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My ex girlfriend is being difficult with our new born daughter.
After she was born I started making child maintenance payments of my own accord, we made a plan for me to see our baby 4 days a week (6hrs sunday- 3 sundays a month, then on 3 specific days for 2 hours each day after work)
All was going well for a couple of weeks (barring the fact I can't have any alone time with our daughter, but she's new born and breast fed so I leave that battle for another day). She had also swapped out a Sunday 6hr for Monday 2hr but I let that slide as well, as well as her cancelling a couple of other days.
The other day I get a message we're going out to dinner with a family member, I was a little annoyed that I now have to share my limited time with my daughter with other people but I said Ok. Then in comes the message "Baby won't be in your car" I asked why and she said until I can prove I don't drive like a madman. The thing that got to me was the other person has planned this with her to get to me, the other person has had a crash, only been driving a year, is going to have other undisciplined kids in the car and the car itself has a lower safety rating than my car. p.s. I also don't drive like a mad man and will be on my best behavior with my daughter in the car, what an insult!!
During this ridiculous argument (which in retrospect I wish I didn't rise to) it transpired that she plans to register the birth without me and won't be naming me on the birth certificate. At this point I'm fuming she's accusing me of driving drunk, asking for too much contact and "other bad things" what ever that is.
I've stopped contact this week and I'm planning to end mediation (which I've already attended the assessment meeting) if she can't stick to an agreement, mediation has no extra powers at best she'll agree then change her mind at a later date. I work full time as well, minimum wage so it'd be a waste of money.
I'd also like to mention she has a history of depression, attempted suicide on record (as recently as a year ago)
We used to do a lot of drugs together a year back but I quit when I found out she was pregnant (smoking cigarettes included) and she said she quit after we broke up 6months into the pregnancy. She's never stopped smoking either, which I think lead to the baby being born a few weeks premature.
What do I do from here?
I'm lost, I think - to ensure I see my daughter regularly I need take her to court?
Hi there
As you've already attended mediation and things have escalated since then, you should contact the mediator and explain that the situation has deteriorated and she is making allegations and placing all kinds of conditions on your contact that are not acceptable to you. Because of the allegations you have felt it necessary to stop contact and ask the mediator to sign the C100 form to enable you to make a application to court for a Child Arrangements Order.
There's lots of information in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section about the court process that you may find useful. There are many Dads here that have chosen to self represent through court and it's doable, we will advise and support you as much as we can.
Thank you so much for the help, this is seriously a confusing time of how to act and what to do.
I attended mediation alone for my initial assessment, got a parenting booklet that me and the ex should fill out, I asked her to sit down with me to semi-formalise some of our plans but she told me she thinks it's pathetic and won't be doing it. I gave her the booklet anyway in an attempt to warm her up to it, she can show her friends, think about some of the answers and such but tells me shes never got time for it.
Thanks for the pointer, I'm going to start trawling through those stickies later.
I called up mediation to attempt to get her have a shared meeting with me, but she hasn't attended her initial assessment yet, I'm assuming she's set a date as late as possible to delay the whole process, maybe I'm just being paranoid though.
Thanks again,
It's always difficult to decide on the best course of action when the outcome is such an important one. Generally if she hasn't responded to the mediator within a couple if weeks then its likely she won't. Give the mediator a call and discuss a cut off date, after which if she hasn't responded, the form wil be signed off so that you can apply to the court.
All the best
the mother of my daughter kept everything secret from me and never told me she was pregnant and gave birth. i only found out by default from one of her friends who thought i had a right to know, i wasnt put on the birth certificate and it all started off terrible..i phoned a very old friend of mine who was my social worker 25 yrs ago and her very first advice was..."IF SHES ***** AROUND NOW TAKE IT TO COURT, AS IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE"
i ignored her advice and sorted it outside of court, to which it eventually went tits up and i did have to go to court and missed 11 months of my daughters life...so stick to that advice..take it to court..c100 from done in 2/3 months
Thank you so much for the reply, I hope things were sorted for you after the court action π
I'm filling out a C1 PR form as we speak, she's attending mediation in the next couple of days and then we'll go to one together, if nothing is done - I'm following your advice - I really want mediation to break down (because it will be her end it breaks down from) and then it's court time. The only thing holding me back is having a fulltime job means I have no legal council and will be self representing which worries me.
Again, thanks for your support π
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