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Guys I’m after some suggestions / thoughts on a situation / problem that I can’t see a way past….
My little boy only just turned 5 last week, his mother and I have been battling through court for the last 2 ½ yrs over me getting more contact with him.
For anyone who’s not followed my case after 2+yrs through the courts I finally got awarded the contact order in Feb this year after my bitter n twisted ex couldn’t stand that I dared take her to court!
Everything is her way or no way which was my only reason to get a defined contact order due to her control and stopping me see my little boy as n when she felt like it….its all about her not losing control over me!
Anyway….several periods have gone by over the last 2yrs where I didn’t see my little boy for a few months because of her refusal to let me see him.... despite me proving in court and to Cafcass and they both agreeing that I’m no threat or any reason why I shouldn’t be a full part of his life.
Anyway she has stopped contact again last 6 weekends have been the same….He’s not wanting to come…and she won’t let me dig to find out the real reasons why he won’t…she puts him on the phone and lets him tell me he not coming…no reason just he not! And I can’t make him….she won’t just put him in the car or tell him he has to see his daddy! Cos she doesn’t believe she should make him do anything he doesn’t want to do!
As I see it the issue I have is not going to get any better without professional help….i've written back to the courts and Judge explaining the lack of contact again!
she has for at least 4yrs now been hostile towards me and my wanting to spend time with our little boy….i know that during the last 3yrs she has been using her influence over him to make her and her new partner the only people he needs.....alienating me from him.
When he’s away from her he’s great and we have a good time and he is always laughing and smiling….but its getting him away from her that’s the issue….she won’t make him come to me…and I think this is affecting him with regards to Separation anxiety on his parting from her….but it can’;t be really that cos when he has come with me he never mentions her!
Is there an organisation that can take him from her and find out why he doesn’t want to come with me? I’m sure its cos of the last 2+yrs of her saying he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to…but that’s only when its in front of me! Which is her enforcing in to him that she doesn’t want him to!
I’m stuck….emotionally and physically with finding a way around this one……the court order I have doesn’t seem to make a difference to her as she thinks its not her now stopping contact….where in fact it is by the way she does this every Saturday! Last 6 now!!!!
I just don't know how to break the cycle of him not wanting to come and her not making him....court just doesn't seem to bother her!
Hi mate. Sorry to hear its been tough. Loads of guys on here will be able to relate.
This might sound like a silly suggestion but have you tried doing ALL you can to try and appeal to her softer side. You were with her once for a reason. I'm sure she's been nasty but is there ANY way at all you could resolve this out of court?
One other possibility is to suggest using a contact centre as a handover - you aren't talking about supervised contact, but simply someone independant who can talk to your son to see if he can be persuaded to see you and will provide an independant witness to your ex if he doesn't (which is unlikely) - you may have to get a referral to the contact centre, but have a word with them to get their thoughts, and if they agree, then ask your ex if she would be prepared to try this.
There is NO reasoning with this woman!!! its always her way....even after the Judge ripped in to her the last time she broke the contact.....she still won't be reasonable!!!
i've been nice and calm and played by the rules all the way through this, the courts have been great and back me up with everything that she's tried....she just won't take on board that what the courts decide she MUST do! she thinks she can do anything with our son that she wants and "no court will stop her doing what she thinks is best for her child"!! her words! and i had them in writing which the judge ripped in to her about last year and this year too!
anyway....letter is off and i'm just awaiting a response from the Judge now.
I can't remember what steps you have been through - have you considered going for residence? It's a long shot, but if you can get a judge to say that if she doesn't comply with the contact order, then he would consider giving residence to you, that may be a shock to her system as she'd lose control completely if that were to happen.
apply for residence and start to write down every piece of evidence you can think of.....thats if you actually want your son with you.. dont bother with the fluffy stuff......get to war and do your best to get your son into a world where he can have a normal life.
Hostile parenting is abuse but you will need a lot more tahn that. take vu=ideo of any contact to show your son to the court.
5yrs old such a shame. i hope things get betterr. my son is 4 and i havent seen him for 4 months and we were so close.
Theres a lot of good stories around of guys like you who have won.. dont think you cant win cos im coming across dads with there sons all the time.... you will neeed to be on the ball. squeeky clean and sharp as a razor. hopefully your ex will be seen for the sppiteful [censored] mother that she is... good luck
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