[Solved] She hasnt put me on the Birth Certificate

Hi there

I’m sorry you’re still having difficulties, but as I think I said previously, your child is still very young and I would try and be patient.

Legal aid for family matters is no longer available, unless there has been provable domestic abuse. Some women will make false allegations to qualify for It, so be careful, she could claim you are harassing her and take an injunction out on you quite easily.

I’d give it another couple of months and if things don’t improve, you can start the process with mediation, this can be helpful in sorting issues out, but if not, the mediator would sign the form for you to apply to court for Parental Responsibility and an order for regular contact with your child.

It doesn’t have to be done with a solicitor, many dads here do it quite successfully without one and we would be able to advise and support you along the way. Don’t give up!

All the best

Yes, so I think I'm not going to rush into court straight away as the solicitor bills are immense.

I'm going to take a chill pill, relax myself and give her what she wants for the next few months i.e look after the baby alone.

I've scheduled a mediator and will spend some time with that process to start with.

I think that’s sensible trsisko. I’ll give you a link to the CAFCASS Parenting Plan, if you’re intending to,try mediation it might be a good idea to try and use the parenting plan as a way of getting some agreement in place as your child gets older.

All the best

Here are some links to the new and improved parenting plan put together by CAFCASS, even if you are unable to agree the plan together, at least it will give you a better idea of what to negotiate when using mediation.

www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parenting-plan.aspx

And of course if you need help creating a parenting plan use the DAD.Info site here

http://dadinfo.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/home

Just as an update on my case

She has recently reported the car we shared as stolen and taken me off the insurance certificate. Unfortunately, she now alleges i have also harmed her physically. However, the offices dismissed the line of investigation due to insufficient evidence.

I have spent the night in the jail cell and have no prior records.

I paid the deposit 50 percent for the car and have been paying her monthly payments while she was on paternity. Ironically, as she needed finance the car was on her name..

Hi there

Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do about it, apart from stop paying the finance for the car.

It's fairly clear that she is preparing for court by making allegations of abuse, this will entitle her to legal aid to pay for a solicitor to represent her in court. If you have read through other people's stories, you will see that is quite a common tactic, used by some mothers to maintain control and stop Dads from full involvement with their child.

How has this affected contact with your child? Has she stopped it? Have a word with your mediator about what has happened, he/she might feel that because of the allegations, mediation is no longer suitable and will sign the form to enable you to take action in court.

Even though no further action was taken by the police, it will be on record and will be discussed in relation to the welfare of the child and any reports that are made for the court.

All the best

I wasn't charged with anything and the police didn't proceed with her accusations.

Will she still get legal aid?

Due to the risks involved in contacted her I have ceased all contact at this point and will not proceed to contact her. i have re-booked a mediation appointment next week.

There's no guarantee with legal aid, she may get it as there are people on here who's ex's have got legal aid pretty much just by alleging abuse, so I think it's a matter of hoping.

Stopping contact with her is a good idea, you'll probably find that the mediator will deem mediation inappropriate and agree to sign off the court application.

As a new father, she will probably try and make the point that you don't know how to look after a baby, it might be a good idea to do a parenting course, if it goes to court it would save time if you can show that you have taken steps to polish up on child care. Some Dads also do a first aid course too. Taking these steps will prove that you're a committed and thoughtful parent.

All the best

I'm thinking about doing the paperwork myself and not paying 10k to the solicitor. However, I guess I risk not being able to get a good result in court.

My own experiences tell me that representing yourself is cost effective but leaves you in the dark and without much chance of success. Without a solicitor or barrister to represent you, Cafcass and the court will take advantage in every way possible. You will be unsure how to proceed, know when to submit evidence, what questions to ask, when and how to appeal if things don't go your way. It's a very confusing and complicated process.

If you can afford it, believe you have a strong case, get a solicitor. But make sure it's a good one.

If you can't afford it, get help from everyone you possibly can. Use free minutes with solicitors, call them up, family rights group, mens help groups, whatever you can. Keep your wits about you and question everything like you're a detective. Think outside the box.

You're fighting against a system that is biased against fathers - cafcass aren't always honest, neither are the barristers and solicitors that they use. I recently attended a hearing where the barrister outright lied in front of everyone to get a reaction and to attempt to discredit me.

Good luck either way.