea, but it won't have any bearing on whom the child lives with.

Mothers have PR automatically, fathers have PR if they are named on the birth certificate. If a father isn't named he can get PR either by agreeing with the mother and jointly submitting a Parental Responsibility Agreement to the Registry office. Or if the mother won't agree, by applying to court for Parental Responsibility Order.

Here's a link to information about PR

https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/what-is-parental-responsibility

Hi, My name is on the birth certificate. So, I would have to apply for a court order which means solicitors and court fees. This won't be cheap.

Although she said she will do anything, I don't she really understands the whole situation. Myself neither.

Many many thanks

...well you have PR already then.

Applying for a court order doesn't have to entail solicitors, many dads here have represented themselves successfully.

I'm assuming you are thinking ahead here, there wouldn't be any point applying for an order if you were still together as its unlikely to be granted. If you split and then apply for a Child Arrangements Order for residence, unless there is a serious risk of harm to your child the court are unlikely to grant you residency I'm afraid.

I would definitely try and encourage your ex to seek help for her drinking via the GP. If you do end up having to make an application to court further down the line then there will be a record of her drinking.

As Mojo says, the only thing that is legally binding is a court order.

Good luck

unless there is a serious risk of harm to your child the court are unlikely to grant you residency I'm afraid.

Thanks again. Sorry for the delay.
both weekends she has kicked off and been a complete idiot, both weekends she was drinking, should I open a case with social services? Both weekends I walked out because I didn't want to be there, am I within my rights to take my son? As I left him there?

I'm beginning to question my rights as a dad and what I can do, like take him out of that environment.

Thanks
Jay

Hi Jay

If she is drunk then you would be within your rights to leave with your son, it is your responsiblity to protect your child from any risk of harm so it woud be irresponsible to leave him with someone that is drunk.

If her drinking is getting out of hand it might be a good idea to contact Social Services and discuss your concerns with them. As he is not a child under their care ( they don't have a case file on him) they will probably advise you that it is your responsibility to protect him from harm....I doubt they'll tell you what action to take specifically. It's difficult to predict what their response would be to be honest, they may take it seriously, but equally they may give the impression that they are not concerned. Someone that drinks but still functions wouldn't be high on their list of priorities. If she was creating problems, being drunk and disorderly, with regular police involvement then the situation might be different.

It might be a good idea to speak to your sons Health Visitor and also your GP, doing this will create a written record of your concerns.

Don't whatever you do bad mouth the mother, but of course stress that you are finding it increasingly difficult to be there when she is under the influence of alcohol and as her behaviour is aggressive and chaotic you are put into a situation where it is in the best interests of your child to remove him from the situation.

Is she drinking during the day? Is there any evidence that she drinks whilst you're at work, or is she a binge drinker?

All the best

Thanks very much for the replies.
She drinks mostly in the evening but because of the stress in her life, gets emotional then eventually unstable and aggressive and venomous. Last night we went to the pub where we had a few drinks and went back to hers, then she started pestering me about giving her a chance, then she starts going over the same questions and I told her enough. Then out of the blue asks me to leave, so I grab my stuff and before I get to the door is on her knees begging me not to go.

I drive 11 miles home and get 10 missed calls. I won't answer her, then get texts saying it's very clear you don't want me, hey ho!

Text her this morning saying can I see my son and once over there she say's shes sorry and can we forget last night? But this leaves a very sour taste in my mouth as it happened last week too.

I am going to contact social services and my GP which is her's and create a paper trial.

She's said that shes done everything I've asked and more, in her eyes that's gone to the CAB solicitors. Not go sort out full custody of my son like I suggested and she agreed.

Hello simyboye,

You say quote, "Last night we went to the pub where we had a few drinks .................."

In light of the fact consuming too much alcohol causes behavioural changes in your Ex and problems between the two of you, is it not possible to go elsewhere for a night out rather than to "the pub"?