[Solved] She’s taking my son away, because I was emotionally abusive

Hi there

It would be extremely difficult to stop her to be honest, her reasons for moving are to be near to her family and friends, to go back home to where she has a good support network.

If you made a court application, it’s highly unlikely that they would stop her doing that, especially as there’s an element of emotional abuse involved, this is classed as domestic violence and you may find that if you take her to court to stop her, the reasons she had to leave would be given weight and may affect how and when you see your child in the future.

If you are able to sit down and talk with her, it might be better to try and reach agreement on how contact would work going forward. If you aren’t able to work on this together, it might be a good idea to try mediation to try and reach agreement.

I’m sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear, I understand how you must be feeling about the prospect of him being moved a long way away, it won’t be easy, but with some effort you can make it work, as others have done.

All the best

It’s not what I want to hear but it’s fully what I expect to hear.

I don’t understand how it will work. My son is breastfed at the moment and is only 6 months old. She always said she wanted to breastfeed for 2 years as this is recommended and what her mum did. I appreciate that but would make overnights impossible. It would also mean she would need to be nearby all the time which would be awkward.

Do you have any idea what kind of contact arrangements courts usually issue in situations like this?

She also refused mediation as she was advised not to go by her solicitor due to the way I treated her. She thinks it’s inappropriate

The orders that courts issue vary wildly, outcomes can be down to the judge on the day, some are good, some not so. The fact that she breastfeeds will also be considered and contact (if it happens) is likely to be short, to fit around that, at least until the child is weaned and started on solids.

Her solicitor is anticipating court, you will have an uphill struggle because of the domestic violence and it could be that you would have to attend a domestic violence perpetrators programme before contact is allowed, these courses are usually a few months in duration.

As mediation has been refused, the mediator can sign the form to allow you to make an application to court. If you made an application for a Child Arrangements Order and a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her from leaving, it would possibly delay her leaving... but that might prompt her to make an application for a Non Molestation Order to keep you away from her and your child.

Unfortunately the fact that you treated her badly is over arching everything at the moment. Courts are, by their very nature, cautious where safeguarding of children is concerned, and they would have to investigate everything to make absolutely sure that a child is safe before allowing contact.

You could contact her solicitor and ask for supervised contact in a contact centre, it would be a start and if they agree that would hopefully be the starting point if it were to go to court, rather than no contact at all.

Thank you.

I was told recently that the courts are sympathetic to dads and that abuse is only considered if it affects the children, as I never abused my son. Interesting that you’ve advised differently, thank you.

My ex is going all out. She’s got women’s aid working with her, she’s contacted the police who aren’t pursuing anything, the health visitor referred to MARAC which I found out through a friend as I wasn’t supposed to know (she doesn’t know I know). I feel like she’s building a huge case against me when I’ve realised I need to change and am doing my best.

I’m terrified the courts are going to rip me to shreds.

I’m not legally trained, this is just my opinion... all I can say is that I’ve seen many members in your position having to fight every inch of the way.

I’d be interested to know who told you the court will be sympathetic and they won’t consider the abuse against your ex? Abuse is always considered where there are children involved... that has been the experience of many Dads here. You only have to read through previous posts on this subject to get an understanding of that.

Whilst courts are used to parties making false or exaggerated allegations, the fact that you admit you were emotionally abusive, that women’s aid are involved and there is already a MARAC ongoing too, will make things very difficult for you... in my opinion.

The best thing you can do is to cooperate with the authorities, it’s highly likely that you will now have to prove that you aren’t a risk to your child, and there will most likely be stringent conditions placed upon you, lots of hoops to jump through, I’m not saying you won’t see your child again, just that you most likely have a long road ahead of you.

It’s impossible to predict outcomes, I hope that you will find the easiest route back to your child, but it’s always better to be prepared for the worse, then anything less is a bonus.

I would advise you get a solicitor that specialises in family law, if you can afford it. All the best

I mainly read it online. I read forums directed towards women where women have posted saying ‘the court didn’t care about the abuse. They still have him 50/50 contact etc’

I’m not minimising the way I acted. I am highly embarrassed and feel awful. I’m working on this. I just need a chance to prove myself and don’t think I will be able to if she moves away with my son.

I get where you’re coming from and I don’t judge... I wouldn’t be right not to point out the pitfalls... you’d be better off reading the stories from fellow Dads here, to get a better idea of what you might be up against.

I wish you well.

lovingdad dont feel so down and disheartened. if you ever shouted at your partner, thats considered emotional abuse. heck maybe even slamming the door is too!

no idea where you are in court process, but cafcass would study your case and will decide if you need to go on domestic violence course etc. if you want contact with your kids, then you will need to fight tooth and nail, and jump through the hoops. just try not to lose your mind in the process. have to stay calm and positive and try ignore the trouble making from the other side, and just focus on court dates.

Sadly I did more than just shout and slam a door. The courts are going to rip me to shreds. If she ever did anything wrong, no matter how small I would just lose it and would end up punching a hole through something. I even lost it with her the day she had given birth over something now that I see as so small. I was a fool and so horrible and regret all of it. I just don’t know what to do.

its not the end of the world. if it makes you feel better or positive, i did similar stuff. strictly damaging furniture lol. and cafcass did section 7 report on me and classed this as situational couple violence. where arguments start, and there is aggression. and this stuff happened few years ago. cafcass said its safe for me to see my kids and case closed. i have no police records so guess it was more of an open and shut case.

also the fact that the ex has been letting me see the kids all day, every saturday for couple of months, is taken into consideration.